Birthing New Perspectives

Over the past several weeks I have participated in virtual reunions with friends from my 8th grade class and from the youth ministry groups I coordinated.  Many of these friendships go back 40-50 years:  we are an accumulation of shared history, individual stories, and years together and separate.  In addition, November is a month of remembrance and thanksgiving: All Saints, All Souls, Día de los Muertos, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving... and it's my birthday month!

Reflecting on the passage of time and relationships -- past and present -- provides me insights into Lessons Learned.

What impressions are created when
you meet someone for the first time?
(Photo:  Larry Gardepie, 11 hours old)

I have noticed how immediate impressions have skewed how I look at people.  I am wondering:

• Are those impressions accurate?
• Did I allow the friendship to reveal the depth of the other person?
• Was I willing to be changed by new information about that person?

I don't know about you, but sometimes it is difficult to let go of first impressions!   I quickly assume I know the person because of my earliest conclusions.  I am hoping this awareness will slow me down and remind me to check out what I saw, heard, and concluded about others.

How do you see people after
they do something unexpected?
(Photo:  Larry Gardepie, displaying crocheted objects)

 

When my grandmother moved into a nursing home, her world became smaller, her sense of self-worth eroded, and she concluded that she no longer had anything to give.  I knew my grandmother crocheted, so I spent a vacation week with her -- asking her to show me how to crochet.  There were many moments of frustration as my not-so-nimble fingers tried to figure out single, double, and triple crochet stitches!  The time with Grandma was what we both needed:  I eventually overcame my frustration and my crochet skills improved; she passed along part of herself to a grandchild.  Soon after our time together, Grandma began to forget how to crochet.

 

What was unexpected:  people's double-takes when they encountered a young man working on a lace tablecloth or an afghan... like the Czech guard looking down with surprise (or disgust!), turning around abruptly, walking away and not completing his passport-checking duties on the train I was on!

Do you change when working closely
with others on a shared project?
(Photo, Larry Gardepie and project colleagues)

Our world is more connected than ever, yet at times we seem so far apart.  To bridge some of our separation, I wonder:

• Are we willing to sit with someone and learn more about them, allowing our first impressions to be challenged?
• Rather than projecting what we think the other person will say or do, can we invite curiosity to be our guide as we explore what another person experiences?
• Like children, how might we excitedly anticipate the unexpected, awaken each day to a new world, and hope for change?
  

May we reconnect this week through our awareness of first impressions, our curiosity to learn more, and our willingness to change.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Retiring My Judgments

Over the past several months I have been considering retirement.  I enjoy my work colleagues and friends, and I am challenged by the work I do... so why retire?  With this ongoing pandemic and the fluctuations of what can be done safely, I have noticed that my attention is often distracted by home projects and other interests.  A decision I have put off several times was finally made: I retired from being an employee this past Tuesday!

Watching my parents make this decision is one thing.  Going through the process yourself, though, is much different!  Reviewing your life's journey becomes very personal:  dreams and accomplishments; the value brought to the work environment; whether or not your contributions have been valued; understanding what is lasting and noticing what is important.  These are individual and intimate to each person.

Where do your thoughts take you?
(Photo: Portland, Japanese Garden)

The first few days of transition have been similar to the days preceding:  new routines haven't set in.  Instead, I have noticed an internal letting go of deadlines, a different sense of time.  It's almost like the first few days of summer vacation as a child when you can sleep in!  And the question "What do I want to do today?" takes on new meaning:  the structures of work hours and job responsibilities no longer govern the day's framework.

What I have noticed the most, though, is the gentle clearing of self-image and worth.  I believe that I have fought against being defined by my jobs or career, but I have to admit that these judgments were the container or filters in which relationships were formed.  You are interviewed and hired for a specific need; you perform your tasks as competently as you can; and along the way people begin to see the person behind the job.

What do you see when the the mists clear?
(Photo:  Mendenhall Valley, Juneau)

In this transition, I am beginning to understand the importance of letting go, accepting what is, and using time to pause and consider a new path or response to life.  The facades or shells that form our initial impressions of one another must be let go.  The judgments that limit us to Right/Wrong ways of thinking need to be reviewed... and maybe dismissed.  My fears of incompetency, not having the answers, or not fitting can be relaxed.

Where can you relax your judgments?
(Photo: South Beach, Avalon, Santa Catalina)

The gift of transition is the ability to move further into the Journey of the Heart: discovering the True Self; accepting the True Other; appreciating and encouraging people in the moment; and releasing any fears that keep us separated and alone.

We don't have to wait until we retire from our work.  We can retire our inner and outer judgments right now! 

May we celebrate the transitions in our life.  May we retire the judgments that confine us and limit others.  May we appreciate the one life we have and the one journey we travel together.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

To Let Go or Not to Let Go: Is that the Question?

Many people have used the months of COVID-isolation to reflect, to clean out closets and other storage areas, and to simplify their lives.  Pre-pandemic activities and distractions seemed to melt away as we sought solace and comfort at home... safe from others.

As our social options have begun to reopen, I wonder what we are carrying forward: what have we learned about ourselves from this time of noticing, reflection, and clearing out?

As you return to normal, what have you left behind?
(Photo:  Liberty Station, San Diego - July 4th, 2021)

As I tried to go through boxes in my garage, I would get sidetracked with what to give away, throw away or keep.  Memories of family activities, elementary school friends, high school awards, and college assignments surfaced.  This Life Review opened appreciation for parents, teachers and mentors who have guided me; family and friends who have encouraged me; and work colleagues who have challenged me to grow in skills and knowledge.

It was as if I was looking back at distant corridors of my life while at the same time seeing openings of opportunities still available.

What path will you choose to take post-COVID?
(Photo:  Liberty Station, San Diego)

The initial goal of clearing out the garage has become an on-going discovery of Life's Riches and Rewards reflected in the willingness to be curious and learn.  For instance, the questions I am now considering are:

• What baggage do I carry around with me from relationship to relationship?
• What memories are attached, and do these memories keep me from letting go?
• How do I decide what to hold onto and what to let go?

It seems that as we emerge from our COVID survival mode, we have a choice:  do we want to see the Windows of Opportunity reflected in the lenses that still illuminate our lives?

What do you see reflected in your life?
(Photo: lighthouse lens from
Point Loma Lighthouse, San Diego)

I wonder, do we... or why do we... want to Return to Normal?  Is it that we don't have to reflect on or notice the baggage that burdens us?  Is being on autopilot a mechanism that keep us from facing our memories?  Or is it that we don't know how to let go?

 

Whatever is happening, our lives are reopening.  We have choices to make on how to rebuild and refresh our relationships.  As a friend recently reminded me, maybe the file folders I have about people in my life -- those perceptions and conclusions I have made and filed away about you -- need to be reviewed.

 

Opening our Windows of Understanding will allow fresh air to come in and remove the staleness that has been undisturbed for too long.  What is the question you face today:  To let go? Or not to let go?

May we begin to see the baggage we carry.  May we reflect on the burdens that weigh us down.  And may we make choices to let go of past misunderstandings, misconceptions, and missteps.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)