Walls or Bridges: What Do We Notice?

I love to travel!  It gives me an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone, to look anew at the world we live in, and to experience cultures and traditions that may be unfamiliar or strange to my way of thinking.  I also notice my reactions to people from my country:  Americans, who are sometimes at their best and who sometimes reveal our parochial or insulated tendencies!

Traveling, in many ways, is about walls and bridges: structures that obstruct our journey or provide passage to other realities.

No matter how beautiful the walls may be,
they oftentimes restrict the view
(Colonial Antigua, Guatemala)

How many of the following situations sound familiar?  (They all happened on my last voyage!)

• Scenario 1:  A tourist interrupted the tour guide, "Tell us about what we are seeing, not things about your country."

I noticed that I cringed at this American tourist's comment.  I then wondered how often I say or think the same: tell me what I want to hear, not what you have to tell me.  A wall instead of a bridge?

• Scenario 2:  Tourist A asked Tourist B: "Are you from Arizona?"  Tourist B's response, said in a defensive tone:  "No!  I am from California!  Why would you think that I am from Arizona?"  Tourist A, apologetically replied:  "Oh, I saw your Arizona T-shirt, and I am from Arizona,"  with Tourist B abruptly closing out the exchange:  "Well, I have T-shirts from Mexico and Panama, but I don't live there either!"

I noticed that the first tourist was trying to build a connection and I was surprised at the abruptness of the second tourist.  This jolt allowed me to notice others things about myself.

I wondered how often, like Tourist A, I try to make connections through my observations and curiosity.  But, because my assumptions may be wrong, a wall is built instead.  And, like Tourist B, I wondered how often I become upset when another person's assumptions misrepresent who I really am.  Questions I may need to consider:  What do I 'externally wear' that adds to another person's observations?  Am I willing to answer questions that allow bridge-building instead of wall-defending? 

• Scenario 3:  With a passenger manifest from Australia, Britain, Canada, Germany, Italy, Mexico, and countries throughout Central and South America, I overheard one American tourist laughing at and commenting about another person's accent and use of a specific phrase.

What seemed funny to me about this situation?  I noticed that the person who was joking about the passenger had a very thick Southern drawl.  I wondered:

• How often do I not see or hear myself the way others do?
• Do I hear my own accent or strange use of words?

Bridge of the Americas: connecting peoples of two continents

Walls or bridges?  The challenge in these complex times is the realization that we have a choice in which structure to use:  walls to protect and keep others out or bridges to connect and support!

So, to reveal an experiment:  review the blog posting of November 12:  Elections, Reflections: Dialogue and Healing - A Beginning (click on blog title).  Do you see anything unusual in this entry?

Electoral Map 2016:
Divided by Red and Blue boundaries

When I published this November posting, I expected someone would correct me or make an observation of a "mistake" made in the posting.   But, having no queries, I wondered:

• Are our filters and perceptions so immediate and ingrained that we don't always see  the reality embedded in the situation?
• As a society, are we too polite to speak up?
• Are we so used to the walls that divide that we don't see the bridges that connect?
• Or, maybe no one read the blog!

What is unusual about this November blog?  Red State is colored in blue and Blue State is colored in red.  How many of us read Red State and Blue State not realizing the colors in the blog were opposite what the words represented?

In other words, what blinders or barriers have we set up in our mental models that keep us from actually seeing Reality?

As we enter these final weeks leading into the Christmas season, we are invited to slow down and Notice What is Real.  Maybe consider the following questions:

• How often do I see and hear what I want to see and hear?
• In what ways can I learn to listen and hear what others are saying?
• How might I ask and open myself to what you are experiencing?

May this week be one of exploration and decisions: shall we build walls or bridges?

Larry Gardepie
Dialogue San Diego Consulting