Choice Points

Remember back in high school math and science classes when we were learning about formulas, memorizing and exploring theories, and conducting cause-and-effect experiments?  What I recall is the sense of discovery and exploration: what is true and known versus what might be and needs to be tested.

I was soon bored by the predictable, structured experiments because we already knew the results as we poured one chemical into another.  But, the What Ifs intrigued me!

Do you know the outcomes of the decisions you are making?
(Photo credit:  Chain Reaction Definition
in Chemistry and Physics, ThoughtCo)

That is, what would happen if we did it differently?  Yes, we could predict the outcome based on the knowledge we already possessed... but "What If" beyond the structure encouraged us to test and learn about the Unknown!

This memory came to mind when a friend told me about a workshop she attended with business school academics and economists.  The guest lecturer was presenting another way of looking at business when asked, "Are you saying business models we have been teaching are incorrect?"  The presenter responded with a "Yes" and then explained that the original business assumptions were based on self-interest and competition and not on human shared social aspects of collaboration and trust.

How much time do you take to make a choice?
(Photo credit: The Two Ways Tradition, Cheryl Mason)

I wonder:

• What assumptions have I made about other peoples and cultures?
• Do these assumptions create misunderstandings in how I see their customs, experiences, and ways of living?
• Am I willing to pause, test my assumptions, and be willing to experiment with new ideas?

We encounter many choices every day -- Choice Points -- in whether we react predictably to what we see and hear or whether we pause-test-respond in a new and "pro-social" Way of Being.

Do you believe that you have a choice?
(Photo credit:  Your Choice Makes a Difference,
Susan Gunn Solutions)

When encountering another person or making decisions about our relationship to our world, the choice is ours!  It's a matter of moving from our Cause-Effect rote-action and making choices that will move beyond self-interest to collaboration and trust.

 

This takes reflection and dialogue -- the ability to look inward at our needs and wants as we face outward to the needs and wants of others.

 

What choices will I -- we -- make this week?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Loading...

Arrgh!  THEY did it again!  Apple came out with a new iPhone and revolutionized their Apple Watch design... which meant every Apple device I owned had to be updated!  Over the course of a few hours, I focused on downloading and installing the iOS for each device, reviewed previous settings, and learned what was new.

Angst extraordinaire!  Wasted time, I thought, that could have been spent on other projects... or cleaning out the garage (that I have put off for months!).

I used to think that the younger generation has an "I want it NOW" syndrome... until I noticed how impatient I had become anytime I saw the Loading sign on the next device... waiting, waiting, waiting...

When do you get impatient?
(Photo credit:  Loading..., Freepik)

New information is being downloaded into our mental and emotional systems every day.  Sometimes we are impatient with this new information; other times we don't want our previous worldviews or mental models to change.  There is a struggle between whether we want to reset our value systems and learn something new or stay with what we know... where we are comfortable.

And more often than I want to admit, I run against an error in my way of thinking!  The advice with computers is to call someone who knows -- Support!
 

Are you willing to ask for help?
(Photo credit:  Top 15 Common Computer Problems
that Get under Your Skin, Revolutionaized)

Thus, we come against another struggle:  setting aside our ego and pride and asking for help.  Having to acknowledge that we don't know how to handle a situation and finding someone who has the skills or knowledge we don't have is a difficult step to take.

In this complex and divided world, though, that is what we need to do more and more: becoming humble enough to acknowledge we don't know and asking another person about their experiences and what they know differently.

Can you relax in the middle of your busy-ness?
(Photo:  Sea Lion Nap, Monterey Fisherman's
Wharf - Larry Gardepie)

It is only then that we can relax and enjoy our wonderful world when we:

• Set aside our own version of I Want It Now;
• Realize that maybe we don't Know It All; and
  
• Seek out people and ways to download new information.

It is only by loading and installing a new Way of Being that we can enjoy the new features that our world offers.  (I guess it's time to thank Apple for causing me to change my outlook this week!)

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Be Sides

I understand that not everyone likes math but stay with me for a few minutes!  In high school Geometry, we memorized many theorems -- and maybe, understood some of them!  What caught my interest were the shapes of objects and the formulas that helped to measure these objects:  squares, circles, triangles...  and all their variations -- rectangles, trapezoids, spheres and cylinders (if we moved into three-dimensional objects).

