Working with a non-profit organization a few years ago, I was aware of a situation that the executive team was having difficulty discussing. Rather than approaching the dilemma head on, I asked each person to write down what was seen, understood, thought and felt. I explained ahead of time that each individual would have a choice what was shared... but I asked them to be honest with themselves and to write down everything that they observed.
I then asked them, on the left-hand column of their papers, to write down what they could not say... and why. I assured the team that I would not collect their papers, that no one would see what they wrote, and that I would not coerce them to say what they were unwilling to share.
The choice was theirs to describe what they could in that moment.
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| What do you see? ~~ Click on image for larger view ~~ (Photo credit: The Blind Men and the Elephant, Sophia Tepe) |
Each person was given the opportunity to speak -- when they were ready -- with no limit on time. After each individual we spent a few minutes in silence to think about what was said. People could write down questions or thoughts about what they heard, but this first round was about describing what you saw, thought, and felt -- without interruption or questioning or problem-solving.
Once everyone had a chance to share their points of view we again sat in silence. Rather than going into clarifying questions or addressing what was in common or different, I invited the team to reflect on what it was like to be listened to without interruption and what it was like to listen without having to respond.
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| Where is your focus? (Photo: Embassy Suites San Diego Bay, Larry Gardepie) |
This executive team touched their humanity: shared places of not seeing or knowing; feelings of being lost or overlooked; and opportunities to connect on deeper levels of understanding. We then took a 15-minute break (in silence) so that what was said could percolate. When people returned, we moved into curiosity: asking questions; accepting differences; and seeing what was in common.
At the very end of our time together, we approached the "Elephant in the Room" by asking one question: What do we want to do about this situation?
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| Is there a non-violent way to approach your situation? (Photo credit: Mahatma Gandhi, Brainy Quote) |
I was moved by the way this team chose to address their situation. Instead of immediately going into problem-solving or blaming, they began to understand how differently they thought and understood. A more profound truth began to emerge and other options surfaced as they slowed down and realized there were multiple ways to interpret and address a situation.
I wonder, with the complexities we encounter these days, is it time to listen and see what part of the elephant our blindness is trying to understand?
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| Larry Gardepie (click on link for website) |
