It is fitting to celebrate Betty White on her 100th birthday (January 17). Her life's work is on display through TV reruns, YouTube recordings, books, and charity work. People marvel at her longevity -- age, a career spanning 8 decades, and her positive focus on life. In If You Ask Me, she describes how her comedic timing developed:
"I'd be sitting there as a kid, wanting to add to the conversation, wanting to jump right in with an idea, but if I blurted something out it might ruin the moment. It taught me a lot about the power of waiting."
Several images came to mind when I read this:
- Standing around a Vancouver's Gastown steam clock waiting for something to happen
- Sitting in the hospital during a loved one's surgery
- Listening to a friend's recent challenges
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| Are you willing to wait? (Photo: Gastown Steam Clock, Vancouver - Larry Gardepie) |
I also thought back on the dialogue, mentoring, and mediation trainings I have participated in. Each focused on the importance of listening... and waiting for a question to arise. Through these trainings I realized how I am conditioned to give my perspective: I am impatiently waiting for you to finish talking so that I can tell you about me!
The power of waiting allows us to slow down our responses, consider what we have heard, and allow a different interaction to occur:
- What did you mean by...?
- Tell me more.
- Help me to understand.
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| What is your perspective on...? (Photo: San Francisco Mission District Murals - Larry Gardepie) |
Waiting does not mean that we are disengaged. It doesn't mean that we agree with another person's conclusions or decisions. Rather, our role is to listen for connection and understanding; our responsibility is to respect and accept the similarities and differences. We try to understand the conclusions and decisions by checking out the reasoning or experiences that influenced those endpoints.
The process of waiting gives us time to connect within ourselves as well:
- Why am I reacting so strongly to what is being said?
- Am I being challenged to reconsider my own values and experiences?
- What does this say about me -- in relationship with the person who is speaking?
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| What risks are you willing to take? (Photo: Cliff Walk, Capilano Suspension Bridge Park, Vancouver - Larry Gardepie) |
Waiting is like crossing a bridge, taking a risk that something important is on the other side. It means setting aside the comfort attached to our own thoughts and conclusions and inviting curiosity: What divides us? What can bring us together? How can we learn to trust again?
Like Betty, may we learn the power of waiting, and may we take the risk to see the world through lenses of humor, caring, and love.
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