Working from Strengths: Words and Images

Earlier this year I was working with a local company.  Their goal was to identify strengths that each individual brought to the team; their hope was to encourage each person to work from these strengths; and their desire was to be a team that valued each person.  It was an honor to witness people being praised for doing excellent work!

Such a different experience than other work environments I have explored: where it seems as if a supervisor is waiting to "Catch you" doing something wrong!  In fact, how often - in the name of improvements or efficiencies - employees are placed in unwinnable situations as changes to their jobs produce failures and motivation falls?

I am sure we have heard this quote once or twice in our work lives:

"A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, and life is after all a chain."

~ William James

 
At times our corporate culture wants to "vote someone off the island" or remove the "weakest link"! 

When do you feel your weakest?

I also have the pleasure of working with a software Functional Support team that tries to listen to customers, trainers, account managers, technical support, developers, and sales... all, in their own way, trying to improve the company's software products.

At first, my inexperience in this new arena seemed to accentuate my weaknesses.  But the other team members were patient, encouraging, and helped me to identify the strengths that I added to the team dynamic.  One member understands the technical components; another member is a strong bridge-builder; another is visionary and community-focused... and I, I think in images!

Dialogue opens the door between
differing viewpoints and observations
(Image from Dialogue San Diego Consulting) 

When Mike and I teamed up on several projects, he suggested that we work out of our strengths.  We took time to describe how we experienced one another and what strengths we saw in the other person.  Wow!  Hearing someone else recognize you and acknowledge what you contribute!  I felt valued!  These conversations opened avenues of trust and honesty.  When I didn't understand a concept, I felt freer to ask for help.  I contributed more openly.

Mike was better at structuring conceptual changes to the software; whereas I could translate his functional specs (words) into screenshots (images).  What we produce together is better than anything we could have done separately. 

Words and Images: melding together facts and ideas
(Image from Noah Rosenheck - UX/UI Design)

These experiences have shown me that through dialogue we open ourselves to a newer and better world.  It takes new Ways of Being:

• Awareness:  how do I see myself?  how do I experience others?
• Compassion:  can I show kindness to myself?  to another person?
• Interdependence:  am I willing to see the connection between me and you?
• Creative Freedom:  am I open to sharing and hearing ideas, waiting to be awed by new possibilities?

What are your strengths?

The invitation this week is to practice Awareness and Compassion.  Take time to reflect on your strengths (Awareness), and be kind as you or your friends talk through strengths and perceived shortcomings (Compassion).

Some questions to consider:

• What work or activities do you find life-giving?
• Where do you experience high-energy and have fun?
• When do you feel you have accomplished something important?  

Sit with this list, and enjoy the moment of discovery!  Your strengths are needed right now!

May this week reveal how special you are and how courageous people can change the world!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Questions: A Basis for Dialogue... Why?

Take a guess: how many questions have you asked in your lifetime?  Do you think you have asked more questions when you were younger or in more recent years?  Interesting?  Don't you think?!

How many questions do you ask each day?  (Pickles, Brian Crane, March 15, 2016)

When I reflected on my life, especially in light of the past few weeks, I have noticed that many of my Adult Questions have been framed as What - that is, asking about facts.  I wondered... at what time in my life did I lose the magic and wisdom of Why?

When my nieces and nephews were growing up, I remember they were always asking Why?  Why?  Why?  And, eventually, the adult response became "Because I said so!"  I wonder... is it at this stage in our young lives that we learned to shift from Why to What?

While in college, Brad - a church minister working with our college student group, asked us, "What color is God?"  I think most people responded with similar answers.  Being a quiet, introverted person, I sat back and pondered his question.  Brad, noticing that I hadn't answered, asked me what I was thinking.  I answered, "God is Blue!"  Some people chuckled, but Brad cocked his head and asked me "Why?"  I explained that the skies, being blue on a good day, represented the expansiveness of the heavens.  It is as if we are surrounded by blue: God envelops us and is always present!

Each question invites us to move deeper

Brad could have stopped with his first question, What.  But it was his second question, Why, that opened the door to what I was thinking.  That is,

• What - may answer the facts of the question; whereas,
• Why - allows us to explore the thoughts or feelings behind the answer. 

I would suggest that in dialogue we are invited to explore both the facts and the thoughts and feelings behind the details.  Chris Argyris' Ladder of Inference comes to mind:  the Ladder stands on the foundational facts of a situation (e.g., what happened?) and it  explores why a person may be "up the Ladder" (e.g., socially constructed realities, assumptions, meanings, conclusions).

