Tug of War: Is It Time to Let Go of the Rope?

At many of the picnics I attended as a child, the adults and children would create teams to determine who was the strongest and fastest.  One of the games we played was Tug-of-War (TOW), each group trying to pull the opposing team across a marker on the ground. 

Tug of War: a challenge of strength

I often reflect on these games when encountering other people.  I wonder if we hold onto these games and are still playing or seeking the same results: Who is stronger?  Who is better?  Who is right?  Don't cross this line!  This dualistic and combative way of seeing the world is no longer a picnic game.  In fact, it leads to conclusions that one of us is weaker, not as good, or is wrong.

The dialogue skills reviewed over the last several week's invite us to let go of the TOW rope.  Instead of towing - or dragging - another person to our side or view, these skills allow us to listen with both heart and mind to another person.

(The first six Dialogue Skills may be found in the April 4 - May 8 postings. Click here to return to the first skill, and review the subsequent posts.)

Do we experience a Tug-of-War between Heart and Mind?

A seventh dialogue skill proposed by Chris Argyris and his colleagues is: Experiment to test different views.  Instead of a rope pulled between opposing views, what would it be like if the rope was rolled into a ball, or if it was entangled?  Instead of a straight line that invites a start and an end or a competition,  an entangled ball may provide us an opportunity to unravel and discover.

Maybe our differences are entangled...

The ability to untangle our different ideas and views provides a freedom to observe, identify and unleash outcomes unimagined in a binary-focused world.  Together, we are searching for a Pattern of Truth.

and maybe, instead of tugging, we experiment together!

If you remember Spirograph (1965), a geometric drawing toy enjoyed by countless children and adults, beautiful designs were created by experimenting with simple instruments of colored pens, tooth-edged circles and oblongs, imagination and patience.

Adopting an attitude that cherishes entanglement -- and accepting the invitation to unravel and discover the unknown about ourself and others will draw forth fascinating new results: dialogue patterns of awareness, compassion, interdependence, and creative freedom.  We become interconnected with no start and no end, a continuity of new designs.

Can we seek beauty in the entanglements?

As we move through this new week, let us summon the courage to drop the TOW ropes and gently experiment and test different views.

Let the new dialogue patterns emerge!

Larry Gardepie