Vacation Dialogue: Interpreting a Comma

I have been home a week already, and the vacation memories and dialogues continue to cycle through my thoughts!

One story that deserves appropriate reflection centers on a miracle of discovery: that is, how we hear, interpret, and understand one another.  What with our different backgrounds, education, languages, and experiences, it is amazing that we communicate as well as we do!

Many destinations and ways to get there

At one point in our journey, one gentleman asked our guide if he could begin walking ahead of the tour group.  He explained that he walked slower and didn't want to hold up the group.  The guide gave what I heard as the following instructions: "Go to the square up ahead, to the right."

I had been in this area before, and I knew that there was a square around the corner to the right.  This is what I heard and what I understood.

Understanding the moves we make and why

The gentleman started walking ahead.  Within two minutes, the last person from our group arrived at the meeting point; we began walking together in the direction the man had taken; and we had arrived at the square (plaza).

Our guide stopped us at the square.  The problem became apparent to the rest of us: there were 5 different directions to leave the square, and the man was nowhere in sight!

Not seeing him up and down the streets, the guide took us up the center route and directed us to the waiting coach (bus).  The man's wife and I offered to help the guide search for him, while the others waited with the bus driver in the coach.

Using the lifelines available to us

Throughout the thirty minutes that we searched up and down the streets, the original meeting point, and the plaza, the guide stayed professional and calm, wondering out loud: where could he  have gone; his instructions were to go to the square on the right; he doesn't walk that fast; why didn't he wait at the square?

What barriers do we see or experience?

We eventually found him: up the hill, along the street to the right of the square, about a half mile from the square.  Upon seeing us, he immediately accused the guide of giving him incorrect instructions.  And, when we arrived back at the bus, he loudly told others that the guide was at fault.

I, and others on the tour, were surprised; some became indignant!  There was no sense of self-incrimination, involvement or apology.  Instead, the blame of another person was his focus.

This incident has stayed with me as I have considered:

• How often I misunderstand another person or what is being said to me;
• The barriers I put up to defend myself or keep others away;
• Responses of embarrassment, fear or anger when different views are expressed, or when I may have misunderstood.

Rays of hope part the dark clouds that obscure

By the next day, "his story" continued to take shape, as he continued to blame the guide and reminded us of her mistake.

Through reflection, I see the defendedness of each person and I realize that this may be a situation of misinterpreting or misplacing a comma!  Seeing it through the intentions of the guide, she was describing that the plaza would be to the right.  She repeatedly explained that she expected our walking group would overtake him by the time we arrived at the square; she expected him to stay at the square and walk with us to the bus.  And hearing the comma through his reactions, it seemed that he understood he should go to the square, take the street to the right, and continue on until he found the bus.

When we misunderstand another person or a situation, maybe a ray of hope can be found by: slowing down; listening for a comma that may have been misplaced; and anticipating a new way of understanding.  Pausing and moving away from right/wrong, good/bad, and fault/blame reactions may allow the dark clouds to part and the light of recognition to stream through the situation.  Awareness and compassion will help us to see that it may simply be a misplaced comma which causes the separation between words which were meant to connect.

Our invitation this week is to listen for those commas, waiting for the miracle of discovery, a  new way of being and understanding!

Larry Gardepie