It's time to celebrate the NE...

Have you noticed how sometimes you can anticipate what someone else says or does... especially those closest to you?  It's uncanny how our minds fill in the blanks, answer questions before they are asked, or expect another person to act a certain way!

But, before we go any further, let's see how you do in the following exercise:

• On a blank piece of paper, make three columns, and
• Write down words that fulfill   N E _
• Write down words that fulfill   N E _ _
• Write down words that fulfill   N E ...

Without showing your paper or revealing the instructions ahead of time, give someone close to you a blank sheet of paper and ask this person to make these three lists.  Together, compare your papers.  What do you notice?  Any similarities?  Any differences?

Now, if you dare, find someone you don't know very well -- maybe someone from a different region of the U.S. or a different culture or who doesn't speak your primary language.  Give this person the same instructions.  Compare the results from your list and the other two lists.  What observations can you make... about words listed?... about how the lists were displayed on the paper?... about whether the instructions were followed exactly the same?

What do you see?

It seems that some people hear the punctuation through tone of voice while others see it through visual cues.  Like the exercise, we fill in the blanks, creating definitions of what one space, two spaces, or three dots may mean.  And then, at times, it seems that we want our answers to be the right ones!  What do we do then?  Do we defend our interpretations?  Do we try to figure out the differences and sort through what is reasonable?  Do we listen to the other person's interpretations and insights? 

As I continue to 'practice dialogue,' I find that I sometimes am locked into My Way of hearing and seeing.  It is as if My Upbringing -- family, culture, education, the many ways I learned -- define the rules and experiences that I live by even to this day.  And, shockingly, I sometimes realize these rules may not be the same for the person next to me!

Look at an object familiar to most of us:  a chair.  What makes a chair... 'a chair'?  Who created its structure?  Who taught us its function?  And, when entering a conference room and seeing an empty chair, how do we know what to do?  This is an example of an SCR (Socially Constructed Reality): we have created and defined the object.  It's what gives our society structure and cohesion... until something unexpected happens or someone doesn't know The Rules!

When we see a chair, how do we know what to do?

In the first photo, did you identify the hands as chairs?  When did you see any differences... or did you?  And, what would you do if you saw two empty chairs in the middle of an alley?  Would you necessarily fulfill their function by sitting down?  It depends?  Not necessarily?

Are you suggesting that we have a choice?  That we don't always have to follow the defined SCR when it is noticed?

The magic of anticipation and surprise

An invitation for this week:

• Notice SCRs that have defined or affected your relationships.
• Consider that you may not know what another person is thinking and feeling.
• Ask questions without anticipating the answers.
• Listen, and be surprised by the Gifted-People in your life who are slowly being  unwrapped.

2016:  Thank You!
2017:  Welcome!  

This week, may we be thankful for the people who have crossed our paths in 2016... and may we hold gently the Unwrapped Gift of 2017, cuddled sacredly in our arms!

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting