Masks: What Are We Hiding?

Announcement:  "There will be a masquerade party tonight!"  Great!  But we didn't know there would be a masquerade party, and we hadn't brought a mask!  I wonder if we could wear a COVID mask... or would that project a negative message?!

This brief situation -- an unexpected invitation, followed by a mild panic, then questioning what would be appropriate -- ended just as quickly:  the host would provide masks!

Are you aware when you put on a mask?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

This is how a blog theme begins!  Throughout any given week I notice a hesitation or a bump along my road in life.  I begin to wonder what was said or just happened, and then I reflect on my reaction and how I might have responded differently.

 An announcement for a party suddenly became a reflection on masks!

• Am I aware of the masks I put on? 
• How do others see these masks?
• Is there a way to remove the mask and be myself?

And maybe a more important question:  WHY do I wear these masks?

What does your mask look like?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

I don't have answers yet for these questions, but what I am realizing is that some masks are created:

• Out of fear of what others might think of me;
• To protect myself from these fears; and,
• As a way to project who I want to be.

In addition, maybe it comes down to expectations of myself and expectations that others have of me... that is, expectations I have accepted and put on, like a mask!

How do you interpret other people's masks?
(Photo: JM, ms Zuiderdam crew member - Larry Gardepie)

As I dig deeper, I wonder what I -- or we-- might be hiding:

• Feelings of incompetence?
• Fear of being rejected?
• Not feeling accepted?

I guess it is okay to put on a mask of calm or patience when working with others who are afraid or who are trying to learn... but some of our masks might isolate and give a false sense of security.

Maybe it is time to notice our various masks.  Maybe it is time to talk about what our masks mean.  Maybe it is time to take the risk of lowering a mask or two and being accepted for the beautiful people we are. 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Being Shaped

I have had the opportunity to watch glass blowing in Ireland, Italy, Mexico, and the United States.  I am impressed by the artists' skills, patience, and ability to imagine a Shape Unrevealed.  From an unpracticed eye, seeing a a blob of molten glass expanding and being formed into a vase, horse, hummingbird, or flower is mesmerizing.

It takes years of practice to perfect these skills and artistry... as it takes years for us to practice our dialogue and interpersonal skills.

What do you see in this molten blob?
(Photo:  Glass Blowing, Waterford Crystal, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

These reflections were forming when our tour group walked from station to station in the Waterford Crystal Factory: red-hot glass being formed into predefined shapes, followed by the smoothing of the cooled-down product... and quality inspection; grids being marked off to guide the etcher into cutting intricate patterns... followed by quality inspection; creating non-blown shapes into musical instruments, flags, awards, and memorial displays... and inspection!

Several people and various methods were required to create different outcomes, always followed by inspection. 

What values are etched in your heart and mind?
(Photo: Crystal Etching, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

As we practice our dialogue skills, we follow similar methods:

• Someone is needed to blow life into an observation, opinion, or assumption.
• Others are needed to shape, reshape or etch the mental discussion guides.
• All of us are required to review and inspect the products of our interactions.

It is important to Practice our skills as we test ideas and assumptions.  Equally important is the Inspection of the interaction and the relationship.

Is this the shape you had in mind?
(Photo: Crystal Celtic Harp, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

We must be open to creating habits (practices) that allow improvement (inspection).  And, like the glass blowers and artisans, we must be willing to discard whatever spoils our finished product and accept responsibility for our part in the conversation.

As we meet with family and friends this week, let's consider a few questions:

• Do we have preset patterns of how to engage?
• Can we visualize other outcomes?
• Are we willing to inspect and improve our interpersonal skills?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Transformations Revealed

Hearing about the decline of the Monarch Butterflies we decided to plant milkweed in our front yard as a way to support their food source.  It took one or two years for the plants to take hold, but now we have four established plants... and we have monarch caterpillars and butterflies enjoying our labor!

The milkweed plants have beautiful red, yellow, and orange flowers with elongated green leaves.  What I didn't realize is how much the caterpillars would eat!  They DEVOUR the plants down to the stems!

Where do you get nourishment?
(Photo: Monarch Caterpillars - Larry Gardepie)

At times we have had adults and children stopping by and watching the Monarchs flitting about... and then notice the caterpillars crawling all over the plants.  One child asked me the first year, "You don't mind them eating the plants?"

That question stopped me: we also have fruit trees and vegetable plants where I become upset when the insects take over and denude the plants.  Why not the milkweed?  Why am I not upset at the Monarchs? 

How much do you share what you have?
(Photo: Milkweed and Monarch Caterpillars - Larry Gardepie)

I guess my response to the child ("No, I don't mind") depended on context:  the Monarchs need our help to survive and the milkweed was planted for that purpose.  Plus, I had no other use for the milkweed except for being connected to the natural cycle of life.

I was growing the oranges, tomatoes, basil, watercress, arugula, chard, and rosemary, on the other hand, for our dinner table. 

What happens when you are transformed?
(Photo: Milkweed Flowers and Monarch Butterfly - Larry Gardepie)

A child's innocent question invited me to consider when and how I share my abundance.  And... that is where our transformation begins:

• Our ability to ask or listen to a question;
• Our openness to honestly reflect on our experiences; and,
• Our willingness to change.

What transformation or metamorphosis have you experienced lately? 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Beauty Beyond

My father grew up on a Midwestern farm.  He loved to garden and had a wonderful way with plants.  One day we were walking by a house in downtown Salinas where the front yard had a variety of plants that looked overgrown and unkempt.  I made a comment about how ugly it looked.

Dad suggested that I not judge others by what I see.  We don't know their circumstances and just because their yard didn't look like ours didn't mean it was ugly, bad, or wrong. 

How do you measure beauty?
(Photo: Blarney Castle Gardens, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

Decades later I still remember his comments.  His words and the lesson were important, but it was the manner in how he guided my young mind that stays with me:

• His words were non-judgmental.
• His approach was gentle.
• He spoke with understanding and compassion.

This familial memory came to mind while walking through the cultured gardens of Blarney Castle.  The grounds were beautiful and well-manicured, but were they any more attractive than that Salinas garden years earlier?

Are there other ways to see beauty?
(Photo: Blarney Castle Gardens, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

We rely on what we see or hear... but, I must remind myself, there is always so much more that we haven't seen or heard!  For instance, when you walk into a room and see two people deep in conversation, do you sometimes create a complete story about the fragment of conversation you overheard?  Our minds rapidly fill in the gaps with what we already know!

Do we ever stop and wonder about the conversation that happened before we entered the room or after we have passed by? It's as if everything starts and stops with us and our experiences! 

Does beauty change over time?
(Photo: Blarney Castle Gardens, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

In reflective moments like this I am reminded of H. W. Mann's phrase "Beauty is more than skin deep."  It's a suggestion not to be fooled by the surface level of what we see, hear, or experience.  It's a hint to spend more time looking for the Beauty Beyond.

As we engage with people this week, let's cultivate our questions and feed our curiosity about what is Happening Beyond us.  Let us settle not for the story we create but dig deeper to Understand Beyond what we know.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Crevices of Life: Where Life Grows

Nature is tenacious!  Have you noticed that plants grow in the most unexpected places?  I remember one of my OH (ornamental horticulture) instructors defined weeds as plants that are growing in places where we don't want them.

In looking up the definition of weeds, though, I found several less flattering definitions:

 "A valueless plant growing wild, especially one that grows on cultivated ground to the exclusion or injury of the desired crop."

 "Any undesirable or troublesome plant, especially one that grows profusely 
  where it is unwanted."

How do we define beauty?
(Photo: flowering plant clinging to a brick wall,
Dublin, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

Wow!  A living member of creation that we define as valueless, wild, to the exclusion or injury (of what is desired), undesirable, troublesome, and unwanted.

Where have we heard those words recently?  Maybe how we look at people who find themselves without a permanent home?  Maybe how we see or fear immigrants in our community?  Maybe how we encounter or label family members who have a different outlook on or rhythm of life?

Where do we belong?
(Photo: delicate plant clinging to a rock wall,
Donegal, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

It begs a question of us:

Who are the "weeds" in our lives -- those people we set apart as valueless, wild, undesirable, troublesome, and unwanted?

Or, in other words, those people we exclude for fear of injury to ourselves and our way of life.

Depending on our answer, another question may surface:  Why?

What do you cling to?
(Photo:  flowering plant clinging to a retaining wall,
Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

If anything, maybe we can learn from nature:  be tenacious and bloom where you are planted!  Rather than seeing undesirables in the homeless and immigrant communities, can we reach into the crevices of our life and see sacred beauty, worth, and value?  Can we nurture and encourage?  Can we accept and include?

All of these questions require us to reflect deeply on our own separation and pain -- times when we might have been identified as unwanted or undesirable.  In addition, we are invited into dialogue about areas where we feel vulnerable, alone, and not valued.

Are you willing to reflect with me on the weeds in your life? 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting