Do I really understand another person... what is being said; the actions taken; the conclusions made? It's a question I revisit many times during the week.
I try to understand. I think I understand. I try to explain so that I am understood. But, in the end, do I really understand another person's experiences and worldview? Am I understood?
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| What don't you understand? (Serpent Tree, San Diego, CA) |
These questions surfaced as I talked with Ann, a dialogue colleague, who recently went through cochlear implant surgery. (You may recall an earlier blog, What are We Willing to Unlearn?, where Ann is trying to unlearn her lipreading skills.)
Ann mentioned that her speech is improving because she can hear clearly the words she and others are saying. Friends are working with her: saying a word while Ann repeats what she heard.
At one point in our conversation, Ann shared with me a profound quote and insight:
"I finally understand why people didn't understand why I didn't understand."
Because hearing comes naturally to the majority of people, they don't understand when someone doesn't hear clearly.
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| Can you build bridges of understanding? (Golden Gate Bridge at sunrise) |
Think
of the times when we see or hear someone: we were so sure that we
understood only to find out later that there was a misunderstanding.
Did we even consider we may not be seeing clearly or
hearing precisely? For me, I automatically assume that I understood and was understood!
It almost takes an implant of humility to bridge what we think we understand and the reality of finally understanding: the dawning or acceptance that we may not be seeing clearly or hearing precisely.
It is at this point of departure where our questions can bridge the differences between thinking and being: I now understand what I didn't understand! I am really curious about what you said!
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| Where do you want to go? (Astoria-Megler Bridge, seen from Astoria, OR) |
Through dialogue we seek to understand, but the bridge to reality must open us to humility and vulnerability:
- What don't I know?
- What am I not understanding?
- How can you help me?
Bridges of understanding require that we risk crossing gaps in what we know. The fear of releasing long-held beliefs may keep us from seeking another perspective. Assuming that we have the answer may keep us from asking questions.
Maybe the challenge for us this week is to "finally understand why people didn't understand why I didn't understand"!
What do you think?
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| Larry Gardepie (click on link for website) |
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