Journey or Destination?

Anniversaries are special:  celebrating memories and milestones; picturing who we were then and are now; recalling the ups and downs of the journey that got us where we are today.  Anniversaries are events in and of themselves: one point along the Journey Forward.

When Holland America announced its 150th anniversary, I wanted to be on that celebratory voyage:  a trip from Rotterdam to New York City, duplicating the original Atlantic crossing in 1872, bringing European immigrants to the New World.

A Journey of Hopes and Dreams!

How often do you wait to begin?
(Photo: KLM airline video display of route
from Los Angeles to Amsterdam - Larry Gardepie)

Sitting on that airplane in Los Angeles, I saw the monitor that said "Destination: Amsterdam."  I had already survived the perpetual traffic jam around LAX, the long lines to check in and go through security, walking under the taxiways to get to the extension terminal of Tom Bradley International... I was already tired!

Here I was on the plane, but the destination seemed so far away!

 

Do we notice the gulf that separates journey and destination?
(Photo: KLM airline video display of route
from Los Angeles to Amsterdam - Larry Gardepie)

 
My 12-hour flight to Amsterdam could not compare to that original multi-day trip to the New World in 1872, but I wondered about the impatience or fatigue that sets in as we journey towards our destinations.  What keeps us going?  What helps us to survive?

 Once in Amsterdam, we found transport to Rotterdam and then waited a day to board our vessel home.  One Destination Arrived became another departure point:  I had arrived, but the journey was set to begin again.

When have you arrived... only to find out
it is time to leave?
(Photo: Hotel New York staircase - original home
offices of Holland Amerika Lijn - Larry Gardepie)

I wonder if our movement through life is not about arriving.  Rather, maybe life is about Being Present to where we are now and the direction of our searching.  It is the blending together of Both-And... Journey and Destination and Journey and Destination...  Always-and-Never-Arriving!

In a sense, dialogue is like this:  we think we know someone, but then they do something unexpected.  That is, with assumptions and judgments, we may incorrectly conclude that we know this person and what they will do or say.  When we ask questions and allow curiosity to take over, we are constantly surprised and continue to learn about that person.  Destination reveals itself in Journey, and Journey focuses on the Destination.

What journey are you on now?  Have you shared your hopes and dreams with others?
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Stepping Stones to Understanding

Working with a local non-profit, I have been asked to develop a process to address the systemic changes and restructuring they are experiencing.  The CEO mentioned several times that he wanted Stepping Stones to show what might be done at various stages of their reorganization.  Familiar with my dialogue studies of the past seven years, I am aware that any change brings about low awareness.

Just think about changes you have experienced.  There were probably periods of uncertainty and  doubt.  There may have been times when people blamed others.  Not understanding what was happening, We begin to talk about They... the Others causing the problems or asking us to change.  We may have become reactive, mistrusted other people's motives, and became self-absorbed.

What is the first step we could have taken?

What steps do you take to understand change?

The first step for me is Noticing: the act of perceiving, becoming aware, and paying attention.

Noticing creates a Pause that allows questions to surface about the calm or turbulent moments in my life:

• What am I afraid of in this moment?
• Am I open to learning something new about myself and others?
• Am I willing to listen in order to understand?
• Who has information that needs to be shared?

How do you stay focused when journeying
between calm and turbulent times in your life?

 

It seems that Willingness is a key step for me: the inclination or readiness to  do something.  Noticing-Pausing-Willingness are tied together, beginning a journey across the divide that separates me from others.

 

If you've ever crossed a river using the stones scattered across its surface, you sometimes slip or fall into the river.  You learn that some steps are wobbly and need to be approached with caution; other stones are more stable and are easier to use.  Our stepping stones to understanding are similar: as we become more aware, we notice which steps we don't feel comfortable with -- possibly because we haven't practiced that skill or the situation is new to us.

 

The next steps we need to take?

How might you cross the waters
that divide?

When I am uncomfortable with my skill set, I have learned two other steps:  naming the fact that I Need Help and Asking for Help.  These are two very vulnerable and humbling steps!  By recognizing that I Don't Have All the Answers (another step), I find myself more open to Listening and Learning.

 

The project I am working on for the non-profit CEO, defining the stepping stones to change, seems similar to the stepping stones of understanding:

Open to Listening and Learning

I Don't Have All the Answers

Asking for Help

I Need Help

Willingness

Pausing

Noticing

 

What steps help you to understand?

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

This Too Shall Pass

Have you ever had a week where each day is moving toward an activity or event you are not cherishing?  A medical procedure or treatment.  A quiz or exam at school.  A report or presentation where you are nervous and uncertain of the outcome.  An uncomfortable conversation that needs to occur.

Time steadily marches forward as anxiety, fear or dread overshadows every moment.  The primary focus is on what will happen... what will go wrong.  Eventually, we may move towards acceptance... "This too shall pass."

It is as if our mind, body, heart, and soul are struggling for dominance... the human spirit trying to understand and Hope Beyond.

What do you see coming at you?
(Photo: Caldor Fire, California)

Last month my brother and his family had to evacuate their home for several weeks because of the Caldor Fire.  Friends and loved ones took them in, giving shelter and comfort during an unsettling time.  For days, the only connection to the "physical home" were the security cameras that tracked the fire's progress and the efforts of first responders and neighbors who protected the neighborhood.  Home truly did become "where the Heart is" as security and support surrounded them.

Several years ago I was on a tour of Iceland.  Our group walked through the rift between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates.  It was humbling to walk between two walls of the Earth's crust that had been thrust upward from the destructive energy of clashing plates.  There was comfort in walking through this divide... as a group. 

Who walks with you through the rifts in your life?
(Photo:  Thingvellir National Park, Iceland)

The ability to walk together through dreaded life events may be the important lesson of this time period.  We don't have to journey alone.  Sharing our fears, listening to and comforting others, becoming Vulnerably Human... these may be the dialogue skills that allow our mind, body, heart, and soul to heal.

I relearned this lesson first-hand these past several weeks as I decided to retire and was dreading an upcoming event.  Uncertainty, fear, projected outcomes, and anxiety keep me awake at night and preoccupied my days.  Talking to a friend... and allowing that friend to reach out and walk these journeys refocused what was important.

How can you see beyond?
(Photo: Ocean Scene, Inside Passage, Alaska)

To be honest, it is sometimes difficult to be honest... with myself!  Why do I dread confrontation?  Why do I become nervous with the unknown?  Why do I put off the inevitable?

Reflecting on past events that seemed so negative and dominated me for days and weeks, each turned out better than I expected!  When will I learn that these moments bring growth and a wider perspective?  When will I learn that "This too shall pass" -- and enjoy the journey and surprise at the end?

The rift between mind, body, heart, and soul oftentimes requires the energy of togetherness to realign us:  the ability to see beyond the current moment, seeking comfort and security together, and moving toward the Inevitable Goodness that pervades life!

 
May the challenges of this week lessen as you share your concerns with others.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Paths Untraveled

Do we realize that we are different people because of this past year?  We have been changed: in how we see ourselves, how we interact, and what we want from life.  Normal is no longer normal: it has become elusive.

I have spent some of these last 14 months cleaning out closets and boxes in the garage.  Years of personal history and forgotten memories have surfaced as today's light shines into boxes reopened, boxes with Past Treasures Saved.

What opportunities have you had in life?

Questions have emerged during this Clearing Out and Life Review -- questions spawned from curiosity, not regret.  For instance, I wonder if there are:

• Conversations not explored? 
• Questions not asked?
• Assumptions not checked out? 
• Memories not remembered?

What would life have been like if I had:

• Remained a second grade teacher or a youth minister?
• Been ordained and followed a ministerial path?
• Stayed in Human Resources or at the university where I worked for over 23 years?
• Moved into full-time consulting and mentoring?
  

 

Do you sometimes go against the flow?

I feel no regrets on the path I have chosen.  I have been blessed beyond measure with work opportunities and challenges, new skills learned and tested, and relationships where love and caring have been shared.  Life's Journey is ongoing: making decisions, reflecting, choosing new adventures and growth... moving along, aging... and hopefully, becoming wiser.

 

I guess that is what I am most surprised at in today's news-filled:  people wanting to get back to the life they had; politicians blocking exploration of solutions for today's needs; and a desire to Go It Alone... as if any of us have all the answers!

How often do you stop and reflect on your journey?

The questions and curiosity I am noticing is about what I have learned about myself, others, and the World Unexplored.  What more can be learned?  I am ever-changing, and so are you!  This is the reason why curiosity is so important:  I thought I knew you... but we have changed!

 

The journey isn't about arriving.  Instead, upon reflection, I am aware of the choices made, paths traveled... AND... what could have been when choices and paths are left untraveled.

 

Not regret or loss, just reflections on blessings received, shared, and unopened.

 

 

May Boxes Unopened surprise you this week with time to reflect... and wonder.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)