Rebuilding Who We Are

How far back do you know about your family tree?  Do you recall stories told by your parents and grandparents... and great grandparents?

When my parents moved our family from Iowa to California, the nearest relatives to our town were in the San Francisco Bay Area and Arizona.  We did what we could to stay in touch: expensive long-distance phone calls on birthdays and major holidays; periodic vacations to Iowa; and a weekend trip to visit our closest aunts and uncles.

As a child, the calls seemed too short and the trips were too long!

Who are you connected with?
(Photo: Family Tree - Larry Gardepie)

Though Family Connection was important, our church, school, and neighborhood communities were just as important!  Knowing that people could rely on you -- and that you could rely on them -- were social building blocks that provided stability and safety.

Recently, people down the street moved, the house was sold, and the new owners began removing the roof, walls, and landscaping.  Over time new foundations have been laid and the rebuilding process has begun.  We don't know their final plans.  Rather, we must wait and see what is revealed.

What social supports have you built?
(Photo: Renovation Project - Larry Gardepie)

Life provides many opportunities for us to get to know others, form friendships, and create a Chosen Family.  And, there are times when people leave us -- growing up, moving away, and passing on.  We must be ready to say good-bye and slowly rebuild.

For me, it's the waiting that is difficult:  waiting my turn among six children to talk to Grandma and Grandpa; asking "Are we there yet?" on the 3-day road trips to Iowa; holding back judgment when anticipating the neighbor's plans.

How do others see you?
(Photo: House in Coronado, California - Larry Gardepie

I want the connections to be fast, perfect, and permanent... and if I am honest, unchanging!  But, that may not be real!

This week, as I walk by the House-Being-Rebuilt, I will ponder how to practice patience in my connections... allowing friendships and foundations to settle... before I consider Who We Are and Who We Are Becoming. 

Please join me on this rebuilding project!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Crinkle Crankle Dialogue

My older brother and I would challenge one another to climb onto the flat portion of the fence surrounding our backyard.  The top ledge allowed us to "tightrope walk" around the property, racing to see who could go the furthest without falling.  Distractions from barking dogs, neighbors watching, and cautiously walking past the untamed gully and thorny cactii helped us focus our attention on the goal.

These memories surfaced recently when Carole, a high school friend, sent me a picture of a British "crinkle crankle" wall.  How interesting to have a wall that zig-zags through the countryside!  Wouldn't it be fun to walk atop this wall -- being able to see views in various directions rather than straight ahead?

What expectations do you have
of your relationships?
(Photo credit:  15 Photos of British "Crinkle Crankle Walls, deMilked)

Reading what Carole sent me and other sources, I discovered that wavy walls actually use less bricks than straight walls.  The English "crinkle crankle" wall is one brick thick and is supported by the curving design.  Straight walls would topple over if they were built one brick thick!

Straight walls need strong foundations (multiple bricks thick) and vertical posts or buttresses every few yards to reinforce the wall.  Thus, more bricks or other materials are needed.

How do you encounter the daily ups
and downs of life?
(Photo credit:  Right on the Head, Gary Mahler)

Once introduced to this zig-zag design, I reflected on the rhythm of life... and how Choices Made alter the direction we take:

• Ocean waves that rise and fall with the tides.
• Relationships that ebb and flow between intimacy and distance.
• Conversations that are misunderstood and clarified.

Choices that allow us to move forward... straight and direct... or roaming and indirect.  Choices of discovery.

Do you test Truths and Lies?  How?
(Quote credit:  Unknown)

I am amazed at how my life has unfolded: though I had interests that caught my attention and a career path that changed over time, I oftentimes took branches in the road that I wasn't expecting.  Maneuvering the zig-zag discovery of life's treasures meant that I needed to share my thoughts and feelings with others... or they might get lost with my meandering way!

 

This Dialogue of Sharing opens doors to common beliefs, discussions of differences, and decisions on whether to maintain friendships.  What I discovered is that the foundations of both the Straight and Narrow and the Crickle-Crankle must be strong:

• Putting extra work into the discussion of Truths and Lies Encountered;
• Allowing a quality of exploration and learning;
  
• Accepting views and distractions along the way.
  

I wonder what it would have been like for my brother and me if our family's backyard was surrounded by a wavy wall?  Would we have seen a different view of our neighbors, heard new sounds, or been as cautious moving past dangerous points along the way?  I wonder.

May we be challenged to explore the straight and crickle-crankle paths ahead.  May we learn to separate the Truths and Lies encountered along the way.  May we be willing to share what we have learned.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)