Turning Point: Are You Ready?

Noticing that we are not happy is when a Turning Point begins.  Awareness exposes us to outcomes we could not see while we were angry, frustrated, confused, isolated...

As mentioned in last week's post (Turning Point: Are You Happy?), the stances of Noticing, Non-violence, and Non-Defended Learning allow us to Turn Together by unlocking our hearts and minds to curiosity, questions, and understanding.

What symbol have you used to show your love for another?
(Photo:  Love Lock on Rotterdam Bridge
 - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Turning Points allow us to see differing viewpoints and distant horizons.  Yes, we may not agree on what we see, but the challenge is to stay in relationship and describe what we see and the meanings we have attached.

The actual turning point is the ability to turn away from anger, hatred, and violence -- the second stance of Non-violence! -- and experience the Need for Connection.

How many "mountains" do you see in any situation?
(Photo: Waterway outside Paamiut, Greenland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

When we share our thought processes -- that is, how we came to specific understandings and conclusions -- we start our journey to Self- and Other-Discovery.  Abandoning "defending my position at all costs" and turning towards listening to another facet of reality allows us to look back and see the decisions we made based on the information available at that time.

Together, with new information, we have a choice on how to move forward.

Do you see the wake of your decisions?
(Photo: Ship's Wake in Prince Christian Sound,
Greenland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

These reflections are being written before Charlie Kirk's memorial service.  I must admit, I am worried about the messages that may be given.  Loss is accompanied by anger, sorrow, and pain.  But my fear is that some people may use the occasion to call for vengeance and blame, pointing to perceived enemies.

This is where my concerns and filters get in the way.

• Can I listen without judgment?
• Will I agree or disagree?
• How can I stay in relationship? 

All of us have questions we must answer over the coming days as our nation struggles between ideologies.

Maybe the eulogies won't be what I fear, but am I at a turning point -- am I ready -- to admit that my assumptions are wrong?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: Are You Happy?

News this week:  more shootings... more dead and injured... more assumptions and incorrect conclusions... more blaming.  No solutions.  No healing.  What is happening to our world?  What is happening to us?

I read online and have heard many people saying, "Is this a turning point? Are we ready to change course?"

What do you think: are we?

Are you happy?
(Photo: Dead Fish Skin, Djúpivogur, Iceland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Questions I ask myself -- and each of you:  Am I happy?  Are you happy?  How does this news make us feel?  Some have expressed anger, frustration, confusion, isolation, and impotence.  What are your thoughts?  How are you feeling right now?

Maybe it is a turning point... if we each make a choice.  Are you ready to choose?

What emotions are boiling below the surface?
(Photo: Thermal Vents, Iceland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

There may be some answers in the two-year Dialogue Practicum I participated in.  We learned about three stances that assist in the practice of dialogue:

• Noticing (awareness)
• When do we not notice... and therefore cannot act freely?
• When do we notice... and can choose to respond differently? 
• Non-Violence 
•  When do I think ill of myself or others... and do violence to both?
• When do I respect myself and others... and practice non-violence? 
• Non-defended Learning
• When are we defended or defensive... and our ability to work with others is limited? 
• When do we support individuals and groups... and pursue options that benefit everyone? 

What happens if we don't change course?
(Photo:  Icebergs off the Greenlandic coast - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Is the Turning Point in ourselves:

• The Awareness that we are not happy with the current state of our world?
• The Choice not to do harm to Self or Other?
•  The Practice of asking questions and trying to understand?

If we are not happy, let's Turn Together and seek a new way of being.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

We See What We See

Have you ever looked at a picture or a landscape, thought you appreciated its beauty or understood its place in creation, and then did a double-take and realized you had missed something important?  That has happened to me several times this past month!

The first was a National Geographic picture on Facebook that popped up in my feed.  I saw several horses in a desert location.  Interesting photo of Connection and Isolation.

Then I read the caption under the photo, and was I surprised at my misguided interpretation!

What do you see?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Picture of the Year, National Geographic)

A similar experience happened when our ship entered the waterways leading into Paamiut, Greenland.  The ship's foghorn had been sounding every 20 minutes the evening before our first Greenland port:  thick fog had clung to us throughout the Labrador Sea.

In the morning light, we had our first sighting of Greenland, shrouded in mist.  I took a digital photo with my phone, looked at the photo, and then looked back at the view before me.  The photo looked like 3 different images had been superimposed or overlaid, but this was real!  There were a series of mountain fjords filled with fog adding dimension and depth. 

Do you allow time to look back and wonder?
(Photo: Waterway leading to Paamiut,
Greenland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Lately I have been questioning what I see:  it's okay to See What We See -- "it is what it is."  But do we ever wonder if there is something more, something missing or not seen at first glance?

Dialogue is similar:  We hear what we hear... but, do we:

• Wonder if we understood the other person correctly?
• Revisit the conversation to explore differing viewpoints?
• Go Deeper in our curiosity and questioning?

What pool do you play in?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis - Dec 10, 2023)

I believe that life is filled with opportunities:  second glances; re-do's on conversations; considering another perspective.  I also believe that we are challenged today by distractions, negativity, and toxic environments.

As Pig concluded in Pearls Before Swine, "Life is all about the pool you play in." 

One question for us to consider as we see what we see:  "What Pool of Life am I playing in?"  And maybe a follow-up question: "Why did I choose that pool?"

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Masks: What Are We Hiding?

Announcement:  "There will be a masquerade party tonight!"  Great!  But we didn't know there would be a masquerade party, and we hadn't brought a mask!  I wonder if we could wear a COVID mask... or would that project a negative message?!

This brief situation -- an unexpected invitation, followed by a mild panic, then questioning what would be appropriate -- ended just as quickly:  the host would provide masks!

Are you aware when you put on a mask?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

This is how a blog theme begins!  Throughout any given week I notice a hesitation or a bump along my road in life.  I begin to wonder what was said or just happened, and then I reflect on my reaction and how I might have responded differently.

 An announcement for a party suddenly became a reflection on masks!

• Am I aware of the masks I put on? 
• How do others see these masks?
• Is there a way to remove the mask and be myself?

And maybe a more important question:  WHY do I wear these masks?

What does your mask look like?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

I don't have answers yet for these questions, but what I am realizing is that some masks are created:

• Out of fear of what others might think of me;
• To protect myself from these fears; and,
• As a way to project who I want to be.

In addition, maybe it comes down to expectations of myself and expectations that others have of me... that is, expectations I have accepted and put on, like a mask!

How do you interpret other people's masks?
(Photo: JM, ms Zuiderdam crew member - Larry Gardepie)

As I dig deeper, I wonder what I -- or we-- might be hiding:

• Feelings of incompetence?
• Fear of being rejected?
• Not feeling accepted?

I guess it is okay to put on a mask of calm or patience when working with others who are afraid or who are trying to learn... but some of our masks might isolate and give a false sense of security.

Maybe it is time to notice our various masks.  Maybe it is time to talk about what our masks mean.  Maybe it is time to take the risk of lowering a mask or two and being accepted for the beautiful people we are. 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Being Shaped

I have had the opportunity to watch glass blowing in Ireland, Italy, Mexico, and the United States.  I am impressed by the artists' skills, patience, and ability to imagine a Shape Unrevealed.  From an unpracticed eye, seeing a a blob of molten glass expanding and being formed into a vase, horse, hummingbird, or flower is mesmerizing.

It takes years of practice to perfect these skills and artistry... as it takes years for us to practice our dialogue and interpersonal skills.

What do you see in this molten blob?
(Photo:  Glass Blowing, Waterford Crystal, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

These reflections were forming when our tour group walked from station to station in the Waterford Crystal Factory: red-hot glass being formed into predefined shapes, followed by the smoothing of the cooled-down product... and quality inspection; grids being marked off to guide the etcher into cutting intricate patterns... followed by quality inspection; creating non-blown shapes into musical instruments, flags, awards, and memorial displays... and inspection!

Several people and various methods were required to create different outcomes, always followed by inspection. 

What values are etched in your heart and mind?
(Photo: Crystal Etching, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

As we practice our dialogue skills, we follow similar methods:

• Someone is needed to blow life into an observation, opinion, or assumption.
• Others are needed to shape, reshape or etch the mental discussion guides.
• All of us are required to review and inspect the products of our interactions.

It is important to Practice our skills as we test ideas and assumptions.  Equally important is the Inspection of the interaction and the relationship.

Is this the shape you had in mind?
(Photo: Crystal Celtic Harp, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

We must be open to creating habits (practices) that allow improvement (inspection).  And, like the glass blowers and artisans, we must be willing to discard whatever spoils our finished product and accept responsibility for our part in the conversation.

As we meet with family and friends this week, let's consider a few questions:

• Do we have preset patterns of how to engage?
• Can we visualize other outcomes?
• Are we willing to inspect and improve our interpersonal skills?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting