Vacation Dialogue: Creative Ways to Keep Doors Open

Over the last several weeks I have been mulling over a creative moment experienced on vacation when the seas were rough and rocked our ship.  Being far from land, the churning waves with all of their natural power dangerously upset our fragile existence.  But more about that creative moment later!

Churning waves create danger, insecurity and drama.

Instead, let's focus first on those times when churning waves or drama upset our day-to-day lives!  You know those times: when someone - or maybe, you  - have created a wake of misunderstanding, chaos, or confused feelings.  Recall and compassionately consider one of those times.

Maybe doors were closed, barred against others entering, and kept family members, friends or colleagues from connecting.  Maybe something was said or not said.  Maybe it was an action whose meaning was assumed or interpreted.  For me, those times churn on as I try to figure out what happened and what my role may have been.

Have we encountered gates which separate us,
as if saying "Keep out"?

Stay with that event or memory.  Does it call forth:

• Barbed words which still hurt?
• Emotions of frustration, anger, confusion, or _________?
• Feelings of loss and separation?

I wonder if those closed and gated memories remain in place to protect us?  I wonder if we sometimes have no energy to remove or reconcile the past barbs and taunts because the energy is used to keep our doors closed?

When have our words been barbed?
Are we telling others to "Stay away"?

Practicing Chris Argris' Dialogue Skills and being reminded of the Ladder of Inference allows us to see life and hope where there may only have been hardened walls.  It must be said: dialogue work is not easy!  There may not be quick solutions.  Instead, practicing how to listen to and understand another person may provide opportunities to build bridges over barbed history or reach through the gated walls.

Life holds on and Hope grows in unexpected places (Corfe, England)

So, back to the churning seas of my vacation.  The sliding door to our stateroom bathroom would slam open and shut with each powerful wave.  Sitting there doing nothing, I found myself getting more and more angry and disturbed with the relentless waves and the banging door.  After about 20 minutes of inaction, I pulled out my crochet needle and yarn and figured out a simple pattern that would hold the door open: one end being a loop to place over the bathroom door handle and the other end being straight which could be tied to the bathtub/shower handrail

Now, the door could be safely held open as the ship pitched and swayed.  When the door needed to be closed, the loop could be removed from the sliding door's handle.  A pause followed by a creative moment allowed my anger and frustration to ease.  The churning waves continued to provide drama for the next few days but I was no longer distracted by a slamming door!

A creative solution to hold a door open!

I have found that when I pause in my frustration, anger, or misunderstanding with another person, a creative freedom sometimes surfaces which allows calmer thoughts and solutions to prevail.

I assume there may be times that nothing can be done about a situation and the doors may need to remain shut.  But, just maybe, there are times when calmer waters and light streaming through dark clouds, can help us to forget the churning waters, gated walls, and barbed words that have separated us.

A calm sea with distant horizons and streaming light

Questions to consider this week:

• Are there barbed words that still entangle you?
• Can you imagine a different way to respond... to these words, memories, or people?
• Is there a creative way to slide and keep the door open... for just a moment or two? 

Let us pause... and consider our individual choice to bring creative solutions and peace to this week!

Larry Gardepie