Escalation: We Have a Choice

"Do I or don't I?"  That is the question!  How often do we face a fork in the road:

• Do I say what is really on my mind?
• How honest should I be in this situation?
• Will this relationship withstand the differences between what I see, believe, and do?

These decision-moments are evident throughout the day -- played out in our individual lives and in the public arena within communities, between elected representatives, and among world leaders.

Escalation:  what are your triggers?
* * Click on comic to enlarge * *
(Photo credit:  Pearls Before Swine, by Stephan Pastis, 01/23/19)

Do I or don't I?  Maybe that is not the primary question.  Maybe there are other questions to consider... questions that surface our intentions:

• What causes me to escalate a dilemma?
• Why do I want to respect only my values but not honor your values or our differences?
• Do I want to stay in relationship?  Why or why not? 

It seems that we may need to see clearly the dark clouds of our human nature:  those potholes we try to navigate around; those irritants that trigger us.

But, I must confess:  there are times I want to pull those triggers.  I wait for the moment when I can be "honest" and tell someone off!  How about you:  do you enjoy it when you are triggered?

Escalation:  do you see dark clouds ahead
in your relationships?

Dialogue provides opportunities where we can become curious about another person:  I wonder why she said that?  I wonder what he is feeling?  I wonder what experiences they have learned different than mine?  Practicing curiosity -- by asking questions -- helps us to  encounter two characteristics that will dispel the dark clouds: vulnerability and courage.  Realizing that I don't have all of the answers opens me to being vulnerable.  It takes courage to seek answers to our questions.

Becoming curious, vulnerable, and courageous creates a reflective moment which invites us into a choice:

• Do I escalate the misunderstandings and walls that have built up between us? -- or --
• Do I listen with an open mind to the personal revelations that are opening between us?

Escalation: we have a choice!

We have a choice:  to see the dark storms on the horizon or to be transformed so that we see light and understanding.  And, we have a choice when we allow the other person their choice as well.  Yes, I can be honest about the values important to me.  But, I can also honor, respect, and now understand the differences that bring us both closer together.

Do I or don't I?  The choice is about pulling the trigger or becoming curious about other ways to see the world.

May this week provide moments when we notice our triggers, our intentions, our questions, and the vulnerability and courage to choose to understand.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)