The Science of Ripples

I have always been curious... the why's of childhood continue to this day:

• I wonder how that works?
• I wonder what that person is experiencing?
• I wonder why people can't get along?

That's why when I saw a drop of water send ripples outward, I wondered what actually happened when that drop disturbed the calm surface.

How does your life effect others?
(Photo credit:  What Ripple Photos, Pexels)

I was pleasantly surprised when I read "Curious Kids: how do ripples form and why do they spread out across the water?" (found at The Conversation).  As we would expect, the ripple moves away from the point where an object disturbs the surface.

 

But what I didn't realize, is that "the water molecules don't move away from the rock as you might expect.  They actually move up and down.  When they move up, they drag the other molecules next to them up - then they move down, dragging the molecules next to them down."

 

At a visual level we see the ripples moving outward, but at a much more basic level the molecules are moving up or down.  Both are happening!

 

Are you aware of your impact,
large or small?
(Photo credit:  Pixabay)

I wonder if our words and actions do the same?  At the surface, we see ideas rippling outward as we express our thoughts and feelings.  But, maybe at a more basic level, the disturbance of status quo is causing relationships and emotions to move upward or downward... to improve or deteriorate.

 

I wonder what would happen if we reflected more on our words and actions... and their effect on ourselves, others, and our relationships:

• Am I aware of the impact I have on others?
• What is my intention when I disturb the surface of relationships?
  
• Do I want to build up or tear down?

 

How do you want to be remembered?
(Photo credit:  AZ Quotes)

Maybe the far reaching effects of our words and actions are both in the ripple outward and the movement upward or downward -- to improve or disengage ourselves from others.

Questions to consider as we move through these final weeks before Election Day:

• How will my decisions impact others?
• Can I see and accept the responsibility of my actions? 
  
• Am I willing to work together to improve another person's condition?

May we thoughtfully consider the ripples that course outward through our society.  May we seek to disturb the surface of the status quo in order to heal.  May the molecules of our words and actions choose to drag people upward!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

 

Finding Balance

My brother shared a video that is mesmerizing, mystical... and seemingly impossible!  Miyoko Shida Rigolo was on Georgia's Got Talent several years ago demonstrating the Sanddorn Balance.  (Click here to watch the video clip.  It is well worth the 13 minutes... or skip the interview and jump ahead to 1:45 where she comes on stage.)

This video reminded me of a concept that was taught in our Dialogue Practicum... and, I sometimes find impossible to do:  Holding It Lightly.

The image:  a feather lying on an open hand; not grasping or holding it; knowing that a breeze could blow the feather away.

The skill:  allowing a thought or idea to be present; without reacting or judging; realizing that we are trying to communicate or share abstract and diverse truths as we currently experience them.

Can you hold lightly what you hear and see?
(Photo credit:  Sanddorn Balance)

In the video, Miyoko begins with a feather.  One by one she adds withered ribs of date and coconut palm branches collected from the most beautiful beaches in the world to create a structure that supports the feather.

If you watch the video to the end, you will see that it is the feather that provides balance and stability to the structure.  Without the feather, the structure could not exist!

What provides balance in your life?
(Photo credit:  Sanddorn Balance)

It seems that when I am in good relations with someone, it is easier to hold lightly what the other person says.  But if there is a misunderstanding or I don't know the other person, it is much harder to not react defensively.

As I listen to the news and political ads these days, I have difficulty lightly holding the conflicting stories.  I am skeptical or mistrustful of the messages shared or the motivations behind the ideas.

When do you notice how you react?
(Photo credit:  Sanddorn Balance)

I wonder... is there more to Miyoko's video?  Yes, the feather is important to the structure, but what about the branches collected from beautiful places throughout the world?  Maybe the interaction of the whole structure is just as important?  For instance:

• What if we regard all interactions as necessary and coming from beautiful places?
• What if we hold Relationships Needing Attention in the same light as Relations Nurtured?
• What if we entered into conversations with curiosity?  (Tell me more!)

Before we place a feather in our open hand, maybe it is time to extend that hand to others as a sign of welcome, acceptance, and a thank you!

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What are We Willing to Unlearn?

Ann, a longtime friend -- and dialogue colleague -- was born with poor hearing.  To understand others and to survive in this hearing world, she learned to lip read.  She was so excited when she became eligible for a cochlear implant.  Her recent surgery was a success!  But now comes the hard work!

Ann must unlearn skills that have aided her throughout her life.  Friends now come to her home to read to her.  She listens to each word or sentence and repeats back what she hears.  She is rewiring her brain to focus on a physical attribute that could not be relied on in the past.

And, she must unlearn her lip reading skills.

What skills do you use to understand others?

(Photo credit:  GAN Networking Can Do Lip
Reading and Output Speech, NeuroHive)

As I listened to Ann describe her joys of hearing -- and the frustrations of unlearning, I wondered:

• What skills have I learned to compensate for losses in my life?
• How do I survive in a world dominated by truths -- or untruths -- that I don't understand?
  
• Do I hear clearly what others are saying?

Are there lessons that need to be unlearned?

(Photo credit: You Must Unlearn What
You Have Learned, Marco Giberti)

Think about how you learned to communicate.  For most of us, it was mimicry:  imitating family and friends around us.  Now, think of the assumptions that we may have accepted along the way: the people we loved and emulated figured out how to survive in this world... and Must be Right in what they said or did.

 

What happens, though, when the world changes and the skills we learned earlier no longer work in this New World?  It isn't a matter that our models got it wrong.  It may be as simple as new Ways of Being have emerged in this ever-changing world... like the evolution from living with hearing loss to earlier versions of hearing aids to cochlear implants.

 

Is it time to examine what lessons we learned earlier and decide what we should unlearn... and relearn?

Are you willing to become curious about others --
and unlearn untruths?

(Photo credit:  Why Unlearning Matters?
How to Unlearn?, Social Science Space)

Ann mentioned that she has a short window to unlearn and relearn -- retraining her brain.  She can now hear clearly the crispness of the S, and she is finding that her own verbal skills are improving as she talks.  She reminisced about her long-trusted friend, Lip Reading... and what it means for her to let go.  Now the hard work of unlearning and relearning!

 

Is that the same with us?  As we recognize what we need to unlearn, I wonder if there is an urgency to become curious, to hear clearly another person's truth, and to understand differently?

May we find reasons this week to unlearn poor listening skills.  May we seek ways to hear more clearly.  May we be willing to relearn what it means to understand.  

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

Boundaries or Boxes

Have you ever felt uncomfortable with a supervisor, coworker, or friend?  Maybe they crossed the line on a topic or position important to you.  Maybe confidences were shared or gossip exchanged.

In a recent conversation, someone mentioned that her boss had crossed some boundaries.  Listening to her describe the situation, I asked what the boundaries were and if the boss was aware of these boundaries.

This conversation allowed me to reflect on my own experiences:

• What boundaries have I created?
• What do I do when someone crosses my line in the sand?
  

What boundaries have you set?
(Photo credit:  Getty Images)

After more questions and exploration, we discovered that this person becomes triggered when the boss uses words like "You are..." or "When you do..."  We soon realized that boundaries weren't necessarily being crossed.  It was a matter that labels were defining her:  she was feeling boxed in by another person's definition of her.

Growth is limited when a person feels boxed in: labels and definitions restrict discovery and learning.

Are you boxed in by others?
(Photo credit:  Stacking 18 People in
Boxes for a Family Photo, Scavenger Chic)

 Questions for each of us to ponder:

• Are we aware of the boxes that limit us?
  
• How do we break out of the boxes others have placed us in... or that we create for ourselves?

When do you feel boxed in?
(Photo credit:  Boxes are People Too, That Cute Site)

I am learning through my dialogue practice that:

• Slowing down and noticing are keys to discovery.
• Sharing our experiences and listening to others are keys to connection.
• Holding lightly what we have noticed and have shared is a key to nonviolence.
  

 

Unlocking the limitations that box us in -- the boundaries that define and sometimes restrict us -- is critical to live Lives Unbounded by the human bondage we all endure.

May this week allow us to see beyond the boundaries and boxes that diminish our human potential:  may we use the keys that are in our possession and may we unlock the divisions we have created!

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)

What Do You See?

Darcy (a Dialogue colleague) and I were sharing recent experiences of using Zoom with large groups.  As the Zoom "organizer," there is an assumption that we know what we are doing!  But, like many of us in this COVID world, we are developing new skills and gaining insights in how we see ourselves and others.

We noticed that as we worked with new Zoom attendees, we needed to explain how to get to the "Brady Bunch" screen (changing from Speaker View to Gallery View), when to Mute or Unmute, and why lighting might affect how clearly a person is seen.

Tell me:  what do you see?
(Photo credit:  7 Zoom Tips for Working
from Home, Computerworld)

Darcy and I laughed at our own assumptions:  that what we were seeing must be true!  We soon realized that the device a person is using changes how that user experiences Zoom.

We laughed because we had forgotten one of the Dialogue skills: ask questions to test assumptions.  Examples:

• What device are you using (PC or Mac; computer, tablet or phone)?
• Tell me what you see.

And, just as important:  be patient... Hold Lightly what you see, hear, and assume.

What do you think?
(Photo credit:  Santa Monica Beach, Getty Images, WSJ)

 

This COVID world is stretching us in many ways:

• How can social beings remain socially connected while being physically distant?
• Do we tend to protect our Individuality or the Common Good?
• Can we withhold judgment while exploring new Ways of Being?

Balancing a fragile world at this point in our human story may require that we move away from polarized Ways of Thinking.

Can we explore what is true?

Similar to lessons we are learning with Zoom, seeing others clearly depends on practicing new skills:

• When to move from Speaker (individual) to Gallery (everyone) view;
• Why it is important to Mute (ourselves) and Unmute (others); and,
  
• Where to shine the light on different aspects of a more encompassing Truth.
  

 

Have I asked you today... "What do you see?"

 

Larry Gardepie

Dialogue San Diego Consulting

(click on link for website)