Concepts to explore:

• An issue or problem arises when we think our opinions (the rungs of the Ladder) are actually the  facts (the foundation).  Centuries ago, Marcus Aurelius suggested that Opinions and perceptions are not the same as facts or the truth.
• Asking Why we hold a particular opinion may open a window that allows us to probe or see how thoughts, feelings, opinions and perceptions are different than the facts.
• Dialogue is a relational activity.  It invites us into exploration: why does another person think and feel differently than I do?

Questions allows us to peek and grow

Therefore, the depth of each one of us may not be in the facts of our lives but in the essence of how we have come to think, understand, and act upon our experiences.  It is this emergence of who we are and the dreams of who we are striving to become that is shared through the Whats and Whys of Curious Inquiry.

Choosing to move forward... together!

And finally, Marion Milner suggests:  "The growth of understanding follows an ascending spiral rather than a straight line."  Our challenge weeks after the Election, is to take that next step, the invitation to travel together... searching for questions and answers.... asking our Whats and Whys... and listening.

Our questions may not take us in a straight line or the road we expected to travel, but maybe... by asking more questions of each other, we will unburden ourselves of unnecessary accusations and misconceptions.

May this week allow time for continued reflection and dialogue as we try to move toward deeper truth!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Elections, Reflections: Dialogue and Change - Moving Forward

I have always had a fascination with roller coasters: the nervous anticipation while waiting in line; the speed and energy of the ride; the curves and forces that push outward and hold you in place; the unexpectedness - even after studying the tracks beforehand!  It is the anticipation, the experience, and the ability to get up after the ride and walk away... even when legs are rubbery and shaky!

For me, this one ride brings thrills and chills, bravery and nervousness, fear and excitement.  And, on top of that, I have a choice whether I want to ride or not!
  

Unexpected turns along our journey

With this image in mind, I must be honest, I am still trying to understand the ups-and-downs of Election Day 2016.  The months-long primaries, campaigning, and polls had many unexpected turns!  The country was exposed to an unprecedented experience of images and language that buffeted our moral senses.

In this past week as I try to stand up and move forward, I find that I am still numb and unbelieving.  I find it difficult to stand up without shaking, worried about my footing.  I feel as if I am in mourning: having a sense of loss of innocence and goodness.

And, as I listen to other people's stories of pain and anger... as I watch the protests... as I take in information from many sources...  I wonder:

• How will we move forward?
• What will we do if our nation remains divided?
• How do we regain our footing?

For me, with a shaky heart and rattled nerves, I am trying to slow down and reflect again on Chris Argyris' Ladder of Inference.  I am attempting to begin a Self-Dialogue first, looking inward at the assumptions and beliefs that I carry from childhood into adulthood.  For instance:

• Do I really see and experience Sacred Worth and Value:  in myself?  in others?
• Can I hear, understand, and accept the pain that another person is feeling?
• What will it take for me to sit quietly with you, to listen - without judgment - and to become genuinely curious about your life, its challenges and triumphs?
• How might I hear and accept what is important to you?
• And, is it selfish to hope that you want to hear my truths as well?

Where do I receive information?  What are the facts?
Which are opinions?  Are my conclusions based on reality?

In a larger context, I wonder if there are global questions we must ask ourselves -- individually and collectively:

• What is my  [your, our]  understanding of America?
• How have I  [you, we]  experienced The American Dream?
• Do I  [you, we]  want to move forward when definitions, experiences, and visions are varied?

I wouldn't be surprised if we see or experience life in America differently - for we may be privileged or struggling, hopeful or in despair, content or angry.  But, more importantly because of these differing experiences:

• Do we have the courage after this Election Roller Coaster to stand up on rubbery and shaky footing to seek dialogue, healing, and change?

Outwardly beautiful?  Yes!
What is more important:  that which is within!

America is a beautiful country with people who are generous and good.  I wonder, though, if this image of America is tarnished by our public turmoil: the anger, the hurt, being left behind, the graphic language and images?  Possibly, what is surfacing are shadow characteristics that need to be examined.  We have a choice!  Will we look inward... together?

As we reflect on the American Image and its Shadows... As we dialogue and seek to understand... As we tend to the wounds of Others and Self... may we achieve a new Dream of Hope and Inclusiveness, a Dream that represents all of us!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting