Healing Our Divide

The events of this past week reminded me of a trip to Iceland in 2011.  I accompanied a group of people to the Þingvellir National Park.  This park has several features: giant fissures in the earth; pathways through the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates; and a vast plain where rivers connect.

As we were guided through the rock formations and looked out on the water-filled landscape, we were told the Icelandic history of its competing populations coming together and discussing their divergent needs in this harsh landscape.

What divides you from others?
(Photo: Þingvellir National Park, 2011 - Larry Gardepie)

The image of these ancient peoples passing between the walls of these two tectonic plates to arrive at Þingvellir, "The Fields of Parliament," was inspiring.

Here we were, a group of tourist-strangers, following the same path:  passing between two seemingly immovable formations that are constantly grinding away at each other, causing temblors as one gained and the other lost.

Do you feel safe with the people around you?
(Photo: Between Two Continents, Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

Did I feel safe being near these open fissures and moving plates?  Yes!  Surrounded by strangers, we were people experiencing the same events.

Were we necessarily experiencing them the same way?  No.  We each had our own lenses of culture, upbringing, values, and needs that filtered and interpreted what the guide was telling us.

Can we see and share what is already plentiful?
(Photo: "The Fields of Parliament", Þingvellir National Park - Larry Gardepie)

This seems to be why Þingvellir was chosen as the site for the annual gathering:  the people from other parts of Iceland resented the power and influence of the southwest peoples; the rock formations created a passage that brought unity; the plains had plenty of water; and the peoples brought food for themselves and others to share.

The annual parliament became a time of listening and overcoming the differences of this emerging island-nation.

Listening to the events of this week, I wonder:

• What resentments have built up between our peoples?
• Are there experiences we have in common?
• Do we feel safe with our neighbors?
  

And maybe a final question to consider in the weeks ahead:  where are we willing to gather, share, and listen to what we have in common -- and what divides us?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Resurrecting Beauty

Besides the comics, I read the Letters to the Editor and Dear Abby every day.  These three ground me more in reality than "All the News That's Fit to Print."  The two letter-formats (Editor and Abby) help me to understand local concerns from one person's perspective and personal issues that people are encountering.  And the comics bring humor into my morning!

I find it difficult sometimes to absorb humanity and all of our struggles: the inability to forgive; the need for vengeance; and the desire to dominate others economically, culturally, and ideologically.

Sometimes I just don't understand...

How do you display your Inner Beauty?
(Photo - Amaryllis - Larry Gardepie)

Maybe that's why I retreat into gardening:

• Planting and waiting.
• Pruning and new growth.
  
• Enjoying hard work and harvesting.

It's the simple acts that ground us in harmony and healing.

What is your role in Pollinating Goodness?
(Photo: Orange Blossoms and a
Honeybee - Larry Gardepie)

Is it any wonder that Spring and the Holy Days of Passover and Easter often coincide?  There are important lessons for us to learn:

• Moving from the darkness and cold of Winter to the light and warmth of Spring.
• Being liberated from slavery and passing over destruction.
• Opening ourselves to a resurrected life and a Beauty Unknown.

It's our ability to co-create and bring life into this world that haunts us when we don't.

 

Where do you find your Resurrected Beauty?
(Photo: Calla Lilies - Larry Gardepie)

The challenges we face with Spring, Passover, and Easter is in our faith: our faith in nature, humanity, and our Creator.  That is:

• Even in the depths of Winter, we wait for Spring.
• Even in moments of human despair, we hope for deliverance.
• Even in painful and deadly Fridays, we believe in the Sunday After.

Maybe when faced with unforgiveness, revenge, and oppression, we are invited to resurrect the beauty that is hidden in the soil of our lives... planting the seeds of forgiveness and goodness.

Welcome Spring!  Happy Pesach!  Blessed Easter!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

This Too Shall Pass

Have you ever had a week where each day is moving toward an activity or event you are not cherishing?  A medical procedure or treatment.  A quiz or exam at school.  A report or presentation where you are nervous and uncertain of the outcome.  An uncomfortable conversation that needs to occur.

Time steadily marches forward as anxiety, fear or dread overshadows every moment.  The primary focus is on what will happen... what will go wrong.  Eventually, we may move towards acceptance... "This too shall pass."

It is as if our mind, body, heart, and soul are struggling for dominance... the human spirit trying to understand and Hope Beyond.

What do you see coming at you?
(Photo: Caldor Fire, California)

Last month my brother and his family had to evacuate their home for several weeks because of the Caldor Fire.  Friends and loved ones took them in, giving shelter and comfort during an unsettling time.  For days, the only connection to the "physical home" were the security cameras that tracked the fire's progress and the efforts of first responders and neighbors who protected the neighborhood.  Home truly did become "where the Heart is" as security and support surrounded them.

Several years ago I was on a tour of Iceland.  Our group walked through the rift between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates.  It was humbling to walk between two walls of the Earth's crust that had been thrust upward from the destructive energy of clashing plates.  There was comfort in walking through this divide... as a group. 

Who walks with you through the rifts in your life?
(Photo:  Thingvellir National Park, Iceland)

The ability to walk together through dreaded life events may be the important lesson of this time period.  We don't have to journey alone.  Sharing our fears, listening to and comforting others, becoming Vulnerably Human... these may be the dialogue skills that allow our mind, body, heart, and soul to heal.

I relearned this lesson first-hand these past several weeks as I decided to retire and was dreading an upcoming event.  Uncertainty, fear, projected outcomes, and anxiety keep me awake at night and preoccupied my days.  Talking to a friend... and allowing that friend to reach out and walk these journeys refocused what was important.

How can you see beyond?
(Photo: Ocean Scene, Inside Passage, Alaska)

To be honest, it is sometimes difficult to be honest... with myself!  Why do I dread confrontation?  Why do I become nervous with the unknown?  Why do I put off the inevitable?

Reflecting on past events that seemed so negative and dominated me for days and weeks, each turned out better than I expected!  When will I learn that these moments bring growth and a wider perspective?  When will I learn that "This too shall pass" -- and enjoy the journey and surprise at the end?

The rift between mind, body, heart, and soul oftentimes requires the energy of togetherness to realign us:  the ability to see beyond the current moment, seeking comfort and security together, and moving toward the Inevitable Goodness that pervades life!

 
May the challenges of this week lessen as you share your concerns with others.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

War on Words

A friend and I traveled an hour north this past week -- the farthest we have driven in over a year!  We wanted to explore Old Town Temecula, the Temecula Valley wine country, and March Field Air Museum in Riverside.  Though only a relatively short distance from home, we experienced many differences as we cautiously stepped out into a Reopening World.

One change: encountering insensitivity and rudeness as some people focused only on their own needs to party, play loud music, and disrupt people around them.  Our words and actions did not matter:  we were faced with "Go Boomer" disconnects.

What images come from your words?
(March Field Air Museum, Riverside, California)

Are the Safety Bubbles we created around family and close friends no longer able to expand... no longer able to include others?  Will this be our new reality: a war of words, images, and reactions?

Mind you, this was our first excursion away from our home base.  Maybe we have become too sensitive!

I began wondering, though, about the recent mantra, "Words Matter."  If this is no longer relevant to some people, how do we trust what we see and hear?  How do we engage one another?  In other words:

• How do my words and actions influence others?
• Do I Hold Back, Hold Onto, or Hold Down others?
• Where is inspiration and encouragement?

How do you hold others down?
(Duck Pond, Temecula, California)

As we move outward to embrace a changed world, it seems that we must also face our inward understanding of that world:  the struggle between what we want or need and the hopes and desires of others.

Another change we encountered:  Temecula has placed white flags around a park memorializing community members who have died of COVID.  Names and dates on simple flags fluttered in the afternoon breeze, reminding us of people missing from our lives.  The change?  The wants and needs of others -- internally missed, externally shared -- are silently calling us back to Common Unity.

What words can heal?
(COVID-19 Remembrance, Temecula)

Like butterflies breaking free from the cocoon that encased them, maybe our emergence from our COVID bubbles can be just as transforming.  We are no longer the caterpillars that were earthbound.  Rather, we are called to rise on the breezes that free us... remembering, and moving outward.

