Movement: Time for a Clear Out

Have you noticed words or phrases that sound familiar but may be used differently while watching TV shows or movies produced by other countries?  The familiarity and differences seem to balance a sense of uniqueness with being “at home” -  a newness that brings comfort and safety.

One British phrase that catches my attention is “Clear Out.”  Depending on how it is used, it doesn’t necessarily mean "Get out of my way!"  Instead, “having a clear out” would mean that a person is cleaning up, rearranging, giving or throwing away objects no longer needed.  It would be similar to our use of “Spring Cleaning.”

There are times in our lives when it is important to notice what is cluttering our lives.  After I clear out things in my house, I feel like my life has become simpler… there is less to hold me down.

Movement:  from clutter to simplicity

As we move from the cold, wintry months into a new season, maybe it is time to “Spring Clean Our Lives” — to clear out thoughts and opinions that have frozen our perceptions of others.  We might move from being removed and distant to learning more about a loved one, a friend, a colleague... or even a stranger.  Releasing tense moments may lighten how we move forward.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to transform an icy relationship  — where we have learned to be careful with what we say — into new moments of discovery and awareness?  It would be like the Spring growth we see around us:  new life springing up from the soil of our lives.

Movement:  from cold and distant

As a child, I recall that Mom would coordinate the spring cleaning in our house.  It seemed easier and more fun when there were others sharing in the process of opening cupboards and closets, taking out clothes no longer worn, washing the walls, mopping and waxing the floors… and even planting new flowers outside.  There was a common purpose and goal: to create a better living space for our family; to bring us together as we helped one another.

Other times, friends would be visiting that evening.   Our perceptive young minds would associate the cleaning with their visit.   As we were vacuuming, mopping, and putting away toys strewn around the house, we would ask:  “Who’s coming over?”   Many times, Mom would say, “This is for us!  Don’t you want to live in a clean house?”

Movement:  from darkness to light

I have noticed that there are times when it is difficult to clear out certain aspects of my life.  When this happens, I have found that asking for help lightens the load.  A path becomes clearer when someone else listens and sorts out what I have tossed around.  Becoming aware of my inner resistance and talking about it with another person encourages me to change.  The movement from darkness to light invites a new perspective of what holds me back.  Sharing the burden lightens the load and allows me to move forward.

Dialogue allows me to see and understand different aspects of a situation.  In a way, we are creating a better space to live in… for us… together!

Questions to consider:

• What part of my life feels cluttered or over-stuffed with past hurts? 
• How might I release some of these memories? 
• In what ways can I unlock perceptions and conclusions that hold me back? 

Is it time to begin a clear out in your life?  Maybe today?  Need any help? 

Blessings to you!  May your burdens be lightened this week!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Transformation and Freedom: Noticing All Values through Dialogue

My mind continues to process events and images of the past several weeks:  school or officer shootings; strikes, walk-outs, demonstrations, and marches; diplomats expelled; missile tests... an overwhelming flow of stories, words, and competing values churning around us.

Like the ocean tides and shorelines, our lives are awash in stories, conflicts, opposing thoughts... and endless media coverage!  As a society, we are in constant motion... and, over time, we change and reveal who we are.  Just look at where you were and what you believed 5, 10, or 15 years ago!  Are you the same today?

Hidden among this week's stories:  Richard Phillips, a man wrongfully incarcerated for 45 years, is released from prison.  At 71 years old, more than half of his life has been behind bars -- locked up.  The difference in this story?  He is not bitter.  His lawyer describes Richard as "an incredibly warm and engaging person."  Richard views justice as a system of checks and balances... which takes time.

What values do you hold dear?

Another image:  during last week's March for Our Lives, a woman was holding a child and a sign, "Arms are for hugging."  A portrait of human contact, protection, and sharing an opinion.

Another story:  The words "Cold War" have resurfaced in this week's news.  Whether exploring global politics or individual relationships, I wonder... when have we left behind the "cold wars" in our lives?  That is, those times when our hearts and minds were... or have remained... bitter, hardened and frozen, not listening to or accepting another person or viewpoint.

Have you ever wondered what causes you to stay in relationship with some people but walk away from others?  As I reflected on this question, I was reminded of a saying spoken by my parents years ago:  "It takes two to tango *."

*  From the Cambridge Dictionary:  "Said when you want to emphasize that both people involved in a difficult situation must accept the blame, or that an activity needs two people who are willing to take part for it to happen."
 

When are you or your values frozen in place?

Moving forward from these images and stories:  recall times when you were not bitter... when you noticed an internal "checks and balance" where:

• I could agree with a loved one, friend or colleague... and
• I could disagree with that same person over an opinion, conclusion or value... and
• I stayed in relationship with that person.

