Memories Cascading

Memories cascaded throughout the service:  sitting in the same church, same pew, with some of the same church family members.  This time I was a pallbearer.  The previous times I was a pallbearer and a family member.

Memories cascaded as I remembered a life well-lived:  "Mrs. B" -- 99 years old when she died... a neighbor across our backyards... a teacher and role model in my elementary years... a mentor and friend as we both aged.

Memories cascaded.

Do you remember your teachers and mentors?
(Photo: Mrs. Vi Bernard and Sr. Barbara,
Madonna School teachers, mentors, and friends)

As the Fall Season progresses, we celebrate many days of remembrance and thanksgiving: Día de los Muertos, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving -- to name a few.  Days when memories cascade into every day lives.

How do we savor this journey when Past Overflows into Present Moments?  Can we honor and learn from the Past as we are shaped by Futures Unknown?

These were my thoughts as I sat with friends and listened to the Story Lived by Mrs. Violet Bernard. 

What have we learned from our parents and family?
(Photo: Pat and Maury Gardepie, parents)

Each of us has a story to explore, to learn from, and to share:

• How do I embrace My Story?
• Am I willing to share what I have learned and experienced?
• Do I listen to and honor Your Story?

And, in our mutual sharing, Our Story emerges!

How do you honor your heritage?
(Photo: "Bud" and Marje Carroll, grandparents)

Dialogue is about remembering... sharing... listening... honoring... and learning.  The sharing of Me-with-Thee -- and Thee-with-Me -- creates a relationship that, when remembered, honors the Both-And of Past-and-Present.  Dialogue also creates space for Present-and-Future:  that is, if we choose to stay in relationship, Our Story can be written with all voices. 

As memories cascade, let us hold as precious the gifts of family, friendship, and story.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Nature Tells Us: Destruction, Change, and Possibilities

Have you felt nervous or anxious recently?   I have!  It is sometimes hard to escape the negative rhetoric, violent actions, and blame that fills our news these days.  I have noticed at times that I have become impatient or suddenly angry for little or no reason.

Have you experienced this as well? 

Is there something rumbling under your surface?
(Photo:  Thermal Vents, Iceland - Larry Gardepie)

A friend suggested that I pay attention to what my body is telling me:  tightness in my stomach; becoming tired for no reason; stiff neck or headaches.  Nature offers hints of what is happening below the surface.

Living in California, we have learned to document the tremors that shake our world.  Iceland has thermal vents that reminds the people of the enormous energy below their homes.

Nature often warns us of destruction or change, but it also points towards possibilities and hope.

What obscures your view?
(Photo: Icelandic Scenery - Larry Gardepie)

What is troubling about the current political climate is what obscures what is really happening - externally and internally.

Examples:

• Dividing and blaming others. 
• Normalizing bad behavior and words.
• Accepting hate-filled motives and actions. 

If I judge these examples against how I was brought up, I know that my parents would never have tolerated this kind of environment in our home!

The question for all of us, then, might be:  why do we allow these words and actions to become the norm from those who represent us -- who enter our homes with their toxic words and actions?

Do you have wishes for your friends and family?
(Photo:  Dandelion Wishes Ready - Larry Gardepie)

Yes, nature hints at destruction, death, and change, but it also provides daily hope.  As children, we would find dandelions ready to seed, make a wish, blow, and allow the breeze to spread our wish-seeds.

What do you wish for these days?  How can you become the catalyst for positive change?  Where can you share your idea-seeds and allow growth and beauty? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

History Tells Us: Where Life Takes Us

An elementary school friend and I have been meeting (virtually) every month for most of this year.  Our families knew each other through the church and our parish school.  We had a similar upbringing but then went our own ways in high school and followed our college interests.  Fifty years later we've reconnected.

When we began meeting, we knew we were different people than our childhood memories... but the question for each of us was: how have we changed? 

Which way is she facing?
(Photo:  Perceptions and Illusions, Facebook download)

Over a course of three months we talked about our family values (foundations), our religious or spiritual communities (inspiration), and the filters that define who we are now.  It was only then that we began talking about the more serious topics that govern our country and influence our worldviews.

We talked about the following guidelines before discussing these topics -- the "sandbox" we created to play in:

• Listening and asking questions to understand;
• Respecting the other person's lived experiences; and,
• Trying not to persuade the other person on one way of thinking.

When do you doubt your confidence?
(Photo credit:  Self-doubt and Self-confidence, Facebook download)

It's been a wonderful experiment in dialogue:

• Can I stay in relationship with someone who may have differing views?
• How do I respond when I feel tension or am uncomfortable?
• What happens when I doubt long-held beliefs?
• Where do I get my information? 

 One lesson I learned:  "Listen for the story." (Thanks, Darcy, for adding the aspect of My Story / Our Story.)

What are your "Don't Forgets"?
(Photo credit:  Don't Forget, Madalyn Beck)

Each of us has a story to tell:  the roads we have traveled; the hardships and challenges; the triumphs and lessons learned.  Being true to our personal values is important: being true to communal values is equally important.

What isn't always discussed, though, is the finite time and physical dimensions that limit us:  what it means to be human!  The only way I can move beyond My Limitations is to move from My Story to Our Story.  This means that I must respect Your Story.  As we listen... and learn from one another, My Story, Your Story and Our Story grow.  In other words, we learn to See Other in other.

Where has your life taken you?  How can I learn from you?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

History Tells Us: Voices From Our Past

Boston is one city that all Americans should experience.  It overflows with voices from our past: ordinary people who lived, breathed, and fought for freedom.  As I walked around the city, American History came alive when I saw Old North Church, Paul Revere's statue, and other places that evoked the Boston Tea Party, the Midnight Ride, and Lexington and Concord.

Our hotel, being located in the midst of these historical sites, contained a series of wall panels with important quotes about liberty, justice, and the Common Good. 

How do you make good use of your freedom?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

I have been reflecting on these wall panels over the past several weeks:

• Do we listen to the lessons of previous generations?
• Are we able -- or willing -- to change our current course?
• What inspires us to work for the good of others?

Do your actions inspire others?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John Quincy Adams,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

What troubles me about the recent violence and rhetoric?  We are no longer involved in Civil Discourse.  Leaders and representatives from our earliest foundations disagreed on how to move forward, but they tried to engage in constructive, respectful, and productive conversations. Yes, they represented diverse colonies and interests, but they learned to listen to the needs of the other colonists as well.

What can you do for our country now?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: John F. Kennedy,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

This engagement carried responsibilities that future leaders understood: to perfect this imperfect union (Inspiration); to ask what you can do for others (Service); to learn to live together (Community).

These values and other truths became self-evident.

Are we living together or perishing?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo: Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Boston Harborside Inn - Larry Gardepie)

Questions we may want to consider in the weeks ahead:

• Do I (we) listen to voices that divide... and why?
• Am I (we) living in fear of others... and why?
• How can I (we) listen and work toward healing?

As John Adams asks of us:  Do we understand how much our freedom cost previous generations? Are we making good use of that freedom?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: What Will You Choose?

I remember wise people in my life who suggested that I use the time at stoplights to pray, call to mind people who have impacted my life, moments of gratitude, or sitting in silence without music or news.

These suggestions came to mind recently in Akureyri, Iceland.  The town decided that the red light on all stoplights should be a Red Heart!

Stop... to love?  Stop... to care?  Stop... to be kind? 

When do you stop to love?
(Photo: Akureyri, Iceland - Heart Stoplights
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Maybe the Turning Point our world needs right now is to Stop... and Make a Choice that draws us together rather than separating us even further.

Another memory from my Catholic elementary school:  when tensions rose on the playground and classmates would shout "I hate you" at one another, the Religious Sister would remind us of Jesus' command... we are called to love one another!

