Sunday, March 4, 2018

What is Heard: A Journey of Understanding

A misunderstanding... leading to confusion, frustration and anger... speaking honest but harsh words... resulting in hurt feelings, silence, and separation.  When was the last time this happened to you?

There are times when relationships with loved ones, friends, and colleagues seem so easy:  those times when we agree or see a situation similarly.  Other times we encounter divisions as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon:  when we experience conflicts about perceptions, conclusions, and decisions.

What is Heard:  Learning to Ask Questions
 Click on comic to enlarge
(Baby Blues, Rick Kirkman & Jerry Scott, February 19, 2018)

Recently, I was asked to give feedback about a specific proposal.  Early in the conversation I was told that other team members were in agreement on this new idea.  As I was listening, I noticed that I was having several internal reactions:
  • I questioned some of the assumptions;
  • I wondered how our customers currently use this functionality; and,
  • I felt outnumbered.

At the time, I thought that my questions were helping me clarify the proposal and to understand its intended purpose.  I wanted to give a fair response.  But, when I couldn't shake the proposal's assumptions and my feelings, I gave what I thought was an honest response:  one that was different from my team members.  The rest of the conversation didn't go very well!

I have been replaying the moments before I gave my answer:  maybe I didn't fully understand the proposal; maybe I was still holding onto my internal reactions; maybe I could have asked better or more insightful questions.  But, more importantly, I have been wondering what paths could have been explored after we realized my answer varied from my teammates.  For instance:
  • What words can be used when we see a situation differently?
  • How do we stay in relationship when decisions don't go our expected or anticipated way?
  • Is there a way to honor silence and respect separation as people consider what happened... mixed with the commitment to stay in dialogue?

What is Heard:  Being Okay with a Journey
(Riviera, Ensenada, Baja California, Mexico)

I am learning that sharing information, attempting to understand another viewpoint, and staying in relationship are important aspects of a life-long journey:  sometimes we are in step with our companions; sometimes we are out of step or walking in opposite directions; and sometimes we are carrying and caring for those we love.

I wonder:
  • Am I expecting only easy solutions on this journey?
  • Do I anticipate... look too far ahead... or expect there is only one path ahead?
  • Is it better to stay in the moment, waiting for individual truth to be revealed?
  • Can I become vulnerable and commit my safety to others even when the road ahead looks rocky and uneven?
What is Heard:  Coming to Peace
(Ali'i Kula Lavendar Farm, Kula, Maui, Hawaii)

It seems that when I slow down, listen deeply, ask questions, and notice when my body reacts to a situation, I can find peace in knowing that I tried.  Each step of the journey is important. Each step is a lesson learned.  Each step is a forgiveness of earlier missteps.

May this week provide moments when we agree and disagree.  May we explore what is heard and understood.  May we notice and question when we expect a specific answer.

Larry Gardepie

(click on link for website)

No comments:

Post a Comment