There are times when relationships with loved ones, friends, and colleagues seem so easy: those times when we agree or see a situation similarly. Other times we encounter divisions as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon: when we experience conflicts about perceptions, conclusions, and decisions.
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| What is Heard: Learning to Ask Questions Click on comic to enlarge (Baby Blues, Rick Kirkman & Jerry Scott, February 19, 2018) |
Recently, I was asked to give feedback about a specific proposal. Early in the conversation I was told that other team members were in agreement on this new idea. As I was listening, I noticed that I was having several internal reactions:
- I questioned some of the assumptions;
- I wondered how our customers currently use this functionality; and,
- I felt outnumbered.
At the time, I thought that my questions were helping me clarify the proposal and to understand its intended purpose. I wanted to give a fair response. But, when I couldn't shake the proposal's assumptions and my feelings, I gave what I thought was an honest response: one that was different from my team members. The rest of the conversation didn't go very well!
I have been replaying the moments before I gave my answer: maybe I didn't fully understand the proposal; maybe I was still holding onto my internal reactions; maybe I could have asked better or more insightful questions. But, more importantly, I have been wondering what paths could have been explored after we realized my answer varied from my teammates. For instance:
- What words can be used when we see a situation differently?
- How do we stay in relationship when decisions don't go our expected or anticipated way?
- Is there a way to honor silence and respect separation as people consider what happened... mixed with the commitment to stay in dialogue?
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| What is Heard: Being Okay with a Journey (Riviera, Ensenada, Baja California, Mexico) |
I am learning that sharing information, attempting to understand another viewpoint, and staying in relationship are important aspects of a life-long journey: sometimes we are in step with our companions; sometimes we are out of step or walking in opposite directions; and sometimes we are carrying and caring for those we love.
I wonder:
- Am I expecting only easy solutions on this journey?
- Do I anticipate... look too far ahead... or expect there is only one path ahead?
- Is it better to stay in the moment, waiting for individual truth to be revealed?
- Can I become vulnerable and commit my safety to others even when the road ahead looks rocky and uneven?
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| What is Heard: Coming to Peace (Ali'i Kula Lavendar Farm, Kula, Maui, Hawaii) |
It seems that when I slow down, listen deeply, ask questions, and notice when my body reacts to a situation, I can find peace in knowing that I tried. Each step of the journey is important. Each step is a lesson learned. Each step is a forgiveness of earlier missteps.
May this week provide moments when we agree and disagree. May we explore what is heard and understood. May we notice and question when we expect a specific answer.
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| Larry Gardepie (click on link for website) |
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