To Understand... To Stand Under... To Support

A friend told me of a Chinese national who was learning English.  When learning about compound words, she would study the meaning of the two separate words (e.g., "under" and "stand") to see how different the newly-joined word ("understand") would be.  Her learning technique was to play with the words as she sounded them out and added them to her English vocabulary.  It was a visual process as she connected her newfound words with her native tongue and Chinese characters.

With Understand, she came to the conclusion that it meant "to stand under" or "to support."  

What a simple and unique way to understand -- or support -- a new thought or concept -- the bridge between one way of thinking and another!

When do you support another person's understanding?
(Photo:  Centennial Bridge,
Panama - Larry Gardepie)

I was thinking of this story and its images as I traveled through the Panama Canal recently: cruising under the bridges that span the canal and the two continents joined by these bridges -- the Bridge of the Americas (1964), the Centennial Bridge (2004), and the Atlantic Bridge (2019).  As traffic flow has increased along the 19,000 mile Pan-American Highway, more support was needed and additional bridges were built to crossover the divide.

What a beautiful metaphor as North, Central and South America learn to understand or bridge our varied cultures!

When do you transfer knowledge to someone else?
(Photo: Pilot and Pilot Boat transfer,
Panama Canal - Larry Gardepie)

At the beginning of our journey, a pilot who knew the canal, its operations, and currents came onboard our vessel to provide information and assistance. Tugboats pulled and guided us through the new locks.

It is that transfer of knowledge that is so important to our lives:  the connections between what we have learned and what is missing; the willingness to rely on others and their experiences; and the humility to accept help and direction.

Do you allow others to assist you along life's pathways?
(Photo:  new Agua Clara locks,
Panama Canal - Larry Gardepie)

Look at the number of compound words in this post:  under-stand; new-found; cross-over; on-board; and in-formation.  I wonder how these compound words would be translearned by this Chinese national in my friend's story?

I would suggest that all of these words support our dialogue practices:

• The ability to support (or understand);
• The openness to explore interactions (newfound crossovers);
• The eagerness to assist others (onboard) with the transfer of facts and knowledge (information); and
• To overcome our narrow perceptions (= knowledge).

  May we learn this week to stand under and support one another.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Who Knows What About Whom?

You may recognize these names:  Erle Stanley Gardner, Louise Penny, Mickey Spillane, and Margaret Truman.  Each are authors of mystery series that have brought to life Perry Mason, Armand Gamache, and other characters who observe, ask questions, unravel murders, and reveal Secrets Hidden.

Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, there is one constant in my life:  I am curious!  I enjoy solving puzzles!  There is something satisfying about gathering clues, looking at possibilities, and discovering "The Answer"!

How many questions do you ask each day?
(Photo credit:  40 Favorite Interview Questions from Some
of the Sharpest Folks We Know, First Round Review)

What I am discovering about life, though:  oftentimes, there are numerous possibilities, several answers, or different conclusions to the mysteries that we encounter every day.  This makes Real Life more challenging than a jigsaw puzzle or a book that leads us to one result.

In other words, each person remains a Book Unopened with pages of Mysteries Unsolved... even when we have shared experiences or have lived together for years.

Do you ask questions to prove a point,
to understand, or because you are curious?
(Photo credit:  20 Questions to Get to Know People
or Someone Better, BetterHelp)

For instance:  I grew up the second of six children.  We had the same parents, went to the same church, and attended the same schools... but we are so different in our personalities, interests, and occupations.  We haven't lived together for decades, and yet something still binds us together.

What I have noticed in the past year where I've had the opportunity to spend time with each sibling and their loved ones:  we are no longer the same people we were when we grew up together.  The core of who we are may be recognizable.  But as an adult sibling, I can no longer be boxed into my role as second child.  Rather, I am now called to encourage and witness Truth Unfolding.

In essence, we are Strangers Meeting and getting to know one another again... and again... and again!

(Photo credit:  Things to Do with Friends and Family,
The Southern Times)

It is that Mystery-of-Knowing-but-Not-Knowing another person that intrigues me.  (Curiosity!)  I cannot assume I know what someone will think, say, or do.  We are constantly changing!  Isn't it better to wait, hold back our assumptions and conclusions... and be surprised?

Like the mystery authors and their famous fictional characters, we are called to observe, ask questions, and unravel the mystery of each person we encounter. 

Isn't that an interesting challenge for us this week?!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

To Reframe or Not To Reframe

Have you ever sat for hours in nature, or stared at a painting, a sculpture... or another person?  Rotating an object in your hand or sitting in different places to appreciate another view?  At any moment the object changes... maybe not physically.... but in our mind's eye and what we now see... or understand.

Early on in my life I was fascinated that what I understood before about a person, a situation, or a truth could change over time.  Think of your progression through elementary and high school:  the building blocks of information we received that seemed to change as more information -- and experiences -- entered our lives.

My childhood was filled with endless field trips of learning and being open to new information, insights, and knowledge.

Which facet of an issue do you tend to focus?
(Photo credit:  Diamonds created in minutes at
room temperature, Advanced Science News)

Centuries ago Heraclitus said, "The only constant in life is change."  If change is a constant, why am I no longer as flexible with or excited about these daily changes?  As I have grown older, I tend to focus on one side of an issue or problem and don't inquire about or listen to another facet or perspective as much as I did in the past.

The Child Fascinated with change is still within, but what happened in adulthood that tired me of new ways of thinking and the constancy of change?

How do you respond to gloomy forecasts?
(Photo:  Tropical storm over Panama City
- Larry Gardepie)

Mentioning this to a friend recently, I spoke about my fear of becoming Rigid.  He asked what that word meant to me and what I feared.  By slowing down, letting the emotions surface, and talking to another person, I saw how change was constant in my life... but there have always been ebbs and flows of how I managed or responded to change.

For me, the importance of Framing and Reframing the change event must be balanced -- that is, I must:

• Hold lightly to any long-held values and beliefs;
  
• Test any assumptions and conclusions that have framed my understanding; and
• Consider that others might see, understand, and respond differently (reframing).
  

I must look and consider from multiple vantage points, moving and reconsidering.

Can you see a different perspective?
(Photo: Arches National Park, Utah
- Larry Gardepie)

Also, I am just beginning to understand that labeling (e.g., being rigid) might limit my ability to stay open to other possibilities and insights.  That is, once I label a situation as Right or Wrong, Good or Bad, Dark or Light, Hopeless or Hopeful I may have entered a cul-de-sac of my life that needs to be explored:

• Have I created a dead-end in my thought process?
• Do I believe that I possess the only truth?
  
• Am I open to other possibilities? 

Without the ability to reframe a situation -- or a way of thinking, it is as if my finite being no longer wishes to explore the Infinite Wisdom surrounding us and giving meaning to our lives.  We shut off one another!

This week, may we anticipate and explore the changes of this post-COVID world, and may we be open to constant change!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

How Can I Help?

One beautiful aspect of being human is our diversity:  we have a variety of likes and dislikes; we approach problems in different ways; and we have the ability to observe and learn.  I think that is why I have enjoyed watching NBC's medical drama series, New Amsterdam.  Each week for five years we were drawn into stories that addressed current issues of bias, misunderstandings, and relationships gone awry.  The writers and actors walked us through ways to talk, listen, and adjust our mental models.

The series finale ended as it began years before: the hospital director asking, "How can I help?"

How can I help?
(Photo credit:  Cast of New Amsterdam,
Showbiz Junkies)

Hearing these four words throughout the series reminded me that we are partners on this Journey Called Life.  By asking the question -- and allowing the other person to answer -- we come to a shared understanding:

• This is what is needed;
• My answer may not be yours; and,
  
• I don't have to make a decision that disrespects you.

This TV show also modeled various ways to listen and let go: our primary goal is to create safe environments that respect our diversity and differences.

How can I help?
(Photo credit:  Cat helps lost baby duck, Ava Hamric)

In the final season, Max Goodwin, the hospital director, learned sign language because one of his doctors was deaf.  Dr. Iggy Frome, the head of Psychiatry, came to terms with his own insecurities to help those in his care.   Dr. Lauren Bloom, head of the Emergency Department, let go of wanting to take away her sister's addictions.  Dr. Floyd Reynolds, head of General Surgery, found the father that abandoned his family to understand what it meant to be family.

Each person and role struggled to be human, and learned to intentionally help one another:  "How can I help?"

How can I help?
(Photo credit: A Piece of Peace, L. R. Knost)

Five years later I am beginning to understand:  it is okay to be... broken... to not know the answers... to need help... to be human!

If you are looking for a show to binge on a weekend when it is raining or snowing, I would offer New Amsterdam.

May we be willing to ask others:  "How can I help?"  And, may we be willing to listen to and accept the answers.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Yet To Unfold

As I listened to my teachers and professors of elementary school, high school, university and graduate school, I felt like a sponge... absorbing information... enjoying the moments of learning and the wonder of new insights.  Later, as a trainer and consultant, I would get excited when ideas and discoveries were shared and awareness was expanded.

I am amazed at connections that occur internally and externally when Light Bulb Moments unite us and drive us to new discoveries.

Each day can surprise us with discovery!

What have you learned today?
(Photo credit:  The Simple Genius of the Blackboard, Slate)

What I have begun to realize, though, is the importance of Unfolding:  the shrinking of one's Awareness Unknown; the openness to Knowledge Shared; and the willingness to Learn Anew. 

As a child, I would Learn for the Answer, being able to answer a question on a quiz or a test.  The focus was on the collection of information in order to respond correctly.

As time went on and I entered adulthood, I began to understand the difference between Knowledge and Wisdom, being able to hear a question... PAUSE... and consider various approaches to a situation.

It's that ability to accept Unfolding Mystery... there may be More!

How often do you reach out to others?
(Photo: Mermaids Swimming through San Pedro,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie

Practicing Dialogue -- even imperfectly most of the time! -- I am beginning to see another difference:

There is much more than answering correctly as in the earlier:

• Question -- Answer construct of childhood;

And the later discoveries of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Answers understanding of Knowledge and Wisdom.

Now, I am trying to understand a dialogical structure of:

• Question -- [Pause] -- Exploration.

The emphasis is no longer on An Answer or The Right Answer or Knowledge and Wisdom.  The process is Exploration and Discovery, the lifetime journey of Searching and Encountering.

When have you been a lifeline of understanding?
(Photo:  American Merchant Marines Veteran Memorial,
San Pedro, California - Larry Gardepie)

As a child, I assimilated a lot of information, but I didn't pay attention to the internal processes of filtering and categorizing that information.  When I began to pause in my learning process, I began to realize how some filters were separating me from people and I was labeling others according to my value system.  The Pause allowed me time to consider that Truth could hold many answers.

 

Practicing dialogue -- listening, asking, and trying to understand -- opens a new reality:  We Are In This Life Together.  If this reality is true, then answering a question correctly may not be as important as the Question itself -- that willingness to ask a question and wonder about the question.

 

May we reach out this week in a Spirit of Exploration -- seeking understanding and truth; linking us to the Human Lifeline.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)