Dinner, Death and Dialogue

"Now, how did you get there?" a friend sometimes asks me as we talk.  We might start on one topic and suddenly I'll be talking about something not outwardly connected!  Let me give an example.

My mind was preoccupied with the Wolf Moon throughout the day.  The local news had been talking it up for several days, but when that evening arrived, our city was covered with clouds and a possibility of rain.  I was thinking about not seeing the Wolf Moon as a friend and I had dinner at a Japanese restaurant.  My earlier reflections centered on an individual hope, a small moment in time to watch this one moon rise.

Then I noticed the Japanese lanterns, moon-like in their appearance, all shedding light on our outdoor dining area.  My mind refocused on the moment at hand: dinner with a friend; the ability to share our time together, shedding light on each other's thoughts and experiences.

When do you recognize another person's light?
(Photo:  Japanese Lanterns, Larry Gardepie)

Later that evening, June - a friend from North Carolina, sent a photo of the Wolf Moon illuminating the snow-covered landscape around her property.  We met June and Buz, her husband, on a tour several years ago.  Observing how they communicated, watched over, and took care of one another other, were sacred moments.  On our last evening together, June and Buz shared how their faith and love guided them.  June's comment about the photo was so true to her:  "Give God the credit for the night light."

Knowing that Buz had died recently, I wondered about the individual night lights that shine in our darkest moments.

Does your life reflect what is important?
(Photo:  Wolf Moon over snow-covered field,
June Buzzard, January 17 2022)

Recalling the days and months after my parents died, I recollected feelings of loss and separation, the thoughts left unshared, and the path ahead without them.  How do we see ourselves without the other?  Our love and faith are tested as we re-member, re-define, and re-connect with what is important: those night lights we nurtured when all was well.

Is that what is happening with the music group Il Divo right now?  Four talented individuals were brought together to combine their talents.  After entertaining millions of people for almost two decades, Carlos Marín unexpectedly died of COVID last month.  Are they still Il Divo without Carlos?

What happens when someone leaves you?
(Photo credit:  Il Divo, The Promise)

I can hear my friend asking at this point, "How did you get there?"!!  I moved from an individual thought (wanting to see the Wolf Moon and June's photo) to shared experiences (Japanese lanterns; dinner with a friend; observing June and Buz) to wondering about the loss of a loved one (Buz; my parents; Carlos).

My friend's question is valid... as are my interconnected thoughts.  Our willingness to share our thought processes with others -- June and Buz' faith and love; the God-inspired night lights of our lives; the experience of loss and separation -- is what dialogue is about.  Sharing with another "how we got there" is the movement from individual to common-unity.

Are you willing to explain your thought processes to another person this week?

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

 

Illuminating Our Darkness

A friend and I were testing our comfort levels with our first extended trip since the pandemic began.  We talked through the risks; how we would stay observant; and ways we would check in and stay vigilant.  We wondered what our reactions would be when encountering people who might not be physically distancing or wearing masks.  Vaccinations and masks were required on this trip, but was that enough to keep us safe?

Stepping out on this first trip seemed so surreal compared to the months of limited encounters and the ever-changing landscape of what was known and unknown about this virus.  The familiarity of previous trips and pre-planning mixed with the unfamiliarity of exposing ourselves to the unexplored was unsettling at first, but it was nice to have a trusted friend to walk through this situation.

Isn't that actually what life is:  walking with trusted companions on this journey?

When in darkness, do you see any light?
(Photo:  lighted barriers shining on water, San Diego Bay)

This reflection followed me throughout the 10 days we were away:  the swirl of familiar and unfamiliar, the explored and unexplored, the known and the unknown.  I wondered... when in my life had I settled for the comfort of having The Answer, always knowing what was Right, and listening only for what I Want to Hear?

When we returned home from this journey, a magnificent storm welcomed us:  thunder and lightning and moments of heavy rainfall.  Power beyond imagination flashed through the sky, followed by the loud acclamation of Nearness and much-needed rain to quench a drought-stricken landscape.

Before the next storm, where is your focus?
(Photo:  sunset before thunder storm, San Diego)

Is Normal the goal we really want to reach -- such that we can no longer see other possibilities in our darkest moments?  Is that the question we must consider at this uncertain time in our lives?  Rather than only seeing and feeling the darkness of this pandemic -- focusing on the familiar we have lost; arguing over masks and vaccines; defining our opinions through lenses of freedom and control -- what would it be like to have a trusted friend to talk about the darkness and challenge us to see the light hidden in any moment?

As a new day dawns, does the light touch you?
(Photo: San Diego sunrise)

Waking up early one morning, we experienced a beautifully, clear sunrise across the entrance to the San Diego Bay.  The early morning light extended a reflected arm out to us, embracing us with beauty, and shining on the anchored boats in the outer harbor.  The outstretched beacon touched each of the ships individually and in their own time.

That is the way it is with us as well:

• Am I willing today to be in dialogue with another person?
• Can I share the darkness of my fears, concerns, and unknown answers?
• Is there a way -- together -- to walk and explore the uncharted or unanchored regions of our lives?
• Can we release the normal and be able to see new light and possibilities... answers that emerge from our shared journey together?

May the light of relationships disrupt the darkness of isolation.  May loud peals awaken us to the energy of change.  May we be blessed with friends who understand the dry times in our lives... drenching us with trusted waters of understanding and safety.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Penciling in Possibilities

No matter where we start in the year, we encounter beginnings and endings, endings and beginnings.  For instance, we are:

• Ending the school year and beginning the summer season;
• Moving from one phase of the pandemic and starting another; and
  
• Finishing one project or assignment and being introduced to another project and team.

It is this latter situation that is happening for me at work: having completed one product redesign and launching another multi-month project with a new set of coworkers.

I guess that is why I am thinking of pencils right now!

Do you enjoy new beginnings?

I remember as a child the magic of a new pencil: unsharpened and eraser unused.  The possibilities of that new pencil!  How long would it stay sharp?  Would the eraser last until the pencil was too short to use? What would be written or drawn with this pencil.... compared to the last one? And finally, letting go of that trusted companion and welcoming another new pencil into my life.

 

As I contemplate pencils and new assignments, I wonder if I face relationships and dialogue the same way?

• How will I sharpen my skills in order to create?
• When will I need to erase missteps and harsh words?
• Will the relationships last beyond this moment?

Beginnings and endings are interconnected: beginning the path toward discovery in order to be discovered.

When do you seek the Light-in-the-Darkness?

Projects -- and sometimes, people -- are like being in the dark.  We can't always see the outcome until we take that first step.  Moments of unseeing and unawareness require us to seek light and understanding.  It asks that we become curious, letting go, and moving forward.

The straight lines that we draw with that pencil -- and with our understanding of others -- sometimes need to bend, making shapes both simple and complex.

Can you envision the balance between
Simplicity and Complexity?

Beginning with a new team, starting a new relationship, and opening a dialogue require that we balance our individual needs with those of the Other.  I must end the myth that "I have all the answers" and "I am right."  We are asked to listen to possibilities, and begin to understand the unity common to each of us: we are human, trying our best to survive.

 

The light comes from walking together through the darkness of misunderstanding, and beginning to trust that each of us brings beauty and truth to our Created Future.

May we be willing to sharpen our dialogue skills by listening.  May we be willing to erase the judgments and conclusions we have made of others.  May we draw on the possibilities that will bring light to our darkened world.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Taking Notice

Each of the seasons has its own beauty.  What I notice about Spring, though, are the vibrant colors, life emerging from dormant soil, and a sense of Beginning Anew.  The long, dark days of winter are giving way to light and warmth.

Here in Southern California, though, the changes are more subtle, especially when winter months are milder than normal and Santa Ana wind conditions occur more frequently.  Colors splash the gardens and landscapes throughout the year.

But there is a difference: plants seem to sparkle; the air becomes clearer; and windows are reopened to what the day brings.

What have you noticed today?

It might be in the degree of Noticing, becoming sensitive to the nuances and changes occurring inwardly... and outwardly.

As I was walking with a friend this past week, we were talking about local and national events: COVID vaccinations; moving from more restrictive guidelines to lesser ones; and the ability to begin planning -- cautiously -- for the weeks and months ahead.

Several questions are surfacing from this COVID hibernation:

• What kind of world are we emerging into?
• Where will we find normalcy and beauty?
• Who and what can we trust?

Where is Beauty Emerging?

Walking in the neighborhood, we came across signs that life is returning:  trees and bulbs planted years prior displaying spectacular blossoms, and seeds and seedlings providing new growth unseen.  Some landscapes seem familiar... but I realize, they are not the same as last year:  the trees have grown; the bulbs have split; the new arrivals bring variety.

When have you seen the Light
behind the Beauty?

As we take notice -- inwardly and outwardly -- of our post-COVID surroundings, I wonder what we will find behind our stories of confinement, limitations, and loss?

• Will we seek the familiar?
• Will we hold onto the past season?
• Will we notice Newness Emerging?

My assumption is "Yes" to all of these questions.  What do you think?  Where are you reopening friendships to new discoveries?  How might you share Thoughts Buried?  Is there a way to clear the air between you and a perceived foe?

 

I would guess that we are not the same people as we were pre-pandemic.  How do we share what we have seen and experienced?  How can we listen and become curious about another person's journey?

My hope is that our Lenten Days will give way to the Easter Season of Hope, that we learn the Passover lessons of our freedom from bondage; and that we experience the Life Emerging... familiar but different.  May we embrace the Light behind our Darkness.

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

The Blessings of Anniversaries: Part 2

As I continue to reflect on a seemingly Lost Year, I have wondered and explored lessons I have learned about myself and others.  I appreciate hearing the insights you have shared with me... where you have learned to:

• Grow in faith and trust
  
• Live one day at a time 
• Anticipate a less frenetic lifestyle
• Focus on the quality of engagement in the present moment
• Become less silent when it comes to injustice and bullying
• Invest time in listening
• Work hard on taking care of my health
• Draw closer to my loved ones
• Work in my garden
• Help others grieve with all we have lost
• Welcome being humbled, more compassionate and caring
• Appreciate milestones that mark the Passage of Time
  ("Is it already time to take out the garbage?!")
  

 It seems that even in darkness, we hope for light and beauty!  We seek to learn and become.

What has brightened the dark days of this pandemic?

If we have learned so much about ourselves, others, and the relationships that are important, is this really a "Lost Year" then,?  Maybe not!

Over the last few weeks I have reviewed the photos I have taken this past year.  Though these photos do not number in the thousands as in past years when I was able to travel, the 2020 photos focused on the local beauty of my city and county, loved ones and friends, and the simple aspects of my life.  Life is special!

What beauty have you noticed this past year?

  

I also notice that I am comparing previous years and experiences... What Used To Be.  It is as if the comparison will validate what I know or have experienced:  I want to connect the dots and bring value to my current situation.

I recall a rafting trip down an Alaskan river several years ago.  We learned the importance of working with the river, using the oars to guide our direction, and working with the energy of the river.   Being in the raft gave us height above the river, allowing us to look ahead and anticipate our next move.

When have you controlled the direction of your life?

But this COVID year has thrown us into the River of Life, where we are no longer in control.  Maybe the lesson is to flow with the changes that are happening.

This thought reminded me of a younger self that liked to body surf the river: a life preserver kept me buoyed above the water.  Our guide taught us to face forward, trust in the life preserver, and position our feet forward in a half-extended position.  When approaching an obstacle, the feet would take the impact, retract, and then help us to bounce back in the direction we needed to flow.  I found this flowing so much more fun than controlling the river raft... but, being in the river, meant I could no longer see farther ahead.  It seems that we have a few choices to make in the weeks and months ahead:  control versus flow; anticipating versus accepting.

As we consider this next week, maybe we could:

• Loosen our need for control;
• Practice flowing with the present moment; and,
• Position ourselves to trust the lessons, values, and experiences that preserve who we are - compassionate and caring people who desire the best for everyone.
  

Please continue to share your thoughts and reflections on this one year anniversary:

• When have you controlled?  When have you flowed? 
• When have you trusted?  What obstacles have you bounced off and survived?

 
May this next year deepen the lessons we are learning.

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)