Human Complexity

My Iowa grandparents would spend their two-week vacation each year in California with us.  My family would pack into the station wagon and trek two hours north to the San Francisco International Airport. At that time the terminals were arranged in a horseshoe around a circular multi-story parking garage.  There was one multi-lane road into the airport and the garage and one multi-lane road away from the airport.

As time passed, the needs of San Francisco changed:  the airport terminals now surround the garage; an automated train connects the terminals; BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) provides public transportation to the airport; and the road system and overpasses have become more complex.

I saw an aerial view of SFO recently and was amazed at how it's changed over the years.

Has your life become more complex over time?
(Photo credit:  San Francisco Airport - Facebook post)

Complexity, change and inconsistency are the words surfacing in my mind since last week's post, A Confession (click on link to read).  I introduced myself:  "Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!"

The situation I encountered last week had to do with the elections: how divided our country is; how complex our lives have become; and how inconsistent we are with our needs or wants.  I am afraid as we try to figure where to go, we are traveling through life too quickly and missing important signs.

WE (individually and collectively) have created the complexity -- in ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Do we acknowledge what humans have created?
(Photo credit:  Highway Engineering - Facebook post)

Examples?  We say we want to slow down... but we take on more.  We say the economy has left us behind... yet airports are hitting record travel above pre-pandemic levels.  We say food and everything is more expensive (which is true), but we've been setting all-time highs in consumer buying (looking at volume not increased prices).  Cost-of-living and gas is high, yet we voted for bonds and tax increases and still buy gas-guzzling trucks and SUVs.  We point to our elected officials and vote them out of office, yet we don't change our ways.

I know these examples are myopic and incomplete, but the surface level disturbs me:  we aren't willing to have civil conversations about what we need or want.  Rather, we label The Other as the problem and create dividing lines that separate us.

Are we part of the problem?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Highway Engineering - Facebook post)

This disconnect became evident when a red-capped woman identified me as a "F------ Liberal" and accused me two days before the election of creating the problems in our country.  I noticed that I listened to the election results Tuesday evening through this isolated experience... I was hurt... I was angry... I was misjudged... I was blamed.

How bad is OUR situation and how isolated have WE become? If one-half of OUR population is upset (no matter which side WE are on), there is a problem!  This is not a WE-THEY issue... WE are talking about US!

Complexity, change, and inconsistency... maybe WE need to talk about it in a civil manner... as Americans... all on the same side... not blaming... but listening... and wondering how to move forward.

 Oops!  I forgot!  "Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!"
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

A Confession

Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!  I had several encounters this past week where I hit bottom:  I realized that dialogue was not the answer in every situation.

The first instance occurred last weekend.  I was in line behind someone, waiting to check out of a hotel.  Simple task: wait patiently, check out, put the suitcases in the car, and leave.

Where do you see beauty?
(Photo:  Rose Window, Notre Dame Cathedral,
Paris - Larry Gardepie, 2006)

This simple task became complicated when the customer and hotel clerk visited for several minutes.  Overhearing what others are saying isn't always a good thing, especially in this situation when the customer -- wearing a red cap -- began spouting how Liberals were ruining the country and how wearing a red cap often triggers them.

After several more minutes where work wasn't being transacted, we got the clerk's attention.  She asked what we wanted, and we explained we would like to check out and get a receipt.  Several more minutes later, the customer eventually moved away, across the lobby, and waited for the elevator.

What happens when storm clouds arrive in your life?
(Photo: Storm clouds over Panama City - Larry Gardepie, 2019)

Sound okay so far?  Suddenly, from across the lobby, the previous customer started yelling at us, calling us "F------ Liberals" and how we can't stand her wearing her red cap.  Then she began coming towards us yelling more hated-filled speech.

Feeling in danger, dialogue was nowhere in my head!  I yelled back for her to stop and move away from us.  (For those who know me, this is not me!)

When are you called to lofty peaks?
(Photo: Denali, Alaska - Larry Gardepie, 2004)

The customer moved away but kept yelling at us until the elevator doors opened and she left the lobby.  Dialogue was not on my mind when I turned toward the hotel clerk, and angrily accused her of not doing her job, engaging in political speech, and not coming to our aid when the abusive person was accosting us.  She smiled and said she was doing her job by checking us out of the hotel.

The second instance this week?  I am still reflecting on what happened... and will write about it next week!

Hi!  My name is Larry G, and I am a recovering dialogue-aholic!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Anniversaries and Memories

Happy Anniversary!

What?!  Did I miss something?  Are you feeling that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are reminded of a birthday, anniversary, or special happening… which you had forgotten?!

No, you haven’t forgotten… at least nothing earth-shattering… so you can relax!  This post marks the 9-year anniversary of this weekly blog:  November 1, 2015 to the present!  (Click on the link to read the first blog.)

