Breathe In: What is Natural?

Do you remember when you learned to breathe?  Probably not!  But, after those first breaths as a newborn, we just breathed... naturally... without thinking!  That is, until a health condition causes us to stop, seek assistance, and try to recover from the physical limitations which have slowed us down.

Next question:  do you remember how you learned to communicate?  Like breathing, there is something innate that inspires us to mimic those around us:  creating sounds, learning meanings, and making our intentions known.

Maybe communication isn't as quickly learned as that first breath, but there are parallels:

• We naturally repeat or mimic what we see and hear.
• We experience hardships when ideas come in conflict.
• We need assistance in unraveling mental limitations that block our understanding.

A reminder to become aware

When excited, frustrated, or angry, have people suggested that you slow down, take a breath, and decide what you want to say?  In this fast-paced world there may be a lost connection between breathing, thinking, and our actions... something natural... where we experience hardships... and where assistance comes through gentle reminders.

Next question:  have you ever looked in a mirror and watched yourself breathe?  Or, have you ever watched another person breath?

When waiting for an appointment, I often put away my smart phone and practice the following:

• I place a hand on my chest or stomach, focusing on my breathing.
• Once I have a sense of my rhythmic inhaling and exhaling, I observe another person.
• I try to notice their breathing rhythm; and then,
• I try to match their breathing: inhaling and exhaling together.

Of course, this may sound a bit voyeuristic or intimate, but don't we make clandestine observations about others all the time?!  And, often, don't we come to judgements about the other person as well?

A reminder to share long-held beliefs

 The questions I ask myself while conducting this exercise:

• How often do I even notice my own breathing, let alone someone else's?
• Am I able to match their rhythm?
• What does it feel like when we are inhaling and exhaling together?
• How long can I hold my breath and breathe in a rhythm unfamiliar?

Usually, I find myself uncomfortable: another person's breathing feels unnatural, out-of-step with my natural patterns.  But, I have found that the more I practice this exercise, I can stay in co-rhythym a little bit longer... and the discomfort lessens.

A reminder to let go

This breathing exercise produces several insights about dialogue and communication:

• Another person's thoughts and perceptions may seem foreign to my way of thinking.
• I may find myself hooked by physical or mental limitations... like the exterior physical attributes of skin color, voice tone, and accents... or like the interior constructs of progressive or conservative thinking, language, and culture. 

Like breathing, people develop their own rhythm in speaking and listening: what is exhaled and inhaled into our minds.

And now, a final question:  are you willing to practice a dialogue-rhythm that allows you to stay in step with the people around you... maybe a little longer each encounter?   Like a wisp of a cloud stretched on air currents, communication and understanding can be extended:  over time, our shared ideas may intertwine, merge and disappear into a pattern natural to all of us. 

 

Blessings to our mothers... who gave us life...

helped us draw our first breaths and

taught us our first communication lessons.

If there were hardships along the way,

may we seek assistance to understand

those lessons which make us unique.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Stories Unheard - Stories Shared: True and Real

When was the last time that you or your family gathered for a reunion, a wedding, a funeral, or a special event?  This past month I attended the funeral services for my uncle, my last relative from his generation.  A sudden realization:  my generation is now “On the Front Line”!

Reconnecting with cousins not seen since the last family gathering or meeting some relatives for the first time, I became aware of stories that I had not heard before… or... had forgotten!  There were moments when memories came flooding back.  There were other moments when I listened to unknown facets of my 97-year old uncle’s amazing life.  Smiles, laughter, tears… rising from a wellspring of a life well-lived.

Stories Overshadowed:  Hope Returning

As I was listening to these Stories Revealed, I recalled January’s “Super Blue Blood Moon" -- the full lunar eclipse which occurred shortly after Uncle Don’s death.  The brilliance of the full moon was slowly overshadowed by a larger planetary body, Earth.  As time progressed, the reflected light of the Sun returned to enlighten the darkness.

We are sometimes overshadowed by Stories Imagined or Stories Untrue.  Eventually, though, it seems that the true essence of who we are is revealed, recognized, and shared.

