Ideas and Feelings: In Transition and Emerging

The other day I was writing and rewriting an email.  Not only was I having difficulty identifying my thoughts about the situation I was describing, but I couldn't find words that adequately expressed what I was thinking and feeling.  Have you ever had one of those moments?

What about those times when we share an idea only to have it seemingly fall flat, or when we receive an unexpected response like anger?

At times like these, I feel self-conscious, inadequate, and unprepared.

Destructive Forces:  what did I say or do?
(Photo Credit:  Kilauea Volcano, Hawaii Public Radio
and U.S Geological Survey)

As we have seen in the media recently -- and possibly in our own lives... Words Matter!  Sometimes the words convey our innermost values and beliefs.  Other times, they attempt to shine a light on what is emerging.  And then, there are times when the words and values just don't match.

In dialogue communities of practice, we remind one another of Redo, the ability to step back from the situation, ask the other person what was said or heard, and seek permission to do-over the situation.  Like role playing, we take on and practice alternative words and actions.  We check in with the other person: was it any better?  And then we keep practicing until we find those words and actions that honor both individuals.

Unlike reruns on TV or at athletic events -- where the same actions and words are replayed over and over, a Redo allows us to try out or respond with untried options. The previous situation is sitting discarded in the background, but asking for a Redo allows both individuals to work together to improve where they left off:  trying something new; checking to see if the end result is better.  The initial event is tested against what is emerging.

Redo:  learning together

By adding Redo to our dialogue practice, the disruption to the relationship may be temporary, allowing grounds for new growth to emerge.

Reruns replay past events.  Redos focus on the future, how do we want to coexist.  We do not discard the earlier ideas and feelings, we use them to rebuild our understanding of what is important to the Other, and finding words and feelings that respect Self.

Beauty Emerges
(Photo Credit:  Mt. St. Helens Information Resource Center)

Questions to consider:

• Have I noticed when my words and actions have disrupted a relationship?
• Am I willing to move away from Reruns and move toward Redos?
• What would a Redo look like?

May beauty continue to emerge for you this week in the relationships you value.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)