Who Am I? Who Are We?

If you think about it, oftentimes we are helpless.  For instance, babies when they are born need consistent feeding, nurturing, and protection.  As we enter our teenage years, we need guidance and encouragement.  As adults, we encounter new situations where an easy answer is not readily available.

Maybe helpless isn't the issue:  we need help; we need family and community.

Who can help me?
(Photo:  Baby Photo - 11 hours old)

Observing life's phases, I have noticed physical changes -- just look in the mirror and I see change! -- as well as mental and spiritual changes.  As life has become more complex, I have realized how much help I need from others to understand the changes occurring around us... just look at the misunderstandings, suspicions, and hate directed at people who are different.

To be honest, I don't always understand my own thoughts and inconsistent actions let alone those of others... just look at what we say about our values... and then observe our actions.

Are you confused by our world right now?
(Photo credit:  Internet download)

Rather than feelings of being helpless, I wonder if we should change our mindset to one of being helpful.  Part of this shift might be the nurturing of curiosity about the other person:  encouraging questions about their needs, desires, hopes, and dreams.  It might require space for mystery, wonder, and discovery:  what don't I know, and what can I learn?  It might open the door to humility and trust:  I don't know the answers; I believe that we can help one another.

Where can we learn from one another?
(Photo credit:  Internet download)

As I travel around my neighborhood, city, country, and world, I notice what is familiar and unfamiliar, where I feel like I belong and where I am uncomfortable.  I also notice when I adapt to and resist change.

As we learn more... about ourselves and others... I wonder if we can:

• Relax and experience each moment.
• Refrain from labeling and categorizing.
• Respond with kindness, care, and compassion.

Maybe this week we can take a step closer to understanding that "Who I Am" and "Who We Are" are bridged by helping the helpless, protecting the vulnerable, and healing what separates. 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Healing Our Divide

The events of this past week reminded me of a trip to Iceland in 2011.  I accompanied a group of people to the Þingvellir National Park.  This park has several features: giant fissures in the earth; pathways through the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates; and a vast plain where rivers connect.

As we were guided through the rock formations and looked out on the water-filled landscape, we were told the Icelandic history of its competing populations coming together and discussing their divergent needs in this harsh landscape.

What divides you from others?
(Photo: Þingvellir National Park, 2011 - Larry Gardepie)

The image of these ancient peoples passing between the walls of these two tectonic plates to arrive at Þingvellir, "The Fields of Parliament," was inspiring.

Here we were, a group of tourist-strangers, following the same path:  passing between two seemingly immovable formations that are constantly grinding away at each other, causing temblors as one gained and the other lost.

Do you feel safe with the people around you?
(Photo: Between Two Continents, Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

Did I feel safe being near these open fissures and moving plates?  Yes!  Surrounded by strangers, we were people experiencing the same events.

Were we necessarily experiencing them the same way?  No.  We each had our own lenses of culture, upbringing, values, and needs that filtered and interpreted what the guide was telling us.

Can we see and share what is already plentiful?
(Photo: "The Fields of Parliament", Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

This seems to be why Þingvellir was chosen as the site for the annual gathering:  the people from other parts of Iceland resented the power and influence of the southwest peoples; the rock formations created a passage that brought unity; the plains had plenty of water; and the peoples brought food for themselves and others to share.

The annual parliament became a time of listening and overcoming the differences of this emerging island-nation.

Listening to the events of this week, I wonder:

• What resentments have built up between our peoples?
• Are there experiences we have in common?
• Do we feel safe with our neighbors?
  

And maybe a final question to consider in the weeks ahead:  where are we willing to gather, share, and listen to what we have in common -- and what divides us?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Differences: Subtraction or Addition?

As a child, I was fascinated by math: my parents and teachers used simple methods with fruit, Popsicle sticks and toothpicks -- teaching to add and subtract by moving objects into or out of a circle and then counting the results.  Multiplication and division came later requiring visualization, memorization, and repetition.  Remember flash cards and "Times Tables" (multiplication tables)?!

