Transformation and Freedom: Noticing All Values through Dialogue

My mind continues to process events and images of the past several weeks:  school or officer shootings; strikes, walk-outs, demonstrations, and marches; diplomats expelled; missile tests... an overwhelming flow of stories, words, and competing values churning around us.

Like the ocean tides and shorelines, our lives are awash in stories, conflicts, opposing thoughts... and endless media coverage!  As a society, we are in constant motion... and, over time, we change and reveal who we are.  Just look at where you were and what you believed 5, 10, or 15 years ago!  Are you the same today?

Hidden among this week's stories:  Richard Phillips, a man wrongfully incarcerated for 45 years, is released from prison.  At 71 years old, more than half of his life has been behind bars -- locked up.  The difference in this story?  He is not bitter.  His lawyer describes Richard as "an incredibly warm and engaging person."  Richard views justice as a system of checks and balances... which takes time.

What values do you hold dear?

Another image:  during last week's March for Our Lives, a woman was holding a child and a sign, "Arms are for hugging."  A portrait of human contact, protection, and sharing an opinion.

Another story:  The words "Cold War" have resurfaced in this week's news.  Whether exploring global politics or individual relationships, I wonder... when have we left behind the "cold wars" in our lives?  That is, those times when our hearts and minds were... or have remained... bitter, hardened and frozen, not listening to or accepting another person or viewpoint.

Have you ever wondered what causes you to stay in relationship with some people but walk away from others?  As I reflected on this question, I was reminded of a saying spoken by my parents years ago:  "It takes two to tango *."

*  From the Cambridge Dictionary:  "Said when you want to emphasize that both people involved in a difficult situation must accept the blame, or that an activity needs two people who are willing to take part for it to happen."
 

When are you or your values frozen in place?

Moving forward from these images and stories:  recall times when you were not bitter... when you noticed an internal "checks and balance" where:

• I could agree with a loved one, friend or colleague... and
• I could disagree with that same person over an opinion, conclusion or value... and
• I stayed in relationship with that person.

Hold onto that moment.  Explore it.  What has changed: In you?  In that person? In the world we now live in?  Have the and's been replaced with but, I could not?

How do you demonstrate your concern, care, and love?

As we move further into Springtime and the holy seasons that many religions celebrate at this time of year, we are reminded of Transformation, moving from one way of life to another.  And, just maybe with this transformation, there is an invitation to reflect on how to move forward:

• What values are important to you?
• Do you know what values are important to me?
• How might we share our values with one another?
• Can we listen -- without judgment -- as we freely explore our unfolding gift of relationship?

And, ultimately, through questions and dialogue, are we willing to allow all values to be respected and accepted?

Maybe, like Richard, it is time to become warm and engaging people:

• Releasing ourselves from bitterness, fear, and anger;
• Unlocking ourselves from years of Self- and Other-Incarceration; and,
• Opening our arms to embrace.

Blessings, as we free one another from the prisons of our memories!  May we be willing to become warm and engaging people!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

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