Hold onto that moment.  Explore it.  What has changed: In you?  In that person? In the world we now live in?  Have the and's been replaced with but, I could not?

How do you demonstrate your concern, care, and love?

As we move further into Springtime and the holy seasons that many religions celebrate at this time of year, we are reminded of Transformation, moving from one way of life to another.  And, just maybe with this transformation, there is an invitation to reflect on how to move forward:

• What values are important to you?
• Do you know what values are important to me?
• How might we share our values with one another?
• Can we listen -- without judgment -- as we freely explore our unfolding gift of relationship?

And, ultimately, through questions and dialogue, are we willing to allow all values to be respected and accepted?

Maybe, like Richard, it is time to become warm and engaging people:

• Releasing ourselves from bitterness, fear, and anger;
• Unlocking ourselves from years of Self- and Other-Incarceration; and,
• Opening our arms to embrace.

Blessings, as we free one another from the prisons of our memories!  May we be willing to become warm and engaging people!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Enough is Enough: Now is the Time for Action... Let's Dialogue!

With recent school shootings, walkouts and the March for Our Lives rallies around the nation and world, I wondered how a dialogue-related theme could support the #Enough campaign.

I attended the San Diego march with thousands of others.  The student organizers and speakers balanced messages of grief, fear, and defiance with hope, resilience, and forward action.  How would someone with an opposing view hear these words?

Early in the rally, a lone counter-protester brazenly sliced through the huge crowd carrying both an American and a Trump flag.  He planted himself directly in front of the student speakers.  His actions could have been seen as intimidating and bullying.

Jeers and angry words from the crowd matched his shouts and denials.  The organizers quickly called for a peaceful response... and then, almost organically, several March-related flags and placards surrounded this lone protester... allowing him to stay in their midst but silencing the disrespect they perceived from him.  It helped that a few sheriffs stood nearby to protect everyone!

Enough is Enough:  An Opposing View Surrounded
(March for Our Lives San Diego)

We were witnessing elements of the First Amendment in action: the freedom of speech and the right  to assemble peacefully.

Challenges to consider with this amendment:

• How do you express freedom of speech when differing views are present?
• Can you maintain a peaceful assembly when opinions clash?
• Who are the people who sheriff and protect each person when we are vulnerable, creating safe places to engage in Self- and Other-exploration?

 

Enough is Enough:  Joining Together in Unity
(March for Our Lives San Diego)

As we marched, I marveled at the physical changes of the downtown skyline since moving to San Diego.  My thoughts turned to the changes in my own life -- progress in perceptions, emotions, and spirituality.  I wondered:

• Do I assemble only like-minded people around me to encourage me?
• Do I allow differing views to be present and expressed?
• Am I swayed by another person's thinking and passion?
• Have I changed my perspectives because of someone else?

The answer to all of these questions is 'Yes... I have tried."  I know that I have changed!  At times I journeyed with like-minded people who supported me.  I also needed people who challenged me to explore other routes along the way.  And, as I traveled to other cities, states and countries, my mind and heart expanded as I was touched by other cultures, creeds, and expressions of life.

Enough is Enough:  On A Journey of Discovery
(March for Our Lives San Diego)

As we declare our thoughts freely and assemble peacefully, we are invited to move beyond Either - Or thinking to an "Expression of Yes" -- that is, seeking Both - And statements of Truth, Respect, and Sacred Value.

David Hogg said it best in an interview after the Washington, D.C., March.  David is a Parkland student-survivor and -- unwillingly transformed by the shooting into -- a student-activist.  He said that we need to meet with people we do not know, people who are different from us.  The objective, he said, is not to choose people we agree with and not to argue with or sway them to our point of view.  Instead, our goal is to have a discussion, to listen to the diversity of thought.  He ended the interview by reminding us, "America is about diversity."  David exemplifies the wisdom of our youth!

Maybe the polarities we are experiencing are a new declaration -- no longer focused on our Independence and individuality.  Instead, our differing views are a Declaration of our Diversity... and our Interdependence.  The answers lie not in one side overwhelming the other.  Rather, the answers surface when we seek to honor each person's needs, wants, fears and aspirations.

Enough is Enough:  Same Word Used Differently
(March for our Lives San Diego)

As we enter this new week -- which for some people includes Spring Break, Holy Week, and Passover -- let us consider:

• Is there a way to listen nonviolently to opposing views?
• Can we ask questions when the same word or thought is used differently?
• How do we want to respond when our needs, wants and fears clash?

Peace to you as you march for the values in your lives... and at the same time, respectfully hold other people with sacred worth and value!