Questions to consider as we encounter others in this new world:

• What did they experience this past year?  [Curiosity]
  
• Have they lost someone or something due to COVID?  [Empathy]
  
• How can I go beyond my own wants and needs?  [Connection]
  

May our eyes, ears, minds, and hearts listen and try to understand this new world.  May we seek transformation.  May we become the change we seek.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Touching the Hearts of Others

Many years ago I was supervised by a director who listened to my suggestions and could find no wrong in what I said or did.  That was wonderful for me... until I noticed that she didn't like one of my employees.  My director found fault in almost everything this other employee said or did.  I benefited from my supervisor's biases, but my employee suffered because of these same biases.

Oftentimes our myopic views need to be shattered before the artificial barriers which separate us can be exposed.  After all, how crazy is it to stand behind a shattered pane of glass... no longer able to see clearly?

We can no longer stand idle, looking through the shattered window.  We must find ways to open the door and Welcome the Other.

When do you feel broken or violated?
(Photo credit:  Aftermath of Pro-Trump Riots
at the U.S. Capitol, Michael Reynolds, People.com)

Some might find reason to continue hiding behind our misunderstandings, prejudices and self-made conclusions about another person.  Our challenge, though, when we become aware of what separates us, is to pay attention to our assumptions... and look clearly at the Other-in-Person:  another human who is trying to survive this unforgiving world.

The symbolism and simple words expressed at the pre-inauguration memorial service touched my heart.  President-Elect Joe Biden challenged us:  "To heal, we must remember."

What do you need to remember in order to heal?
(Photo credit:  U.S. Honors American Lives Lost to COVID-19, ABC News)

What do we remember?  The hurts, pains, slights and prejudging?  Or the outreached hands, hugs, tears, and smiles?  It seems that the symbols of separation and healing are rooted in the same place... Hearts Broken.

• How have we been conditioned over the past few years to listen, to respond?
• Is our first "Go To" a criticism of the actions of others?
• When do we look for good intentions... "catching people doing something right"?

 

Is it possible to touch the heart of others... everywhere?
(Photo credit:  Heart-shaped Island Group in the River, Pinterest)

Taking a page from our political arena:  what do we want to accomplish in the next 100 days?  Maybe the invitation for our dialogue practices is to see how we can touch the hearts of others, with:

• Kind words;
• Empathy and compassionate thoughts;
• Questions that seek understanding; and,
• Actions that heal.

Isn't it time... to remember... and to heal?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Death in the Family

I remember the emotions after the deaths of my parents, grandparents, and close friends.  I recall what it was like after the assassinations of John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Robert Kennedy; the Challenger explosion; the deaths of Princess Diana and Mother Teresa; 9-11; the marches for justice after too many unnecessary killings; and the thousands of empty seats at our tables due to COVID-19.  So many milestones of loss... and transition.

The individual markers in our lives that cause us to pause and take notice:  life is no longer the same.  Shock. Pain.  Sadness.  Emptiness.

I am feeling the same after the events of this past week.

What events cause you to pause?
(Photo credit: Honoring U.S. Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick;
Brendan Smialowski, via Getty Images)

I don't know about you, but sometimes I am on autopilot:  living life without thinking, following habits, patterns, and traditions that have grown up around me.  (It's Saturday: time to grocery shop, do laundry, and run errands!)

I wonder how often we don't listen to what another person is saying... about their experiences, their wants and needs, pain suffered, feeling alone or left out.

When have we muted others?
~ ~ Click on image to enlarge ~ ~
(Photo credit:  Pickles, by Brian Crane, April 23, 2020)

A few questions as we reflect on Wednesday's march on the U.S. Capitol:

• What stories are we telling ourselves or repeating to others?
•  Who are we blaming?
•  Do we have a role to play... in the events? ...the beliefs we hold? ... in the healing?
  

Maybe just as important:  are we willing to learn and move forward together?

Can we see light even in our darkness?

Nature has so much to teach us!  The overarching themes of life and death.  The annual rhythm of the seasons.  The daily reminders of darkness and light.

 

The invitation as we notice the death, loss, and darkness of this past week is to turn off the autopilot that mutes our awareness of others, and ask questions:

• How am I feeling?  How are you feeling?
• What am I thinking?  What are you thinking?
• Is there a way I can help?  Will you help me to understand?
  

Maybe, at this moment in our history together,  we are being called to move out of our emotional distancing (due to COVID, our political beliefs, or our conclusions about others) and to reach out and to listen with intention.

 
May this death in our family draw us together!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)