Nine years of musings and reflections on our world and its wonderful moments… and our craziness!  These writings have been a way for me to process what I am seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking — and — to listen to your perspectives shared through blog comments, emails, phone calls and in-person conversations.

What I remember most about these 9 years is the value of perspective:  the different ways that each of us sees and interprets our world; the color that we add to the overall picture; and the sum of our truths that we share and accept.

November 1, 2015 seemed like a good starting point: having finished a 2-year study practicum on dialogue practices, attended the worldwide Parliament of World Religions, and celebrating the feasts of All Saints’ Day, All Souls’ Day, and Día de los Muertos.

It was a time of Remembrance and Gratitude… a time for harvesting ideas and intentions… a way to nurture Thanks Giving.

I am mindful of anniversaries and memories as I wait to attend my youngest brother’s wedding this afternoon:  as Kevin and Colleen gather with friends and family, I am mindful of the importance of love and support, forgiveness and kindness, dialogue and growth… ways to celebrate and remember each year the goodness of life.

As we enter the uncertainty of this next week:

• May we remember and celebrate what is important… self and community, new ways and traditions, freedom to agree and disagree.
• May we discover ways to heal our hurting world… through listening, asking questions, and seeking to understand.
• May we move away from our Win-Lose framework… by working towards solutions that address all of our needs and desires.

I give thanks to you this anniversary… for helping me to learn… and I offer you peaceful memories!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Hidden... Until Revealed

A recent trip was impacted by Hurricane Milton... positively impacted in that our trip was extended!  The most difficult part was rescheduling flights... with very few options available.  We made all of the revised flight times and tight connections... accompanied with the stress and worry in these types of situations.

Sitting back and relaxing on the final segment home, I was reminded of other flights where the clouds parted and I could see the mountains below.

I wondered:  Are there things we do not see clearly when we are in difficult situations?

What is hidden from our view?
(Photo: Colorado Rockies - Larry Gardepie)

Similar thoughts came to mind when I returned home from a weekend of reunions and memories.  Dropping through the coastal clouds near home, I found myself straining to see familiar sights below.

I reflected on the differences between living through trying times and remembering the same events years later... looking for What is Known and learning from What is Being Revealed.

I wonder:  Do our memories soften or harden over time as we gain perspective?

When do we become aware of what is being revealed?
(Photo: San Diego Bay terrace - Larry Gardepie)

The same might be said of our day-to-day interactions with family and friends:

• We focus on what we know and don't see the Unknown.
• We react to the routine rather than respond to the Extraordinary.
• We stay hidden instead of bringing to light our Inner Being.
  

I wonder:  Do we have the capacity to seek what is hidden and celebrate what has been revealed?

Can we reflect clearly what is before us?
(Photo: Reflections - Larry Gardepie

Harsh words may need to be forgiven.  Perceived slights might be questioned.  Misunderstandings could be discussed.

What other ways would you suggest to Reveal the Hidden?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Memories... Like the Corners of My Mind

I know... I am back to memories!  There are reasons for this:

• I visited with an elementary school teacher (who is 98 years young);
• I attended my high school class' 50th Reunion; and,
  
• A friend just died of a prolonged illness.

All are reminders of time passing... precious time and memories!

What is written in your Life Book?
(Photo: North Salinas High School Yearbook Cover)

I am reminded of Barbra Streisand's song, The Way We Were:

"Memories
Like the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were."

I am learning several things about these memories: the fragile nature of life... what is important and what we treasure... stability and change.

How do you see yourself?
(Photo:  Graduation Photo - Larry Gardepie)

As I listened to and observed my classmates of 50 years ago, I became curious about the paths people took, decisions made, families and legacies:  what was recalled from days long past and what we made of our lives.

People remembered that I was a long-distance runner... and that I was quiet.  If we are still in touch, they know that I love to travel, family and friends are important, and that I have had a varied career (teaching, youth ministry, seminary, human resources, project management, software implementation and design, consulting).

What are those memories in the corners of your mind?

What has changed... and is still changing... in your life?
(Photo:  Seville, Spain 2013 - Larry Gardepie)

As I returned to my "quiet self" of 50 years ago, I realized that is still part of who I am.... but it no longer speaks of whom I have become.  I am no longer the quiet person people remember.  I -- and we -- are much, much more than the memories!

I believe the gift of reunions and memories is to establish a shared base of what we knew... back then.  The beauty of dialogue is the discovery of how we have changed... and what is important to us now.

This is a lifelong process:  remembering Yesterday's Person while accepting the freedom and challenge to honor Today's Awareness.

This freedom extends to how we see and treat others in our lives... not trapping them in the Memory Corners we have constructed but smiling and accepting today's discovery.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)