Boo-Boos: Having Fun and Learning from Our Mistakes

What do you think of when you hear the word, MISTAKE?  Or what was it like for you if school assignments or exams were returned with red ink all over?  Is there an image or a story that comes to mind of a past error made at work, with friends, or in public?

One story that I recall is when an employee I supervised in a higher education environment (higher ed = learning) made an error on one paycheck, overpaying one law school professor who had an atypical sabbatical.  We caught the error, notified the person, and came to an arrangement with the employee on how to pay back the overage.  Afterwards, I was called into the provost's office to explain what happened.  I reviewed the situation, the unusual circumstances, and how safeguards were set up not to make that error in the future.  The provost emphasized that my employees could not make mistakes.  I responded by noting the HR-Payroll process safeguards and that this error would not occur again.  The VP's final statement: "you will not make a mistake again."

We had reached an impasse!  I had been raised knowing that mistakes occurred, to be honest and own them, and to learn from them.  But after this conversation, I wondered what would happen next time a mistake would occur?

Some mistakes cannot be hidden

I don't know about you, but as a young child, I recall crying at my "boo-boos," and oftentimes my parents would console me and try to get me to laugh.  What has happened since then?  Have the "boo-boos" become much more serious and life-threatening?  Or have we learned to "not make any mistakes" -- or to hide them?

Maybe it is time to notice how we outwardly -- or inwardly -- flinch when a mistake occurs.  What have we brought forward?  How do we currently look at these situations?  Where can we let go -- and learn?

Let us consider a few definitions:

• Take: to get into one's hold or possession; to grip
• Mis-take: an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong; a misunderstanding
  (synonyms: error, omission, misconception, blooper, boo-boo)
• Re-take: to take back; to capture

A fifth dialogue skill that Chris Argyris proposes is Support making mistakes in the service of learning.  (The first four Dialogue Skills may be found in April's blog postings. Click here to return to the first skill, and review the subsequent posts.)  It seems that in order to tie together the concepts of supporting and learning, it is important to reflect on the depth by which mistakes are defined.

Think Titanic: we must see what is hidden below the surface

To uncover the Hidden-Within, ponder the following questions:

• What tapes or stories define how you respond to or learn from mistakes?
• How deep do these stories influence your psyche? 
• Do these tapes keep you from exploring new opportunities for learning?

Sometimes good plans and intentions go awry

The Panama Canal story spans the late 1800s to the present day.  It is a story of learning from and improving on the hardships, misjudgments and lessons from French, American, and Panamanian endeavors.  From catastrophe and bankruptcy rose the indomitable human spirit to learn and succeed.

Survival requires that we learn from our mistakes (Click, The Martian)

Many recent movies portray this spirit of discovery, renewal, and progress.  Released last fall, The Martian is a minute-by-minute cliffhanger about an astronaut mistakenly abandoned on Mars.  We see Mark Watney struggle to survive on an inhospitable planet.  It is the coming together of Mark, the Hermes spacecraft crew, NASA and JPL teams, American and Chinese relations, and people throughout the world that characterized how learning from mistakes draws us together and expands our horizons.

Learning draws us together (Click, MacFarland, USA)

And in the Disney movie, MacFarland, USA, Coach Jim White and his 1987 cross country team learn what it is like in a world -- our world -- that is inhospitable to the marginalized.  Coach White did make mistakes along the way, but he learned by working in the fields with his students and eating with their families that the world he and his students experience is not the same.  Eventually, his team became his family, and his family adopted his team.

As mentioned last week: dialogue is about paradox.  When we make mistakes at work or with loved ones, there may be a perception that we are weak.  This weakness, though, is when we focus only on the mistake and our story, what is visible to ourselves or others.  Being human and learning from our mistakes draws on the depth of character that is solid and strong.  Let us celebrate both the mistake and the lesson!

Have fun this week by watching the MacFarland USA music video, Juntos (Together), (click on link).  Re-take the wonder of discovery, recapturing and taking control of the blunder or "boo-boo" that was experienced, and looking for and supporting the lessons we are able to learn... juntos!

Larry Gardepie