Back to Standard

Yes, it's that time of year again:  we fall back in the Fall and spring forward in the Spring to accommodate the sunlight at key times in our calendar year.

From what I have read, the concept in America was first proposed by Benjamin Franklin as a way to align waking hours to daylight hours and thus conserve on candles during the summer months.  It wasn't institutionalized, though, until 1918 during World War I -- and again in World War II -- to conserve on energy during summer months.  This helped the war effort.  Finally, in 1966, the Uniform Time Act standardized DST in America.

Are you ready to standardize?
(Photo credit:  Daylight Savings Time End, Getty Images)

Every Fall and Spring a discussion -- or argument -- arises about continuing this practice.  People talk about the disruption it causes in sleep patterns, confusion with work schedules, and the fact that we are no longer an agrarian society.

A few side notes to consider:

• A common myth is that Daylight Savings Time was created to help farmers.  In truth the farmers have been against this practice from the beginning.
• Ancient civilizations adjusted to daylight hours more flexibly that we do now.
  

Like most traditions and practices there may be misunderstandings on their origins or their value in our current world.

Which raises a few questions:  What have we been taught?  What do we know for certain?  What do we assume or believe as fact?

What standards or guidelines are important to you?
(Photo credit:  World Standards Day 2019, Aristotle Metadata)

As we adjust our clocks and check our smoke detectors, maybe we could also step back and notice our reactions -- positive and negative -- to rules, regulations, guidelines, and standards.

• Do we consider each of these restrictive or limiting?  Why?
  
• Have we had bad experiences with boundaries?  When?  What happened?
  
• Are we selective in which ones we follow (e.g., we use our seat belts but drive above the speed limit)?

When I was young, I heard my parents' and teachers' admonitions as unbending truths.  As I grew older and encountered situations that no longer fit these exact rules, I needed to develop critical judgment -- maybe even wisdom? -- to read a situation and decide what was best.

What creates safety for you and others?
(Photo credit:  Backyard Sandbox, This Is Why I Am Broke)

Now I see standards as starting points for our society to function and understand one another:  that is, rules and regulations serve as boundaries to keep us safe as we play in the Sandbox of Possibilities.

 

If we decide to go beyond socially accepted norms:

• Can we remain safe enough to stay alive?
• Will we hurt anyone else?
• How do we explain our decisions?
  

In essence, rules, regulations, and guidelines create predictability... in a world that sometimes is not.  Understanding the standard (how it came about; why it is in place) is as important as our need to change it.

 

As we fall back and spring forward, let's consider this movement of resetting ourselves... to fall back and listen before we spring forward into action.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Pools, Oceans, and Marco Polo: What Contains Us?

As the pandemic began last year, our neighbor stopped by to tell us "as a good neighbor" that they would be installing a backyard pool... next to our adjoining property line.  The months of construction and disruptions didn't bother us.  Instead, we were concerned about the pool parties and noise that would follow, breaking the serene atmosphere of our neighborhood.

Trying to stay calm and practice our dialogue skills, we asked how the neighbor would want us to respond when the noise became unreasonable.  Instead of discussing a good neighborly course of action, our question was met with another question, "What... you don't like Marco Polo?"

Was the question a challenge?  A rebuke?  A defended response?  We didn't know how to respond.  Were we being petty?

What boundaries limit you?
(Photo credit:  Swimming Pool, Wikipedia)

Now that the pool is finished, the weather is improving, and the pool gatherings have begun, we are still wondering what to do.  A major investment has been made by our neighbor.  How do we balance that with the 30+ years invested in our own home?

I have been mulling over this experience for several months now:

• When do my wants and needs outweigh those of family, friends, and colleagues?
  
• How do we balance individual desires when we live in a community?
  
• What does "being a good neighbor" really mean?

 

What happens when you are drained?
(Neptune Pool, Hearst Castle)

  

My SCRs ("socially constructed realities") about individual and societal boundaries are being called into question.  For instance, the phrase "My home is my castle" expresses our desire for shelter and safety, a refuge to solve what is under our control.  But, medieval castles used to be far apart with vast lands to buffer the occupants from the outside world.

 

Now that our modern castle-homes are feet part -- within short walking distances, I wonder what stops us from having a "good neighborly" chat?

Can the pandemic be blamed?  For a period of time we have been confined, unable to move around freely and explore the world and its oceans of experiences.

Are there ways to explore beyond our limitations?

COVID is not to blame.  When we venture beyond our castle-homes and those pools of safety we have created, we still seek security.  For example, when swimming in the ocean, we stay close to shore.  If we venture farther out, we make sure that life guards, life vests or life rafts are available.  We seek safety, shelter, and comfort.

 

Maybe it's the danger we perceive and the security we desire.  Maybe we need to stretch our boundaries to see anew.  Maybe our "good neighborly" advice needs to be sprinkled with sharing information, asking for another view, and listening.

 

Returning to my neighbor's question from last year, the issue may not be whether we like or dislike the game Marco Polo.  Rather, like Marco Polo, maybe we are asked to give clues on where we are so that the other person can find us.

May we consider this week what it means to be an individual in community.  May we honestly explore our self-imposed boundaries and limitations.  May we go beyond our personal safety to provide life-saving devices to our neighbors in need.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Boundaries or Boxes

Have you ever felt uncomfortable with a supervisor, coworker, or friend?  Maybe they crossed the line on a topic or position important to you.  Maybe confidences were shared or gossip exchanged.

In a recent conversation, someone mentioned that her boss had crossed some boundaries.  Listening to her describe the situation, I asked what the boundaries were and if the boss was aware of these boundaries.

This conversation allowed me to reflect on my own experiences:

• What boundaries have I created?
• What do I do when someone crosses my line in the sand?
  

What boundaries have you set?
(Photo credit:  Getty Images)

After more questions and exploration, we discovered that this person becomes triggered when the boss uses words like "You are..." or "When you do..."  We soon realized that boundaries weren't necessarily being crossed.  It was a matter that labels were defining her:  she was feeling boxed in by another person's definition of her.

Growth is limited when a person feels boxed in: labels and definitions restrict discovery and learning.

Are you boxed in by others?
(Photo credit:  Stacking 18 People in
Boxes for a Family Photo, Scavenger Chic)

 Questions for each of us to ponder:

• Are we aware of the boxes that limit us?
  
• How do we break out of the boxes others have placed us in... or that we create for ourselves?

When do you feel boxed in?
(Photo credit:  Boxes are People Too, That Cute Site)

I am learning through my dialogue practice that:

• Slowing down and noticing are keys to discovery.
• Sharing our experiences and listening to others are keys to connection.
• Holding lightly what we have noticed and have shared is a key to nonviolence.
  

 

Unlocking the limitations that box us in -- the boundaries that define and sometimes restrict us -- is critical to live Lives Unbounded by the human bondage we all endure.

May this week allow us to see beyond the boundaries and boxes that diminish our human potential:  may we use the keys that are in our possession and may we unlock the divisions we have created!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)