What signals do you give others?
(Photo: Paul Revere statue pointing
at Old North Church window where lanterns
were placed, Boston - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

I wonder what signals we are giving each other: One, if we Hate; Two, if we Love?

• Are we still in the schoolyard yelling at each other?
• Do our misunderstandings say, "I hate you"?
• How do we follow the Golden Rule when we aren't happy?

Or, do we expect someone else to remind us to Stop... and Love... or Care... or Be Kind?  What if... you -- or possibly, we -- are now the adults who are called to stop the hate?

Are you willing to reach across the divide?
(Photo:  Hands Across the Divide,
Derry-Londonderry, Northern Ireland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

It takes each one of us to Notice, Choose Non-violence, and Decide how we want to move forward.  As Sister would say, "You don't have to like everyone... but you are called to love everyone."

Like the citizens of Akureyri, can we change how we see the Red (or Blue or Purple) in others and replace it with a heart that reaches across the divide that separates?

What will you choose? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: Are You Ready?

Noticing that we are not happy is when a Turning Point begins.  Awareness exposes us to outcomes we could not see while we were angry, frustrated, confused, isolated...

As mentioned in last week's post (Turning Point: Are You Happy?), the stances of Noticing, Non-violence, and Non-Defended Learning allow us to Turn Together by unlocking our hearts and minds to curiosity, questions, and understanding.

What symbol have you used to show your love for another?
(Photo:  Love Lock on Rotterdam Bridge
 - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Turning Points allow us to see differing viewpoints and distant horizons.  Yes, we may not agree on what we see, but the challenge is to stay in relationship and describe what we see and the meanings we have attached.

The actual turning point is the ability to turn away from anger, hatred, and violence -- the second stance of Non-violence! -- and experience the Need for Connection.

How many "mountains" do you see in any situation?
(Photo: Waterway outside Paamiut, Greenland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

When we share our thought processes -- that is, how we came to specific understandings and conclusions -- we start our journey to Self- and Other-Discovery.  Abandoning "defending my position at all costs" and turning towards listening to another facet of reality allows us to look back and see the decisions we made based on the information available at that time.

Together, with new information, we have a choice on how to move forward.

Do you see the wake of your decisions?
(Photo: Ship's Wake in Prince Christian Sound,
Greenland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

These reflections are being written before Charlie Kirk's memorial service.  I must admit, I am worried about the messages that may be given.  Loss is accompanied by anger, sorrow, and pain.  But my fear is that some people may use the occasion to call for vengeance and blame, pointing to perceived enemies.

This is where my concerns and filters get in the way.

• Can I listen without judgment?
• Will I agree or disagree?
• How can I stay in relationship? 

All of us have questions we must answer over the coming days as our nation struggles between ideologies.

Maybe the eulogies won't be what I fear, but am I at a turning point -- am I ready -- to admit that my assumptions are wrong?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Turning Point: Are You Happy?

News this week:  more shootings... more dead and injured... more assumptions and incorrect conclusions... more blaming.  No solutions.  No healing.  What is happening to our world?  What is happening to us?

I read online and have heard many people saying, "Is this a turning point? Are we ready to change course?"

What do you think: are we?

Are you happy?
(Photo: Dead Fish Skin, Djúpivogur, Iceland
- Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Questions I ask myself -- and each of you:  Am I happy?  Are you happy?  How does this news make us feel?  Some have expressed anger, frustration, confusion, isolation, and impotence.  What are your thoughts?  How are you feeling right now?

Maybe it is a turning point... if we each make a choice.  Are you ready to choose?

What emotions are boiling below the surface?
(Photo: Thermal Vents, Iceland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

There may be some answers in the two-year Dialogue Practicum I participated in.  We learned about three stances that assist in the practice of dialogue:

• Noticing (awareness)
• When do we not notice... and therefore cannot act freely?
• When do we notice... and can choose to respond differently? 
• Non-Violence 
•  When do I think ill of myself or others... and do violence to both?
• When do I respect myself and others... and practice non-violence? 
• Non-defended Learning
• When are we defended or defensive... and our ability to work with others is limited? 
• When do we support individuals and groups... and pursue options that benefit everyone? 

