What Do You Expect?

Assumptions tend to trip me up!  I think I know what I am talking about, and then I find out that most of my information was based on assumptions and faulty conclusions.  On top of it, my mind gets locked into "I am right!"  Can you relate?

Same with Expectations: right now, I am working on a huge project with a team of people.  Two months into our planning, I am beginning to realize that each of us has different ideas of what should be happening.  In other words, we have different expectations of what each should be doing at this point in the project!

What do you expect from someone close to you?
(Photo credit:  Expectations - How Expectations
Can Impact Your Life, NewRoads Counseling)

What is interesting about my assumptions and expectations is how entrenched I become:

• I want my version of life to be right.
•  I expect others to agree with me.
•  I demand to be heard.

It's as if everything is centered on me and what I think and feel.  Does this ring true for you?

How often do want your expectations to become reality?
(Photo credit: Expectation vs Reality -
Where are You Operating From?, SheCanCode)

The images that comes to mind when I defend my assumptions and expectations come from World War I photos of individuals hunkered down in trenches, trying to stay safe from enemy fire.  The question for all of us when we notice these deadly patterns in ourselves:

How do we climb out of these trenches we have created for ourselves?

Just think:  when we are in these foxholes, we have limited vision ahead -- we can only see up and down the corridors that keep us prisoners.

Once awareness sets in:  I realize all of the time and energy I have expended proving that I am right; I begin to slow down my mental-warring; and I listen to how my arguments sound.  Doesn't it sound like childhood playground banter of “I am right!" and "You are wrong!”?

When are you disappointed in others or yourself?
(Photo credit: John C. Maxwell, Quotes about Reality)

This noticing allows my mind to shift to curiosity.  I begin to wonder:

• What did he mean?
•  What might she have been thinking?
•  Do they see something I am missing?
•  Is it possible they know something I don’t know?

Real freedom emerges when we lay down our Weapons of Assumptions and Expectations and choose to climb out of our Bunkers of Seclusion and Isolation.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Disturb: To Stop Or Hinder

Disturbing is my word of the day!  Reading or watching the news... listening to people as they describe their COVID experiences... wondering about our future together...Disturbing!

In addition, I have been watching the Ken Burn's documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust.  Watching and listening to the world of the 1930s and 1940s and comparing to the language and actions of today... Disturbing!

Do you expect or want others to agree with you?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Blondie, Dean Young and John Marshall,
February 6, 2021)

It seem that our human intellect can rationalize and protect almost anything... even harm to others.  One redeeming quality that we possess is Choice, that ability to watch, listen and choose another course of action.

I wonder what it will take, though, to motivate us to change our current choices?  If wars, climate change and pandemics can't awaken us to other possibilities, what can?  When will we shift our attention from the events and devices that entertain and distract us from what is Real?

How often do you give undivided attention to others?
~~ Click on image to enlarge ~~
(Photo credit:  Zits, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman,
November 1, 2020)

As I listen and watch -- even when I interact with others -- I am trying to practice an exercise of asking myself questions:

• Was that an assumption or opinion?
• Is that conclusion closing off dialogue and possibilities?
• Did I just hear facts and data about that person or event? 

Listening more carefully and learning to analyze the information I am absorbing, has helped me to see how many decisions are based on assumptions, opinions, and expectations.  When I slow down and peel away the information and its source, I see reactions and unfounded or untethered messages biased by competing perspectives.

When do you feel empathy for others?
(Photo:  La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona, Spain,
Larry Gardepie, 2019)

It is disturbing to realize how much of my life has been on autopilot or reactionary.  Reflecting on these thoughts, I remembered a situation in third grade.  Our teacher, Mrs. Ruby Woodward, was the first Black teacher in our school.  I noticed her skin color, true -- but I loved her look on life and her enthusiasm.  I hadn't absorbed the lessons of discrimination or differences at that point in my life.  One day, as I was opening our classroom door outward, the door hit her young son, Timmy, in the face.  His glasses broke and his forehead began bleeding from the cut he received.

 

I was disturbed that I had hurt someone, especially my favorite teacher's son. After taking her son to the nurse, Mrs. Woodward took me aside and consoled me: explaining how accidents happen; I wasn't to blame; I wouldn't be punished.  What I experienced was kindness, compassion... and that her son had red blood just like mine when I was hurt.

 

In that moment the seeds of empathy were planted, and the knowledge that we can choose to understand, to have compassion, and to be kind.  We can make these choices every day... if we distinguish data and facts from assumptions, opinions, and false conclusions.

 
Through dialogue this week may we stop or hinder disturbing trends and move towards choices of kindness, empathy, and compassion.  May we distinguish what is real as we accept our common humanity.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)