Noticing: Where is My Focus... Past, Present, or Future?

Recently, my computer played a trick on me: all of my emails disappeared!  I am sure all of us have had days like that - the wonders of modern technology!

Using my back-up files, I soon recovered the miscreant emails.  What surprised me is how many emails I had amassed over the past several years!  We are not talking about "a few emails."  I had over 15,000, dating back several years!

You might be wondering why I had saved so many emails.  That was a question I posed to myself, and I slowed down to listen to my answers.  In the past:

• Some people mislaid emails I sent, so I saved outgoing emails so I could easily resend.
• Some people misunderstood what I wrote, so I wanted to reread and clarify what I had emailed earlier.
• Many emails contained topics of interest to me, so I would save those emails in order to some day reread or explore the topic further.
• I would forget when friends and I had arranged to get together, so those emails helped me double-check the arrangements.

In reviewing these (and other more embarrassing) answers, I noticed that my Past was easily affecting my Present and was unfocusing my Future.  And, in fact, to be "right" or "correct" about my interpretation of the Past, I had organized my Present to catalog the Past; and my Future had become dependent upon both Past and Present remaining a certain way!

Question: How far away from the Present are my thoughts?

My colleagues in the Dialogue Practicum have heard me talk about "The Swirl," the image or action I use to describe my mind: competing thoughts, multiple options, different strategies... all swirling around in my thoughts and responses.

I noticed, though, that when I slowed down, I could feel The Swirl happening within.  There were so many ways I held onto and retained the Past and Future that my mind became a mixture of thoughts and feelings all vying for attention... and distracting me from the Present.

My mind sometimes swirls with all of the possibilities

On a really good day, I could organize or structure The Swirl so that it felt better and less distracting!  Continued studies with Dialogue challenged me to slow down even further and to ask another question:  Was I really staying in the Present when I was tending this Swirl?

Notice the 3-D nature of my organized swirl!

One of the more difficult lessons for me to realize was an ability to "hold lightly" this Swirl: moving away from defending my behaviors and reactions, and allowing compassion to interrupt The Swirl.

This is what The Swirl feels like when held lightly!

In those moments when I slow down, notice, and hold myself and others with compassion, the Swirl has less of a hold on the Past and the Present.  And the Future?  The Future reaches out and touches me and others in unexpected ways!

What has happened to the recovered emails?  They are still on the computer... taking up space... but they are no longer taking up my time or energy.  And now: new emails - once read and responded to - are no longer saved!

Questions for this week:

• Do you have areas in your life that swirl?
• What image comes to mind when contemplating Your Swirl?
• In what ways can you hold your Swirl lightly and with compassion?

May your week be filled with Compassion and Presence!

Larry Gardepie