History Tells Us: Where Life Takes Us

An elementary school friend and I have been meeting (virtually) every month for most of this year.  Our families knew each other through the church and our parish school.  We had a similar upbringing but then went our own ways in high school and followed our college interests.  Fifty years later we've reconnected.

When we began meeting, we knew we were different people than our childhood memories... but the question for each of us was: how have we changed? 

Which way is she facing?
(Photo:  Perceptions and Illusions, Facebook download)

Over a course of three months we talked about our family values (foundations), our religious or spiritual communities (inspiration), and the filters that define who we are now.  It was only then that we began talking about the more serious topics that govern our country and influence our worldviews.

We talked about the following guidelines before discussing these topics -- the "sandbox" we created to play in:

• Listening and asking questions to understand;
• Respecting the other person's lived experiences; and,
• Trying not to persuade the other person on one way of thinking.

When do you doubt your confidence?
(Photo credit:  Self-doubt and Self-confidence, Facebook download)

It's been a wonderful experiment in dialogue:

• Can I stay in relationship with someone who may have differing views?
• How do I respond when I feel tension or am uncomfortable?
• What happens when I doubt long-held beliefs?
• Where do I get my information? 

 One lesson I learned:  "Listen for the story." (Thanks, Darcy, for adding the aspect of My Story / Our Story.)

What are your "Don't Forgets"?
(Photo credit:  Don't Forget, Madalyn Beck)

Each of us has a story to tell:  the roads we have traveled; the hardships and challenges; the triumphs and lessons learned.  Being true to our personal values is important: being true to communal values is equally important.

What isn't always discussed, though, is the finite time and physical dimensions that limit us:  what it means to be human!  The only way I can move beyond My Limitations is to move from My Story to Our Story.  This means that I must respect Your Story.  As we listen... and learn from one another, My Story, Your Story and Our Story grow.  In other words, we learn to See Other in other.

Where has your life taken you?  How can I learn from you?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

History Tells Us: Voices From Our Past

Boston is one city that all Americans should experience.  It overflows with voices from our past: ordinary people who lived, breathed, and fought for freedom.  As I walked around the city, American History came alive when I saw Old North Church, Paul Revere's statue, and other places that evoked the Boston Tea Party, the Midnight Ride, and Lexington and Concord.

Our hotel, being located in the midst of these historical sites, contained a series of wall panels with important quotes about liberty, justice, and the Common Good. 

How do you make good use of your freedom?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

I have been reflecting on these wall panels over the past several weeks:

• Do we listen to the lessons of previous generations?
• Are we able -- or willing -- to change our current course?
• What inspires us to work for the good of others?

Do your actions inspire others?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Quincy Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

What troubles me about the recent violence and rhetoric?  We are no longer involved in Civil Discourse.  Leaders and representatives from our earliest foundations disagreed on how to move forward, but they tried to engage in constructive, respectful, and productive conversations. Yes, they represented diverse colonies and interests, but they learned to listen to the needs of the other colonists as well.

What can you do for our country now?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John F. Kennedy,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

This engagement carried responsibilities that future leaders understood: to perfect this imperfect union (Inspiration); to ask what you can do for others (Service); to learn to live together (Community).

These values and other truths became self-evident.

Are we living together or perishing?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

Questions we may want to consider in the weeks ahead:

• Do I (we) listen to voices that divide... and why?
• Am I (we) living in fear of others... and why?
• How can I (we) listen and work toward healing?

As John Adams asks of us:  Do we understand how much our freedom cost previous generations? Are we making good use of that freedom?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: What Will You Choose?

I remember wise people in my life who suggested that I use the time at stoplights to pray, call to mind people who have impacted my life, moments of gratitude, or sitting in silence without music or news.

These suggestions came to mind recently in Akureyri, Iceland.  The town decided that the red light on all stoplights should be a Red Heart!

Stop... to love?  Stop... to care?  Stop... to be kind? 

When do you stop to love?
(Photo: Akureyri, Iceland - Heart Stoplights
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Maybe the Turning Point our world needs right now is to Stop... and Make a Choice that draws us together rather than separating us even further.

Another memory from my Catholic elementary school:  when tensions rose on the playground and classmates would shout "I hate you" at one another, the Religious Sister would remind us of Jesus' command... we are called to love one another!

What signals do you give others?
(Photo: Paul Revere statue pointing
at Old North Church window where lanterns
were placed, Boston - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

I wonder what signals we are giving each other: One, if we Hate; Two, if we Love?

• Are we still in the schoolyard yelling at each other?
• Do our misunderstandings say, "I hate you"?
• How do we follow the Golden Rule when we aren't happy?

Or, do we expect someone else to remind us to Stop... and Love... or Care... or Be Kind?  What if... you -- or possibly, we -- are now the adults who are called to stop the hate?

Are you willing to reach across the divide?
(Photo:  Hands Across the Divide,
Derry-Londonderry, Northern Ireland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

It takes each one of us to Notice, Choose Non-violence, and Decide how we want to move forward.  As Sister would say, "You don't have to like everyone... but you are called to love everyone."

Like the citizens of Akureyri, can we change how we see the Red (or Blue or Purple) in others and replace it with a heart that reaches across the divide that separates?

What will you choose? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: Are You Ready?

Noticing that we are not happy is when a Turning Point begins.  Awareness exposes us to outcomes we could not see while we were angry, frustrated, confused, isolated...

As mentioned in last week's post (Turning Point: Are You Happy?), the stances of Noticing, Non-violence, and Non-Defended Learning allow us to Turn Together by unlocking our hearts and minds to curiosity, questions, and understanding.

What symbol have you used to show your love for another?
(Photo:  Love Lock on Rotterdam Bridge
 - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Turning Points allow us to see differing viewpoints and distant horizons.  Yes, we may not agree on what we see, but the challenge is to stay in relationship and describe what we see and the meanings we have attached.

The actual turning point is the ability to turn away from anger, hatred, and violence -- the second stance of Non-violence! -- and experience the Need for Connection.

How many "mountains" do you see in any situation?
(Photo: Waterway outside Paamiut, Greenland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

When we share our thought processes -- that is, how we came to specific understandings and conclusions -- we start our journey to Self- and Other-Discovery.  Abandoning "defending my position at all costs" and turning towards listening to another facet of reality allows us to look back and see the decisions we made based on the information available at that time.

Together, with new information, we have a choice on how to move forward.

Do you see the wake of your decisions?
(Photo: Ship's Wake in Prince Christian Sound,
Greenland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

These reflections are being written before Charlie Kirk's memorial service.  I must admit, I am worried about the messages that may be given.  Loss is accompanied by anger, sorrow, and pain.  But my fear is that some people may use the occasion to call for vengeance and blame, pointing to perceived enemies.

This is where my concerns and filters get in the way.

• Can I listen without judgment?
• Will I agree or disagree?
• How can I stay in relationship? 

All of us have questions we must answer over the coming days as our nation struggles between ideologies.

Maybe the eulogies won't be what I fear, but am I at a turning point -- am I ready -- to admit that my assumptions are wrong?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: Are You Happy?

News this week:  more shootings... more dead and injured... more assumptions and incorrect conclusions... more blaming.  No solutions.  No healing.  What is happening to our world?  What is happening to us?

I read online and have heard many people saying, "Is this a turning point? Are we ready to change course?"

What do you think: are we?

Are you happy?
(Photo: Dead Fish Skin, Djúpivogur, Iceland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Questions I ask myself -- and each of you:  Am I happy?  Are you happy?  How does this news make us feel?  Some have expressed anger, frustration, confusion, isolation, and impotence.  What are your thoughts?  How are you feeling right now?

Maybe it is a turning point... if we each make a choice.  Are you ready to choose?

What emotions are boiling below the surface?
(Photo: Thermal Vents, Iceland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

There may be some answers in the two-year Dialogue Practicum I participated in.  We learned about three stances that assist in the practice of dialogue:

• Noticing (awareness)
• When do we not notice... and therefore cannot act freely?
• When do we notice... and can choose to respond differently? 
• Non-Violence 
•  When do I think ill of myself or others... and do violence to both?
• When do I respect myself and others... and practice non-violence? 
• Non-defended Learning
• When are we defended or defensive... and our ability to work with others is limited? 
• When do we support individuals and groups... and pursue options that benefit everyone? 

What happens if we don't change course?
(Photo:  Icebergs off the Greenlandic coast - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Is the Turning Point in ourselves:

• The Awareness that we are not happy with the current state of our world?
• The Choice not to do harm to Self or Other?
•  The Practice of asking questions and trying to understand?

If we are not happy, let's Turn Together and seek a new way of being.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting