Another Irish Musing: Seeing Anew

Our Dublin local guide was excited about showing us this one window in a posh neighborhood of Ireland's capital city.  We were in for a surprise!

Apparently, a stuffed lion showed up in this €1,000,000 ($1.7 million USD) flat a few weeks back.  After all, how many people have a lion in the window?!

When do you expect to see the unusual?

(Photo: "How Much is that Doggy
in the Window?" - Larry Gardepie) 

What she didn't expect was the tiny dog in the window.  At first the dog also looked stuffed... a strange juxtaposition against the lion ... but, after a few minutes, the dog suddenly moved!

It made for a fun moment on our final full day in Ireland, the land of leprechauns, faeries, and "wee spirits":  what we expect to see is not always what we see!

How can you see something anew?

(Photo:  Blarney Castle through a Hole
in the Obelisk - Larry Gardepie)

This can be said of each moment of our day:

• We make plans... and then the plans need to change;
• We create To Do Lists... and nothing seems to get done;
• We focus our energy on helping others... and they hardly seem to notice.

Similar to the doggie in the window, the question becomes one of presence and paying attention.  The dog was so focused on people passing by that we misunderstood what we were seeing.  Once the dog moved, our understanding shifted.

Can you reach across what divides?

(Photo: "Hand from the Sea" sculpture, 
Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

The "Hand from the Sea" sculpture at the confluence of the Johns and Suir Rivers in Waterford, Ireland, depicts a hand reaching out from the sea and another hand reaching from nature (or the sky).  One is intertwined with seaweed and fish; the other has branches and birds.

It shows that we can come from different parts of the world... intertwined with our familial or cultural importances... and still touch one another.

This is what is important... the newness... the unexpected... the reaching out and touching another being.  It's the meeting where We-They are joined In-The-Moment.

Are you ready to See Anew this week? 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Anticipation or Expectation?

As young children, my older brother and I would climb the fence that surrounded our back yard.  The fence had a flat top that allowed us to walk and balance ourselves around the perimeter of our familial boundary.  Sometimes I would follow him -- seeing who would fall off.  Sometimes we would start on opposite ends of the yard -- racing to see who would get halfway first.  When we were the most daring, we would see if we could pass the other person without falling off.

We were learning the skills of coordination and balance at a young age, and we learned to look beyond our limited yard into the neighbor's yards and the untamed gully that bounded our neighborhood.

How do you balance what you see and hear?
(Photo credit: Balancing Act Trio,
Randolph Rose Collection)

This image surfaced when I was with my brother earlier this week.  We no longer climb physical fences, but there are many situations and issues where we still need to balance our perspectives and coordinate beyond our limited viewpoints.

For many years I was a project manager.  Balancing and coordinating became important skills for the project teams to learn... along with differentiating between anticipation and expectation.

What do you anticipate will happen in a given situation?
(Photo credit:  How to Watch Super Bowl 54 as a Chiefs Fan,
Sports News)

I don't know about you, but I came to learn that there is a slight difference between anticipating an action or result and expecting it.  Both are future-focused, but one thinks or realizes what might happen ahead of time while the other projects onto a situation or person.

For instance, as project manager, I had to anticipate that Plan A might not work, and I had to be ready to pivot to Plan B immediately.  I also had to manage the expectations that others had of the outcomes of both plans.

Are your expectations getting in the way of relationships?
(Photo credit: Do You Understand Other People's Expectations?,
Praesta Insights)

As we balance plans and priorities with Loved Ones and friends, maybe we could step back and practice the skills learned as children:

• Identify the boundaries.
• Balance between what is anticipated and expected.
  
• Look beyond our limited views.
  

 Maybe that's how we navigate these unprecedented times where information and misinformation collide, inclusion and separation divide us, and boundaries of civility are crumbling.

Peace!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What Do You Expect?

Assumptions tend to trip me up!  I think I know what I am talking about, and then I find out that most of my information was based on assumptions and faulty conclusions.  On top of it, my mind gets locked into "I am right!"  Can you relate?

Same with Expectations: right now, I am working on a huge project with a team of people.  Two months into our planning, I am beginning to realize that each of us has different ideas of what should be happening.  In other words, we have different expectations of what each should be doing at this point in the project!

What do you expect from someone close to you?
(Photo credit:  Expectations - How Expectations
Can Impact Your Life, NewRoads Counseling)

What is interesting about my assumptions and expectations is how entrenched I become:

• I want my version of life to be right.
•  I expect others to agree with me.
•  I demand to be heard.

It's as if everything is centered on me and what I think and feel.  Does this ring true for you?

How often do want your expectations to become reality?
(Photo credit: Expectation vs Reality -
Where are You Operating From?, SheCanCode)

The images that comes to mind when I defend my assumptions and expectations come from World War I photos of individuals hunkered down in trenches, trying to stay safe from enemy fire.  The question for all of us when we notice these deadly patterns in ourselves:

How do we climb out of these trenches we have created for ourselves?

Just think:  when we are in these foxholes, we have limited vision ahead -- we can only see up and down the corridors that keep us prisoners.

Once awareness sets in:  I realize all of the time and energy I have expended proving that I am right; I begin to slow down my mental-warring; and I listen to how my arguments sound.  Doesn't it sound like childhood playground banter of “I am right!" and "You are wrong!”?

When are you disappointed in others or yourself?
(Photo credit: John C. Maxwell, Quotes about Reality)

This noticing allows my mind to shift to curiosity.  I begin to wonder:

• What did he mean?
•  What might she have been thinking?
•  Do they see something I am missing?
•  Is it possible they know something I don’t know?

Real freedom emerges when we lay down our Weapons of Assumptions and Expectations and choose to climb out of our Bunkers of Seclusion and Isolation.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Time Unwritten

We are in the first days of a New Year.  There are hopes for new beginnings; plans for change and improvement; resolutions made... and kept?  Time is unwritten, stretching before us.  Our hearts are seeking inspiration and healing.

I guess after the ups and downs of 2020, who wouldn't want to seek solace in something better?

Mark Nepo, author and  spiritual adviser, wrote:

“To listen is to continually give up all expectations and to give our attention, completely and freshly, to what is before us, not really knowing what we will hear or what that will mean.  In the practice of our days, to listen is to lean in, softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear.”

I wonder:  are we living with the illusion or assumption that anything will change... if we are not willing to change? 

What conclusions have you written about others?
+ Click on image to enlarge +
(Photo credit: Pickles, Brian Crane, January 1, 2021)

Time Unwritten is that new year -- and each unlived day, for that matter -- which opens us to new possibilities and opportunities.  The question to hold gently and answer honestly is:

Am I willing to see beyond the valleys and hills -- the past offenses, pains, and struggles -- and envision a new day ahead?

The past, I believe, is meant to teach and guide us in future decisions.  It is not a place to live!

When do you marvel at the grandeur of another person?
(Grand Canyon, July 2018)

Dialogue is both an internal and external process: the learned skills of listening, questioning, and seeking truth... in all of its written and unexplored ways.  It is the gifting and unwrapping of Life's Complex Simplicity.  It is the willingness, as Mark Nepo stated, to be changed by what we hear... internally and in conversation with others.

In essence, each new moment -- whether a minute, an hour, a day, or each year -- brings us to a choice on how we want to live... imperfectly... with Truth.

How might you reshape this new year?
(Photo credit: Quotes and Inspiration)

The questions to consider this new year -- within the shadows of a lingering pandemic's effects, losses, and isolation are:

• How do I choose to live:  by working together or staying divided?
• Am I willing to be changed: by what I hear or ignore?
• Can I marvel at the grandeur and beauty of others: by acknowledging and respecting the diversity of others or seeking sameness?
  

Time is unwritten.  We have a choice.  On December 31, 2021, what will we say about ourselves?

May our imperfect choices humble us as we learn to live differently in the days ahead.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)