Stories Colliding:  Does it Have to be One or the Other?
(Photo credit:  Bubble Football,  Daily News)

Listening to stories of my uncle and his family -- Stories Unheard -- and sharing my recollections, I experienced one of those Rubber Band Moments -- times when there is an expansion and a contraction pulling on mind and heart.  Stories Shared were both individual and collective memories, moments when individual bubbles touched other individual bubbles.  Rather than colliding, these stories gently merged into a collective remembrance of a Loved One.  The Rubber Band Moment?  When energy is created as new information is received and stretches us beyond the familiar.

Slowly, I am learning that there is a much larger world out there!  Realizing that individual stories are just fragments of an Overall Story of life, love, separation, and connection is why dialogue is so important.  The ability to define and understand our individual stories -- on the best of days -- is an accomplishment.  But realizing that there is a much larger perspective that encompasses our extended human family is the act of allowing individual stories to transform into Our Story.

Stories True: distinct and merging
(Photo credit:  Twitters racial and social divisions
analysed, BBC Trending)

As with my extended family and the stories we shared recently, just think of what this means when we encounter people throughout the day, people who bounce in and out of our lives.  Imagine the stories unheard or not shared... but all are true and real!

As we continue to expand our mindset to include the Stories Beyond Ourselves, let us consider the following:

• What elements of My Story are important to me? 
• How can I listen to the important elements of Your Story? 
• Am I willing to accept that our unique stories are valid and integral to Our Story?

May we realize this week that we are all on the Front Line:  We are One Family.  May we understand that all stories are true, real and important.  May we accept the responsibility not to overshadow the Other Story!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Adding Meaning: What We Want to See and Hear

Each of us filters what we see and hear through our lived experiences: lessons from family, culture, education, work, and so many other sources.  Whether we actively pursue knowledge or wisdom, we continuously absorb information, add meaning to what we have observed, and adapt.

As I stand in line at the grocery store, I observe the people ahead of me.  I notice what they are purchasing… and I unconsciously make up stories - add meaning - about who they are.

I wonder:  how much of My Story is real?

Adding Meaning:  what motivates you?
(Pickles,  by Brian Crane:  January 11, 2018)

Surfacing these Created Stories and checking them against Reality is imperative today.  

One solution is to label another person’s reality as untrue.  Don’t we all do this in one form or another?  After all, think times when:

• You know what another person will say or do.
• You don't want to meet with another person due to differences.
• There are times when "we agree to disagree.”

Our individual stories, assumptions, and conclusions come up against another person's stories every day.... and we have a decision:  will I hold onto my story or will I try to understand these other stories?

It seems that knowledge and wisdom is reached when we open ourselves to what is being revealed:

• Have I questioned my assumptions and conclusions?
• Am I willing to ask questions and try to understand what the other person believes?
• Is there a way to explore what was intended?
• Can I move away from defending My Story to embracing something new?

This does not mean that one story is invalid or has to be forgotten.  Instead, the question is:  can we move to a point where both stories can be held as valid and true?

Adding Meaning: one piece at a time

What I have been discovering in this Life’s Journey is that there always seems to be a missing piece in what I have seen, heard, and understood.  It is as if the Lesson Learned at one moment in my life — my truth — is but a glimmer of a Truth that I am just beginning to understand as I grow older.  A new facet of this valuable gem is sparkling before me!

Once I let down my defensiveness, I begin to see and hear a different story: the motivation behind a friend’s actions; the intensions of goodness; the unconscious reactions or the considered responses.

In moments when I open myself, I sense an imagined Lightbulb above my head go on:  I become illuminated and the situation is transformed.

Adding Meaning:  moments of illumination

We have a choice this week to remain hooked to our individual stories… or… we can collectively decide to go beyond the surface levels of reality.  We can accept the invitation to become Explorers of Truth... to see more!  What do you think?

May this week provide opportunities that will illuminate a more expansive view of the Reality and Truth which surrounds us!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Our World: Piecing Together Peace

Each year at the end of April we are reminded of the impact we have on our planet... and our responsibility for its care and stewardship.  (For information on Earth Day 2018, click here.). 

For me, this celebration goes beyond this one day.  What seems to be called into question -- or a broader focus of Earth Day -- is the measure by which we are: 

• Aware of other people and our planet;
• Sensitive to our interconnectedness.

What do you notice happening in our world today?  Are we coming together and developing solutions to the issues confronting us?

Our World:  Coming Together or Unraveling?
(Photo Credit:  The Ivancic Superheroes)

It seems that many of our current issues are complex and polarized.  Rather than look for simple Yes-No, Right-Wrong, Majority-Minority solutions, maybe it is time to realize that each person, town, city, state, and country has a piece of the overall puzzle.  And, rather than work towards a stalemate where no solution is achieved, maybe it is time to seek out a a different strategy.

By inviting more people to the table and through listening and dialogue, we can unlock our containment and escape this dualistic approach toward problem solving.

Acknowledging that each person has a role and a responsibility in the solution is one step forward.  Listening to and respecting another opinion opens possibilities not previously considered.  Puzzling together smaller pieces will build towards a more complete Truth not envisioned or understood previously.

Our World:  Together We Have an Answer
(Photo Credit:  Getty Images)

Earth Day opens us to the possibility of seeing and experiencing a brighter future.  Solutions no longer rely on one person or country.  Resources jointly shared allow everyone to succeed.

The cycles of every day -- night and day, life and death, oneness and togetherness -- remind us of our ability to Hope:  we can overcome division and the unraveling created by humanity when we experience all of the cycles... together.

Our World: Light Overcomes Darkness
(Photo Credit:  Evening Standard, NASA image)

Questions to consider:

• How do I protect and sustain life in my home, neighborhood, and city?
• What answers am I seeking in relation to family, friends, and colleagues?
• How can I listen more openly to another person's experiences and opinions?

May this week provide moments where the pieces of Peace begin to come together in your life!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Movement: Ropes that Bind

Have you ever watched people clean the outside windows of a tall building?  It is an amazing feat!

Recently, I spent time at the corporate offices in downtown Portland.  It was a cold, cloudy week.  My team had a series of meetings in a conference room on the 17th floor that looked out over a section of the downtown skyline.  My chair faced the windows, so during breaks in the meetings I would gaze out and think about how different this work life is from my home office.

One day a team of window cleaners rappelled into view on the building across from us.  I watched as they quickly cleaned a section and then rappelled down to the next floor.  I was fascinated by the teamwork and communication as they worked together and then moved individually down.
 

Movement:  Staying In Sync

My mind came back to the meeting, wondering about the interconnectedness of my design team:

• We are individuals:  bringing our individual strengths, ideas, perceptions, and biases. 
• We are called to work as a team:  listening, coordinating, accepting, and allowing other ideas to emerge.

Sometimes it is a balancing act to respect both the contributions of the individual and the team!

Movement: Trusting at Different Levels

Back to the window cleaners:  each member of the team had ropes that secured each individual, keeping them from falling.  The team’s training and coordination assured that all window sections were addressed.  In a sense, their coordination and training served as an invisible rope that bound them together.  Both the physical rope and the invisible rope needed to be maintained.

Movement:  Seeing the Whole Picture

Whether we live and work as individuals or as a group with a common cause, our humanity binds us together.  Sometimes it is important to pull back and look at a wider perspective.  Through listening and dialogue, we can communicate this larger picture.

In this diverse and ever-changing world, it is imperative that we consider the following questions:

• How might I invite others to understand my individuality?
• Whose responsibility is it to encourage our interconnectedness?
• When do I create a safe environment to explore and support the invisible ropes that bind us together?

The task of maintaining the ropes that bind us may seem daunting at times, but what better way to respect the other person than getting out on the ledge and rappelling into the unknown together?!

Back to the window cleaners:  soon after the window cleaners reached the ground… it began to rain!  Life is like that:  we must continually maintain what connects us... and be prepared to redo what we thought was finished!

May we learn to clean the windows that we see through -- opening new vistas and no longer limited by the dirt and grime of our perceptions and conclusions!


 

Larry Gardepie