 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

From Autopilot to Moments of Awe

Self-driving cars... the wave of the future?  I would propose that this transportation style is already here!  Think about it:

• When was the last time you arrived home and couldn't remember portions of the drive?
• Have you noticed how often people focus on their smartphone while walking or driving?
• What about your last conversation with a friend or loved one: Can you recall what the other person said?  Or, is the last impression what you felt or thought? 

In many ways, we have become so preoccupied or distracted that we miss what is happening around us!  Sometimes I am on autopilot - that is, "doing something automatically, without self-awareness."  How about you?

Driver-less Days: being on autopilot
(Photo credit:  Totalcar Magazin, Hungary)

Did you see Ben Hines' photo of two-year old Parker Curry a few weeks ago?  Childlike wonder, gazing intently, being awestruck at Michelle Obama's portrait.  For me, this photo had its cuteness-factor, but it also surfaced a series of questions: 

• When was the last time I was so focused, in the present moment?
• Do I see you and experience you... as you are?  Or, do I focus on how I have experienced you (past) or how I want to see you (future)?
• Can I stand still, in wonder and amazement, at the gift before me?

In Awe:  experiencing childlike wonder
 (Photo credit: Ben Hines, North Carolina)

Recently, I watched the sun set behind the island of Lanai, Hawaii, and explode across the sky.  The light played off the ever-changing clouds, each moment more spectacular than the previous!  I stood in wonder, waiting for the next revelation to unfold.  As the daylight receded into evening, I felt awe-filled, inspired, complete.  I was present.

Grandeur Revealed:  waiting and anticipating
(Hawaiian sunset, Lanai, Hawaii)

I believe dialogue plays a similar role in our lives... if we open ourselves:

• To move from autopilot to a state of anticipation.
• To expect discovery, seeing a different viewpoint.
• To invite new insights to expand within.

This week, may we notice when we are on self-pilot, and gently move to a state of awareness.  May we seek moments of awe and inspiration.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Learning to Balance: Perceptions and Reality

A number of years ago, a friend and I were walking along the Mid-Atlantic Rift in Iceland.  Where the separation between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates is small, it is possible to stand on two continents at the same time.  Once the rift widens far enough, it is impossible to straddle the abyss without a bridge or other artificial means.  An adventuresous individual could jump from one plate to the other.  But, normally, a person cannot be fully present in both locations at one time when the gap is too wide.

There are times in our lives when rifts occur between well-meaning individuals.  As differences begin to surface, it is possible to overlook misunderstandings.  But as the situation expands, we might find ourselves separated by a chasm that continues to widen.

Rifts Occur:  When Perceptions and Reality Collide

(Click to read about:  Mid-Atlantic Ridge, Iceland)

Last weekend we happened upon a "busker festival" -- street performers sharing their skills and talents to locals and tourists.  One individual from Hawaii presented progressively harder routines, culminating in a balancing act on top of a rickety perch supported by four volunteers holding ropes to steady the perch and the performer.

As she set-up the final movements, she instructed the volunteers where to stand, how to hold the ropes, when to provide tension and when to relax.  Her success depended on them.

As I watched, I reflected on the trust she had not only in her skills, her abilities, and the hours practicing the routine, but her trust in the variables of who she picked from the assembled crowd and the instructions she gave.

All of us were drawn into the performance:  all of us seemed to hope for a successful outcome!

Being Successful on the High Wire:  Cheered on by Others

(Click to read: Busker Festival 2018, Seaport Village, San Diego)

Last week's blog, What is Heard:  A Journey of Understanding (click on link to read), alluded to a rift that had occurred with a work colleague.  I went into this week not knowing whether the rift would widen or get resolved.  There was a possibility we could move on to other projects without addressing the rift.

Talking with our supervisor individually, we were reminded that we were both good, talented, and well-intentioned individuals.  Later, the two of us talked... and listened:

• Could we release misunderstandings, perceptions, and feelings of being-wronged?
• What did we want... for ourselves and from the other?
• Were we willing to move beyond the rift? 

I noticed that when my body tensed and my mind prepared to refute what was being said, my heart was saying, "These are his perceptions; they are true to him."  

A rift can be lessened once the tensions are addressed and released.  Balance can occur when we take the rocks that have been hurled and caught, gently laying them down on a platform that reaches across the pointed confrontations that have separated us.

Balance is Possible:
Taking the Rocks as They Come

This week, let us consider:

• Where have I felt balanced and had the ability to span the rift in my relationships?
• When have I felt wronged or slighted by a loved one, friend, or colleague?
• How might I listen to my body, mind, and heart... balancing my perceptions and understandings with the truth I hear from the other person?

May this week allow bridges to be built across those rifts and chasms in our lives!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)