The intersection of art (image) and science (measurement) intrigued me, especially when I heard similar observations in Biology and the other sciences.  Example: how nautilus shells and some flowers follow geometric patterns and measurements.

When are you -- we -- in equilibrium?
(Photo credit: Sides of Equal Length, SplashLearn)

No matter what age we are, we can still learn from math, science, art, and the social sciences.  For instance, observe the current discussion -- or lack of discussion -- surrounding what "woke culture" means or when is it appropriate to teach or learn certain subjects or DEI initiatives (diversity, equity, and inclusion).  Instead of allowing curiosity and exploration to guide us through each of these topics, people are demanding -- sometimes dictating and legislating -- one side or the other.

We are no longer focusing on theorems that need to be tested (methods we learned in school).  Instead, we are talking about who controls narratives, beliefs, and historical perspectives.

When do we invite others into our inner circle?
(Photo credit:  Bring People Together,
Growing Great Schools Worldwide)

As in last week's blog, Sides (click here to read), dialogue brings people together NOT to win people over... to one side or another... to a certain way of thinking... or to accept a specific value system.  Dialogue provides opportunities for us to hear or experience another idea, perspective, belief, or conclusion.

This interaction does not take away choice of -- or control over -- a Way of Being.  Rather, it invites us into the possibility of expanding... to stand beside (Be Side) a different way of being... to compare... to stay open... and then to choose.  

But the true choice is to stay in relationship... that is, to dialogue!

Are you and your ideas at the table for dialogue?
(Photo credit, Exchanging Ideas
in the Boardroom, Unsplash)

What emerges from dialogue might be understanding, curiosity, and more questions.  I notice that when I slow down my need for control or don't close the opportunities too quickly, another option emerges: how to stay in relationship!

Our invitation this week is to stand beside another person and see what she or he is seeing.  What questions arise? 
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Welcome What Has Never Been

Our world has been struggling with COVID-19 for two long years.  I understand the desire to move on.  After all, it's a New Year and it's been difficult to stay focused and vigilant this past year.

The Dark Night of this pandemic seems to go against the  human spirit -- the part of ourselves that hopes for an end to suffering, death, and uncertainty.  We want to get on with Life.  We want the best for ourselves and our loved ones.  We say we want to get back to Normal (dictionary definition = conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; familiar).

Where do you seek Light and Goodness?
(Photo:  Full moon at sea, shrouded in clouds)

But, as each New Year approaches, isn't there a period of planning and anticipation... a time of remembrance and reflection... seeking to resolve changes in our habits?  Aren't we focused and vigilant as we await an untarnished year ahead?

I never fully appreciated the song, Auld Lang Syne, until I read through the lyrics... and looked up what "auld lang syne" means.

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?"

The poem's Scottish title, Auld Land Syne, may be translated into standard English as "old long since" -- or less literally as: "long, long ago"; "days gone by"; or "old times".  Before the ball dropped in Times Square or balloons fell at our parties, I wondered what continues to draw us back to that "Old Normal" of pre-pandemic times... our old habits... old times?

What are you celebrating from last year?
(Photo: ready for the balloons to drop)

Maybe, as we step into this New Year, we can look to our furthest horizons and imagine a different Way of Being, an original or new Normal :

• What values do we have in common?
• Why do we seek familiar routines and shy away from the unknown?
  
• When do we expect people to conform to our ideas and beliefs?
  

Normal is about common standards or practices where we conform and perform regular routines.  In many ways, we don't have to think - familiarity allows us to be on autopilot.

Is that really what we want?  Is that the Normal that draws us?

What new horizons draw you?
(Photo: sunset over Lanai, Hawaii)

Or, are we actually looking for comfort in knowing that I can trust in you or what I see, that the familiar brings comfort and peace?

 

A Christmas card that I kept last year stated simply:  "And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have not been."  If we reshape our outlook, maybe our approach this year is to nurture our relationships, ask questions where we don't already know the answers, and develop a curiosity of what has never been.

How might you welcome what has never been?
(Photo credit:  Rainer Maria Rilke)

As 2022 emerges, let us break away from our auld lang syne and co-create a year that contains the hope, the light, and the comfort that we seek.  Let us not return to the old Normal of the past.  Let our vision draw us together and focus our attention on a sense of common good.  Let us explore what has never been!
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)