What happens if we don't change course?
(Photo:  Icebergs off the Greenlandic coast - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Is the Turning Point in ourselves:

• The Awareness that we are not happy with the current state of our world?
• The Choice not to do harm to Self or Other?
•  The Practice of asking questions and trying to understand?

If we are not happy, let's Turn Together and seek a new way of being.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

We See What We See

Have you ever looked at a picture or a landscape, thought you appreciated its beauty or understood its place in creation, and then did a double-take and realized you had missed something important?  That has happened to me several times this past month!

The first was a National Geographic picture on Facebook that popped up in my feed.  I saw several horses in a desert location.  Interesting photo of Connection and Isolation.

Then I read the caption under the photo, and was I surprised at my misguided interpretation!

What do you see?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Picture of the Year, National Geographic)

A similar experience happened when our ship entered the waterways leading into Paamiut, Greenland.  The ship's foghorn had been sounding every 20 minutes the evening before our first Greenland port:  thick fog had clung to us throughout the Labrador Sea.

In the morning light, we had our first sighting of Greenland, shrouded in mist.  I took a digital photo with my phone, looked at the photo, and then looked back at the view before me.  The photo looked like 3 different images had been superimposed or overlaid, but this was real!  There were a series of mountain fjords filled with fog adding dimension and depth. 

Do you allow time to look back and wonder?
(Photo: Waterway leading to Paamiut,
Greenland - Larry Gardepie, 2025)

Lately I have been questioning what I see:  it's okay to See What We See -- "it is what it is."  But do we ever wonder if there is something more, something missing or not seen at first glance?

Dialogue is similar:  We hear what we hear... but, do we:

• Wonder if we understood the other person correctly?
• Revisit the conversation to explore differing viewpoints?
• Go Deeper in our curiosity and questioning?

What pool do you play in?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis - Dec 10, 2023)

I believe that life is filled with opportunities:  second glances; re-do's on conversations; considering another perspective.  I also believe that we are challenged today by distractions, negativity, and toxic environments.

As Pig concluded in Pearls Before Swine, "Life is all about the pool you play in." 

One question for us to consider as we see what we see:  "What Pool of Life am I playing in?"  And maybe a follow-up question: "Why did I choose that pool?"

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Masks: What Are We Hiding?

Announcement:  "There will be a masquerade party tonight!"  Great!  But we didn't know there would be a masquerade party, and we hadn't brought a mask!  I wonder if we could wear a COVID mask... or would that project a negative message?!

This brief situation -- an unexpected invitation, followed by a mild panic, then questioning what would be appropriate -- ended just as quickly:  the host would provide masks!

Are you aware when you put on a mask?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

This is how a blog theme begins!  Throughout any given week I notice a hesitation or a bump along my road in life.  I begin to wonder what was said or just happened, and then I reflect on my reaction and how I might have responded differently.

 An announcement for a party suddenly became a reflection on masks!

• Am I aware of the masks I put on? 
• How do others see these masks?
• Is there a way to remove the mask and be myself?

And maybe a more important question:  WHY do I wear these masks?

What does your mask look like?
(Photo: Statue on ms Zuiderdam - Larry Gardepie)

I don't have answers yet for these questions, but what I am realizing is that some masks are created:

• Out of fear of what others might think of me;
• To protect myself from these fears; and,
• As a way to project who I want to be.

In addition, maybe it comes down to expectations of myself and expectations that others have of me... that is, expectations I have accepted and put on, like a mask!

How do you interpret other people's masks?
(Photo: JM, ms Zuiderdam crew member - Larry Gardepie)

As I dig deeper, I wonder what I -- or we-- might be hiding:

• Feelings of incompetence?
• Fear of being rejected?
• Not feeling accepted?

I guess it is okay to put on a mask of calm or patience when working with others who are afraid or who are trying to learn... but some of our masks might isolate and give a false sense of security.

Maybe it is time to notice our various masks.  Maybe it is time to talk about what our masks mean.  Maybe it is time to take the risk of lowering a mask or two and being accepted for the beautiful people we are. 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

 

 

Being Shaped

I have had the opportunity to watch glass blowing in Ireland, Italy, Mexico, and the United States.  I am impressed by the artists' skills, patience, and ability to imagine a Shape Unrevealed.  From an unpracticed eye, seeing a a blob of molten glass expanding and being formed into a vase, horse, hummingbird, or flower is mesmerizing.

It takes years of practice to perfect these skills and artistry... as it takes years for us to practice our dialogue and interpersonal skills.

What do you see in this molten blob?
(Photo:  Glass Blowing, Waterford Crystal, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

These reflections were forming when our tour group walked from station to station in the Waterford Crystal Factory: red-hot glass being formed into predefined shapes, followed by the smoothing of the cooled-down product... and quality inspection; grids being marked off to guide the etcher into cutting intricate patterns... followed by quality inspection; creating non-blown shapes into musical instruments, flags, awards, and memorial displays... and inspection!

Several people and various methods were required to create different outcomes, always followed by inspection. 

What values are etched in your heart and mind?
(Photo: Crystal Etching, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

As we practice our dialogue skills, we follow similar methods:

• Someone is needed to blow life into an observation, opinion, or assumption.
• Others are needed to shape, reshape or etch the mental discussion guides.
• All of us are required to review and inspect the products of our interactions.

It is important to Practice our skills as we test ideas and assumptions.  Equally important is the Inspection of the interaction and the relationship.

Is this the shape you had in mind?
(Photo: Crystal Celtic Harp, Waterford, Ireland - Larry Gardepie)

We must be open to creating habits (practices) that allow improvement (inspection).  And, like the glass blowers and artisans, we must be willing to discard whatever spoils our finished product and accept responsibility for our part in the conversation.

As we meet with family and friends this week, let's consider a few questions:

• Do we have preset patterns of how to engage?
• Can we visualize other outcomes?
• Are we willing to inspect and improve our interpersonal skills?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

Transformations Revealed

Hearing about the decline of the Monarch Butterflies we decided to plant milkweed in our front yard as a way to support their food source.  It took one or two years for the plants to take hold, but now we have four established plants... and we have monarch caterpillars and butterflies enjoying our labor!

The milkweed plants have beautiful red, yellow, and orange flowers with elongated green leaves.  What I didn't realize is how much the caterpillars would eat!  They DEVOUR the plants down to the stems!

Where do you get nourishment?
(Photo: Monarch Caterpillars - Larry Gardepie)

At times we have had adults and children stopping by and watching the Monarchs flitting about... and then notice the caterpillars crawling all over the plants.  One child asked me the first year, "You don't mind them eating the plants?"

That question stopped me: we also have fruit trees and vegetable plants where I become upset when the insects take over and denude the plants.  Why not the milkweed?  Why am I not upset at the Monarchs? 

How much do you share what you have?
(Photo: Milkweed and Monarch Caterpillars - Larry Gardepie)

I guess my response to the child ("No, I don't mind") depended on context:  the Monarchs need our help to survive and the milkweed was planted for that purpose.  Plus, I had no other use for the milkweed except for being connected to the natural cycle of life.

I was growing the oranges, tomatoes, basil, watercress, arugula, chard, and rosemary, on the other hand, for our dinner table. 

What happens when you are transformed?
(Photo: Milkweed Flowers and Monarch Butterfly - Larry Gardepie)

A child's innocent question invited me to consider when and how I share my abundance.  And... that is where our transformation begins:

• Our ability to ask or listen to a question;
• Our openness to honestly reflect on our experiences; and,
• Our willingness to change.

What transformation or metamorphosis have you experienced lately? 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting