Practice: Condition Arrived at by Experience or Exercise

Have you ever picked up a self-help book, skimmed through it, thought the ideas were wonderful... and then went on with your life, nothing changed?  Or, have you ever thought you could alter an undesirable behavior... NOW?  If you answered "Yes" to either of these questions, thank you for your honesty!

There have been many times when I have wanted to change aspects of my behavior or thought processes... IMMEDIATELY... without any hard work or practice!  Usually, I don't succeed in changing!  I am amazed at my naiveté (or, maybe it's should be called stubbornness!) when I come against the truth that practice is needed to change or improve!

Repetition can bring about great beauty!

The "skills for dialogue" proposed by Chris Argyris and his colleagues invite repetition and practice in order to become competent in these skills.  It isn't a matter of reading or memorizing the skills.  Instead, to seek and to understand how the skills move us toward a nondefended way of being, it is important to notice how we resist learning, change, and our professed outcomes. 

After all, we are not meant to be cast in concrete, unchanging but with the weathering of time.  We are living beings who impact and alter one another.  Whether our beliefs are influenced by culture, religion, politics, family, personal values or a myriad of other aspects of this complex world, practicing the dialogue skills opens us to how another person thinks and feels.

We are not meant to be cast in stone...

As I explore the dialogue skills, I am learning that the word PRACTICE is key to my learning process.  At times the path is challenging; at other times, the discovery is exciting and fun!  But I have noticed that when we work and practice together, I learn so much more!  I am encouraged to practice because of you! 

We are living and breathing beings seeking connection!

Recently, I went to the San Diego Zoo with another dialogue practitioner.  We were catching up on our lives, talking about our struggles to learn, understand, and live out our dialogue lessons.  When we came upon the flamingos standing on one leg, necks folded and contorted around their bodies, I wondered how much comes natural to them and how much is learned.  Do we as humans make our world more complicated than it needs to be?
 

As we move into the next few weeks, maybe we can encourage one another to focus and practice one of the seven Dialogue Skills each day.  A suggested plan could be:

Mondays:  Combine advocacy and inquiry.
Tuesdays:  Illustrate your abstract interpretations with concrete information.
Wednesdays:  Share your thought process; check for agreement at each "ladder of inference."
Thursdays:  Look for contradicting data and alternative explanations.
Fridays:  Support making mistakes in the service of learning.
Saturdays:  Notice your impact on a situation.
Sundays:  Experiment to test different views.

Even with this proposed game plan, I am not suggesting that dialogue is a formula.  Rather, the focus is on discipline, setting practice goals to begin the integration of these thoughts and skills into our daily structure.  With time and practice, flowing between the skills will become more natural.  We are working towards awareness and compassion - for ourselves and others.  We are practicing for a new familiarity, not perfection.

Happy practicing! 

Larry Gardepie