Pools, Oceans, and Marco Polo: What Contains Us?

As the pandemic began last year, our neighbor stopped by to tell us "as a good neighbor" that they would be installing a backyard pool... next to our adjoining property line.  The months of construction and disruptions didn't bother us.  Instead, we were concerned about the pool parties and noise that would follow, breaking the serene atmosphere of our neighborhood.

Trying to stay calm and practice our dialogue skills, we asked how the neighbor would want us to respond when the noise became unreasonable.  Instead of discussing a good neighborly course of action, our question was met with another question, "What... you don't like Marco Polo?"

Was the question a challenge?  A rebuke?  A defended response?  We didn't know how to respond.  Were we being petty?

What boundaries limit you?
(Photo credit:  Swimming Pool, Wikipedia)

Now that the pool is finished, the weather is improving, and the pool gatherings have begun, we are still wondering what to do.  A major investment has been made by our neighbor.  How do we balance that with the 30+ years invested in our own home?

I have been mulling over this experience for several months now:

• When do my wants and needs outweigh those of family, friends, and colleagues?
  
• How do we balance individual desires when we live in a community?
  
• What does "being a good neighbor" really mean?

 

What happens when you are drained?
(Neptune Pool, Hearst Castle)

  

My SCRs ("socially constructed realities") about individual and societal boundaries are being called into question.  For instance, the phrase "My home is my castle" expresses our desire for shelter and safety, a refuge to solve what is under our control.  But, medieval castles used to be far apart with vast lands to buffer the occupants from the outside world.

 

Now that our modern castle-homes are feet part -- within short walking distances, I wonder what stops us from having a "good neighborly" chat?

Can the pandemic be blamed?  For a period of time we have been confined, unable to move around freely and explore the world and its oceans of experiences.

Are there ways to explore beyond our limitations?

COVID is not to blame.  When we venture beyond our castle-homes and those pools of safety we have created, we still seek security.  For example, when swimming in the ocean, we stay close to shore.  If we venture farther out, we make sure that life guards, life vests or life rafts are available.  We seek safety, shelter, and comfort.

 

Maybe it's the danger we perceive and the security we desire.  Maybe we need to stretch our boundaries to see anew.  Maybe our "good neighborly" advice needs to be sprinkled with sharing information, asking for another view, and listening.

 

Returning to my neighbor's question from last year, the issue may not be whether we like or dislike the game Marco Polo.  Rather, like Marco Polo, maybe we are asked to give clues on where we are so that the other person can find us.

May we consider this week what it means to be an individual in community.  May we honestly explore our self-imposed boundaries and limitations.  May we go beyond our personal safety to provide life-saving devices to our neighbors in need.
 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)