All of this came to mind recently when our travel agent made changes to a future trip: adding benefits; increasing the overall costs; dividing by the number of days on the trip to determine worth.  To make a decision we needed to compare differences from the original plans and proposed changes.

How quickly do you spot differences in others?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Spot the Difference, Josh Jagran)

I began to reflect on how often I unconsciously look for differences without thinking:

• She is taller than me.
• He is driving a newer car.
• They have different beliefs, belong to another religion, have a darker skin color, or take a unique political position.

I wonder how often we use mental-subtraction to remove what we don't like or understand?

Do you tend to remove options?
(Photo credit:  All about Addition and Subtraction,
DREME FamilyMath, Stanford University)

What caught my childhood attention wasn't the ability to remove objects from a circle:  after all, eventually you have nothing (until we were introduced to Algebra, that is)!  Rather, I gravitated towards how many objects could be added until the circle was full!  And then, when the circle itself was full, I began stacking the objects to see how many more could fit into the circle.

 

In a very simple sense I was moving from limited dimensional thinking and towards limitless boundaries and possibilities.  I soon was ready for multiplication!

How often do you include others?
(Photo credit: What is Addition?, SplashLearn)

When I entered the work force, I came against budgets, pie charts, and realizing that some resources are limited.  I can accept that.  But I also want to believe that the human spirit can do so much more.  In fact, many of the world religions have stories of multiplication -- sometimes miraculous! -- of people's generosity and kindness.  Sacred lesson:  we can do so much more when we work together and share our limited resources.

 

As I look around me today, I hope that I will add to the beauty of our world and accept the multiplication of diverse ideas that include each of us.  After all, what are our only other options -- to subtract from (exclude) and divide others?

May we be blessed this week with opportunities and possibilities to add and multiply our generosity and kindness towards others!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Missing Perspectives

Sitting in the atrium of a local hotel this past week, I was watching the various guests and their families.  Some wore masks and continued to practice social distancing, but the vast majority were not.  Life had returned to normal -- whatever that definition meant for each family.  Elevators were full; lines were formed; people jostled to be first or to get what was perceived as theirs.  After going through 15 months of caution, safety in isolation, and being careful, I wondered if we had seen or shared the same reality.

Watching the hotel elevators rise and fall in their designated shafts, I also wondered if our thinking is as siloed as these elevators:  rising and falling with only our own cargo of thoughts and lived experiences.

What do you miss when siloed in your thinking?

I continued to reflect on this line of thought as we ventured out into the San Diego Zoo.  California had just fully reopened one week earlier, yet the zoo was full:  tourists from all over the country had returned to San Diego.  Are we any safer than before while many people remain unvaccinated?  How is it that the virus can mutate and have variants yet we as humans don't allow variations in our own thinking?  What is normal about our every day lives when we can no longer see another perspective?

Standing outside the giraffe enclosure, I wondered: even with their long necks, giraffes can only see as far as their eyesight allows and the direction they face.  What are we seeing?  Which singular direction are we facing?  How can we possibly expect to see another perspective unless we improve our eyesight... change our position... or rely on others?

Is there only one perspective to be seen?

We ended our stay at the zoo with the flamingos, located at the beginning or front of the zoo.  There was noise and commotion, birds vying for attention or sitting peacefully on nests.  Maybe life is like this:  messy... noisy... varied... confusing.  Is that the normal we are returning to?  Or is normal a false security of siloed thinking?

Rather than staying in our single-shafted visions of normalcy that rise and fall with our cargo of thoughts, maybe we are encouraged to explore new Ways of Being.

How do we nurture new life?

Questions to consider this week:

• What did I learn from the months of COVID-separation?
• Are there variations of thoughts that scare me?
• Can I seek a normal that allows shared experiences AND different perspectives to coexist?

May we mourn the missing perspectives we don't see.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)